Time For Randomalities Again

It hasn't been a while since I've been random; that's a daily thang. But it's been a while since I've been random h'yar.

So:

1. Blackholes suck.

2. It is said that culture is good for people. Puh-LEASE: what did culture do for sour cream?

3. Before Atlas Shrugged....he farted.

3a. And in a full elevator.

4. Anthony Weiner and John Edwards will probably join Idiott Spitzer on CNN now.

4a. Their first guest will be the Sperminator.

5. Newt Gingrich is a bright guy. Then he opens his mouth and proves it's an illusion.

6. I still don't have any idea who hit Annie in the fanny with a flounder.

6a. But PETA sure wants to know. They're representing the flounder.

7. I've never seen a talking head in a restroom. Only in the media.

7a. At least the restroom ones serve a purpose.

8. My pet rock, Seymour, thought 'carbondating' was a great place to meet a new mate.

8a. He's still pissed at me for not correcting him before he contacted 'It's Just Lunch'...

9. I go through stages. If I'd lose weight, I could probably stop that...

10. A guy wakes up one day and every time he farts, it goes "honda honda honda". Doctor after doctor cannot tell him why every time he farts it comes out "honda honda honda". Finally, he sees a specialist in exotic diseases, who -- after a thorough exam -- yanks out one of his teeth. The guy demands to know why; the doctor says, "tooth has abscess". The guy demands to know what that has to do with his problem...the doctor says, "Abscess make the fart go honda!"

10a. *ducking boos and throwd whatever..*

11. I have convinced at least one Ghana-based scammer that carnivorous crotch crickets exist.

11a. I'd hate to meet anyone that he manages to scam...

12. A new checker at my local grocery store asked me the standard "did you find everything okay?" question; I responded with "no, I ruptured my spleen in the ketchup aisle".

12a. She didn't even smile.

13. If you go through a McDonalds drive-thru, and there's a line, and when you finally do get your order the cashier says "sorry about the wait", do they see what they just did there?

13a. Did you see what I just did there?

14. I just ate a bologna sandwich. Now I have gas.

14a. Why can't it be that easy for energy policy?

15. A blogging friend wrote of recently saving a wandering turtle from her backyard dawg. I asked her if the dawg had gotten the turtle, would that have constituted 'tort reform'.

15a. She still can't believe I wrote that.

15b. And I thought she knew me...

16. Deja nu: having a "I've done this sh** before and knew better" moment again...

17. Being a recent addition to the public transportation sphere, the other day a person behind me asked if I was getting on this bus. I responded "no, in it along with y'all".

17a. George Carlin would have been more amused than she was.

18. Did Mrs. Robinson sneeze in the song?

19. I haven't seen the movie Hangover. I'm still trying forget some of the stupid sh** I've done while acquiring my own.

20. Everytime I see one of those articulated city buses, I imagine that if Godzilla ever invades Denver, he'll grab up one of those buses, and break into a polka medley.

20a. I think multiple concussions are taking a toll on my imagination..

21. Being told by a close friend that she finds my being there "priceless" is...well...priceless.

21a. Now if I can just keep living up to that...