Wednesday, October 4, 2006

Go Widda Flow VII



My oh my; give a 419er what he says he wants, and...we're back to meltdown. But not realization. Not quite yet.

When I last updated you, my benefactor and protector, Evens Ofuggu (his latest name change) had asked me to make the Western Union payments to two separate gents of dubious antecedence in Lagos, Nigeria, and forward to him the Western Union MTCNs. And he had assured me that all the fakes and frauds -- like this Martian Okoh -- were out of the picture.

So naturally reassured, I did as I was bade. Sort of. I sent him two thoroughly made-up MTCN numbers to try cashing in at Western Union in Lagos.

The wheels are starting to come off down in Scam Central. Witness this reply from Evens...or is it Martian Okoh again?

FROM THE DESK OF: Mr. Martin Okoh Tele: 234-80-29466861

ATTN: PHULOVIT

RE: RECTIFY THIS

I SENT THEM TO THE WESTERN UNION TO PICK UP THE FUND THAT YOU SENT, THEY CAME BACK AND CONFIRM THAT THE TRANSACTION DID NOT GO THROUGH.I WENT AHEAD AND CALLED THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE AND THEY CONFIRM THE SAME THING.

I WILL LIKE YOU TO GO TO THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE THAT YOU MADE THE PAYMENT IMMEDIATELY, AND FIOUND OUT WHAT IS HOLDING THE FUN. IF THEY REFUSED TO COMPELTE THE TRANSACTION, YOU WITHDRAW THE PAYMENT AND SEND THE MONEY THROUGH MONEY GRAM.

I WANT YOU TO DO SO IMMEDIATELY. TO AVOID ANY FURTHER HITCH MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GO THROUGH BANK TO MAKE THE PAYMENT OTHERWISE THEY WILL STOP IT.

RECTIFY THIS IMMEDIATELY AND CALL ME ON 234-80-29466861.

MR. EVENS OFUGGU

And he told me Martian Okoh was "out of the picture". Uh huh...well, here' s my "ratchet up the tweak" reply:

Evens...or is it Martian, again?

What in the doorknob dildo is Martian Okoh's name doing on the "From The Desk Of" in the opening of your message? And what do you mean, the money isn't there? OF COURSE IT'S THERE! I SENT IT PERSONALLY! Well, I took it to Western Union here in Vaduz, personally; my long-time friend at Western Union, HE sent it personally. I watched him send it. He gave me the MTCNs that I sent you.

Maybe this Martian Okoh has purloined the money? Or are your Lagos Western Union people trying to cheat you?

I am not happy, Evens.

The next reply from Evans (this time) comes without "From the desk of Martian Okoh":

RE: RECTIFY THIS

MR OKOH IS OUT OF THE PICTURE, HE CANNOT INTERCEPT THE TRANSAXTTION IN ANY WAY. JUST TRY TO CLARIFY THIS WITH THE WESTERN UNION. AS SOON AS YOU FINISH WITH THEM, I WILL WANT YOU TO ATTACHE THE PAYMENT SLIP AND SEND IT TO ME.

MAYBE YOU MADE A MISTAKE WHY TYPING THE MTCN NUMBER (oh yeah, go and blame it on me, you who can't even remember who the fork YOU is!). TRY YOUR BEST FOR EVERYTHING IS IN OTHER. I GUARANTEE YOU THAT YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.

Puhhh-lease.

Time to ratchet up the tweak a tad more:

Evens:

I just returned from my Western Union. And I am so disappointed. But first:

if Mr. Martian Okoh is out of the picture, then what was his name doing on your email?

Now to Western Union: they sent the money transfer, and received confirmation from the Lagos branch that it was sent to.

I smell a rat here. A big, butt-ugly, flatulent rat bastard of a rat.

Just what have you and your office brought me to, Evens/Evans? And why does this Martian Okoh keep putting his crank in the works, mucking up things? I thought I could trust you. Why are you forsaking me? I am out $3800, and you have no answers, only more questions!

Evens/Evans does his frustrated best to assauge me in his next:

Phulovit:

I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE WHAT THE WESTERN UNION HAS TOLD YOU. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR MR. MARTIAN OKOH TO PICK THE MONEY WHEN YOU DID NOT MAKE THE PAYMENT ON HIS NAME. I PLESE WISH YOU WOULD FORGET MR. OKOH, FOR HE CANNOT INTERFERE IN THIS, I PROMISE YOU.

MABYE THE WESTERN UNION AGENT AT YOUR PLACE HAS CAT AWAY WITH THE MONEYAND PRETEND THAT HE SEND IT. I WILL ADVISE YOU TO GO BACK AND QUESTION HIM PROPERLY. MAKE SURE YOU GET TO THE ROOT OF THIS BECAUSE I BET YOU THAT THE MONEY CANNOT BE PICKLED (pickled? ROFLMAO...) LIKE THAT. IS IT NOT THE NAME THAT I GAVE TO YOU THAT YOU USE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT. I WANT YOU TO ATTACH AND SEND TO ME THE PAYMENT SLIP IMMEDIATE.

I AM IN YOUR CORNER ON THIS, PHULOVIT TRUST ME.

This is getting harder to keep a straight email face on...but I'll try in Part VIII.

3 Comments:

Blogger header5 said...

I just can't stop laughing! The lady in the lobby is looking at me.

04 October, 2006 11:00  
Blogger Herb said...

Oh man...

05 October, 2006 17:26  
Anonymous cyndy said...

Wow I've only been out of blogger land for a week and already I've missed out on what is holding up the FUN!
HA
those dopes...they are so freakified!

06 October, 2006 08:17  

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