Sunday, October 1, 2006

Go Widda Flow VI


If I hadn't been following this thing myself, I might have looked as incredulous as the folks on the bridge of the Enterprise do. Even Spock's having a tough time following the logic herein.

Prolly 'cuz there ain't any. But eh: that's why I titled this particular series Go Widda Flow.

Two days after I challenged this Martian Okoh to produce authentication (he had only to look at his stupid email header...bonehead), I get a belated reply from hisself, Mr. Evans Ofuggu:

SORRY I COULD NOT REACH YOU SINCE, I TRAVELLED OUT OF TOWN. I RECEIVED YOUR EMAIL AND THE CONTENT QUITE NOTED. I HAVE EQUALLY GONE TO THE BANK TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON.I WAS TOLD THAT YOU WROTE TO THEM.

WELL, CONCERNING THOSE LETTERS THAT YOU RECIEVED, I WANT YOU TO IGNORE ANY OF SUCH MAILS.THEY ARE IMPOSTERS, THEY WILL ONLY END UP REAPING YOU OF YOUR MONEY. THERE IS NO MARTIAN OKOH IN THIS OFFICE. MORE HOODLUMS.

THE ONLY PERSON THAT I WANT YOU TO HAVE DEALING WITH RIGHT NOW IS ME AND MR. MATHIAS MERDE (danged if he didn't do it again; adopt my spelling of a name) THE DIRETOR OF AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK.

I WAS TOLD THAT YOU WERE ASKED TO GET SOME DOCUMENTS AS REGARDS THIS TRANSACTION.THE DIRECTOR TOLD ME THAT THE DOCUMENTS NEEDED WAS AN AFFIDAVIT OF CLAIMS, DRUGFREE CERTIFICATE AND ANTI-TERRORIST CERTIFICATE.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANY OF THESE DOCUMENTS.INCASE YOU DON'T HAVE IT, I WILL WANT YOU TO NOTIFY ME SO THAT I CAN GO AHEAD AND ASSIT YOU IN GETTING THEM.

Now that we're back on the original play script, let's go widda flow:

Evans:

It's about time! Your apology is accepted. I hope you find this Martian Okoh and bury him up to his nose in excretia.

I do not have the documents you have referenced and that Mathias Merde has stated is needed. I will definitely need the claim document; I can assert that I am drug free, other than being drug through the hoodlums and touts that you've warned me about, knowing so much about of them as you do. As for the anti-terrorist certificate, I can assert with no hesitation or mental reservation that I am 100% anti-terrorist, and I have no problem avowing thus in any document of any degree of certifiable value.

BTW, I would look into your DEPUTY, Dr. Donald Smith; he seems to have been in cahoots with this Martian Okoh.

Evans doesn't bother with my closing suggestion (duhhhh), but his next response FINALLY gets to where he's been maneuvering me all along:

RE: PAYMENT INFORMATION

AS I HAVE TOLD YOU, YOU SHOULD NEGLECT ANY MAIL THAT DID NOT COME FROM MR. MATHIAS MERDE OR ME. AS REGARDS THE DOCUEMTS, I HAVE MADE AN ENQUIRY WITH OUR LEGAL ADVICER BARR.AMMED. HE SAID THAT THE AFORMENTIONED DOCUMENTS IS GOING TO COST YOU THE SUM OF $3800 (*TOING*) TO GET THEM. SO YOU HAVE TO TRY YOUR BEST TO RAISE THE MONEY AND SEND IT DOWN IMMEDIATELY , SO THAT HE CAN COMMENCE ON THE PROCESSING OF THE DOCUMENTS.

SEND THE MONEY VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER AS I NOW INSTRUCT YOU:

1.RECIEVER'S NAME..MR. ANTHONY DUMEBI
ADDRESS..2 TOM STR. IKOYI, LOGOS, NIGERIA
TEST QUESTSION..NAME OF CAR
TEST ANSWER..HONDA
AMOUNT...$2,000

2.RECIEVER'S NAME..MR. ABRAHAM IGHO
ADDRESS..6 TOM ST . IKOYI, LAGOS, NIGERIA
TEST QUESTION..NAME OF PET
TEST ANSWER..BINGO
AMOUNT...$1800

DO THIS IMMEDIATELY AND SEND ME THE MTCN NUMBERS.

I WILL ADVISE YOU, WHEN MAKING THE PAYMENT, INCASE YOU ARE ASKED WHOM YOU ARE SENDING THE MONEY TO. TELL THE AGENT THAT YOU ARE SENDING IT TO YOUR BROTHER WHOM IS HANDLING A CHURCH PROJECT IN NIGERIA. OTHERWISE THEY WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO MAKE THE PAYMENT DUE TO THE ISSUE OF TERRORISM AND FRAUD, THEY ARE MAIKING IT DIFFICULT SENDING MONEY OUT OF AMERICA (!!!). TO AVOID ANY HITCH, I WILL ADVICE YOY FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTION.

YOURS SINCERELY,
EVANS OFUGGU

Far be it from me to let him think I'd question him now:

Evans:

I have read and well understand your directions. Since I am not in America, I can project no obstacle to carrying them to completion. I am a bit surprised at the amount this is going to cost me up front, but knowing that you have been guiding me with your extensive knowledge of hoodlums and touts, I am comfortable with your directions and following them to the best of my understanding thereof.

I shall try to bring your effort to give me the business to fruition before the end of business today.

Thank you for all that you've done to give me the business, Evans. Consider this, my accepting your directions in the manure I do, my thanks.

Naturally, I have a couple spare Western Union money transfer forms lying about (I don't go anywhere online without 'em), but decided to save them. I merely waited a reasonable period of time, and then sent Evans the following:

Evans:

As you have so instructed me, I have completed the wire transmission of the funds from my local Western Union branch in Vaduz, Liechtenstein. Here are the MTCN numbers you wished sent to you:

1. Sent to Mr. Anthony Dumbei
Amount: $2,000
MTCN: 4377435701

2. Sent to Mr. Abraham I Aho
Amount: $1,800
MTCN: 4377435705

I await your confirmation of receipt.

Yawp. Shore do. Having done this early enough in the day for him to act upon them, I sit back and await his "confirmation".

The wait comes to an end in Part VII: Those Durned Hoodlums At Western Union...

3 Comments:

Blogger Herb said...

ROTFLM*O

02 October, 2006 04:14  
Anonymous cyndy said...

Damn, I didn't know you had to be drug free to deal with these winnings at the Afrikkaner bancs.

02 October, 2006 21:19  
Blogger Monica said...

too funny. Keep getting the best (and obviously the worst...ewww) of them!

Take care of you.

04 October, 2006 07:26  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home