Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Go Widda Flow IV


During my brief absence, Evan Ofuegbu (his original representation) got back to me with the next logical step in my "being ware of hoodlums": the inevitable "getting to the rat killing". But unlike the lightning-fast, glib-tongued Fed Ex commercial dude (from the 1980s), this guy thinks at the speed of compost maturation.

He's stopped signing his emails as the aforementioned, and has started signing them as I've been signing them: Evans Ofuggu. Either I am incredibly persuasive (*guffaw*), or it is merely another example that makes you wonder how these road apples manage to fool anyone.

At any rate, here's the latest post from Evans:

FROM THE DESK OF: Mr. Evans Ofuggu (*TOING*!)

ATTEN: U. R. PHULOVIT

RE: BE CAREFUL OF HOODLUMS

Be informed that your mail have been officially received in this office and all content therein was well understood .A meeting was held in the office of the Presidency because of the pains which our esteemed beneficiaries have gone through in the hands of these HOODLUMS. we have decided and agreed that all foreign beneficies in this batch of payment MUST only receive their funds through one of our correspondence banker in the country (African Development Bank *TOING*...another bank? That makes THREE). The bank that would handle your payment is the AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK. You are advised to stop all communication with any person (persons) if any to avoid any jeopardy (ADVICE). We are highly investigating this Touts to see that they do not succeed with their evil plans again and for us to succeed you are expected to help us by sending any email to this office received from now onwards (he don' know what he's asking hyar, do he?). On behalf of the President and people of Nigeria, accept our apology for any inconveniencies you might have passed through this THIEVES and we are promising you that such action will never repeat it self again. .

I await your prompt response today immediately after you have written to the Bank International Remittance Officer through his offical email address request for further compliance as above for the payment of your funds:

Email: foreignoperation_adbank@financier.com

Finally, note that your file have been dispatched accordingly. Congratulation.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Evans Ofuggu
International Payment Investigation Officer (I.P.I.D)

Because I was out of town on a family matter, my immediate prompt response didn't happen with prompt immediacy, which prompted the BIRO (noted above) to send me a prompt and immediate prod for response:

ATTN:DEAR, (getting awfully familiar here, eh?)

I SENT YOU A MAIL IN RESPECT OF YOUR PAYMENT TO CONTACT THE BANK.I JUST CONFIRM FROM THE DRECTOR OF THE BANK MR. MATHIAS MORDI.HE SAID THAT HE DIDN'T HEAR FROM YOU. IF YOU REALY WANT HIS PAYMENT TO BE MADE. I ADVICE YOU TO CONTACT HIM IMMEDATE OF THE EMAIL ADDRESS GIVEN PREVIOUSLY.

Testy, testy. I also noticed that there was a second email address (hoef01@yahoo.com) copied as receiving the same email. It didn't make sense to me at the time, but will start to in the next installment.

I sent him a brief "apology" note, explaining that I was out of town for a family emergency (true for once), and got this back:

ATTN: U. R. PHULOVIT
RE: APOLOGY ACCEPTED (ain't that precious?)

I want to inform you that your apology has been accepted. every relivant docuemnts as regards your payment has been forwarded to the bank. I want you to comply with the bank to enable them make your payement. just keep me posted on every development.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Eans ofuggu (he's worse at remembering who he is than I am at remembering who he is)

And, shore 'nuff, I get a follow-up email from the AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK:

EMAIL: FOREIGNOPERATION_ADBANK@FINANCIER.COM
AFICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK. Largest, Real-Time Online Banking Network in Nigeria. Our Core Values are >>> Humility (LOL) Integrity (ROFL) Empathy (ROFLMAO) Resilience (Mwhahahahaha...stop it, stop it, you're killing me hyar...hahahahahahaha)

THROUGH THE DESK OF FOREIGN OPERATION MANAGER.
AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANKHouse #2, Federal Secretariate Complex, Tinubu Square, Lagos Nigeria TEL 234-1-7202587 FAX 234-1-774-3763

Attn Phulovit

Your information has been handed over to us. i want you to forward every documents that you have at hand as regards this transaction for verification. do so as soon as possible, to enable us verify and make your payment.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Mathias Mordi,
Payee Officer CBN

I love it when one scam hand doesn't keep the other apprised of who's trying to jerk who off and with what:

My Good Mathias Merde:

I appreciate your prompt response. As to the documents you reference, I have not yet seen or handled any; my good friend and protector, Evans Ofuggu, has been handling the processing and dispatching of those documents to the appropriate bank of the moment. I would therefore assume that you should have received those designer documents necessary from him. If you haven't, I have copied him with this email response, so that he may see to rounding up and getting to you the documents you are in need of.

As to the rest, I await your detailed instructions on what I am to provide to complete your giving me this business in the manure that I expect from professionals like you.

And I wish again to offer my thanks and gratitude to Mr. Eans Ofuggu, for pointing out to me the touts and HOODLUMS who could have made this journey what it is.

Next up, Part V -- Who's Scamming Who With Which Scam, Anyway?

4 Comments:

Blogger Monica said...

M, you have entirely too much time on your hands...but it certainly makes for some funny reading.

Not enough storms on the horizon? :)

27 September, 2006 09:10  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

LOL...Monica, the last 'storm' I weathered (and still am) is enough to last me to next spring ;)

When I return to work, my Nigerian chums will simply have to take a number and get in line...

27 September, 2006 10:29  
Anonymous cyndy said...

You are killing meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
bwahahah
no more coffee sipping whilst reading hyar

28 September, 2006 06:14  
Blogger Karen said...

OMG, Skunk! I have tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing so hard. I sure needed the laughs, thanks!

28 September, 2006 08:21  

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