SeaQuest -- The Musical

A few days ago, it was the idea that some theatre group had for a musical about Middle Eastern terrorism.

I can see Broadway on opening night: tuxedos and bomb-sniffing dogs, all waiting for the fat lady to blow up.

Silly or revolting as that idea sounds, news of late gets better: now some sea-going treasure hunter -- Bill Warren -- wants to find and retrieve the buried-at-sea corpse of Osama Bin Laden.

His stated purpose (in my paraphrasing): to confirm it really is Bin Laden (for the benefit of the conspiracy buffs, which is a complete waste of time: a true conspiracy buff would believe the retrieved sample was a set up, and that Bin Laden is still living in luxury in Dearborn, funded by Dubya and supplied through secret corporation agreements by Walmart). And -- better still -- to sell him back to his relatives, of corpse.

*Ducking boos and throwd whatever was handy*

So Warren's going to prowl the Arabian Sea, intent on finding and retrieving the body of Osama Bin Laden.

It must be nice to be both of those kind of means, and a moron by choice.

But why let it stop there...*TOING*...note to theatrics, looking for a musical begging to be writ: Saving Osama's Privates -- The Musical.

What with musical adaptations of such songs as Ahab The Arab, Midnight At the Oasis (take your camel to bed, perv), Orinoco Flow, Dragging The Line, Farewell and Adieu, Sea Cruise, Rubber Ducky, Sail On Sailor, Ride Captain Ride...and so much more, something like this could revive defunct paid programming giants like K-Tel, Ronco and Time-Warner! Who needs The Clapper or Pocket Fisherman, when you can market the greatest musical hits from Saving Bin Laden's Privates -- The Musical?

Don't even get me started on lyrics...