A White Horse Souse Scam

I have no doubt that had President Trump received this email, he'd be laughing too.

It was, after all, pretty laughable, like so much out of the temporary fraud now in the White House.

Some scammers shoot for the moon when they pull a scam template out of their ass; this one thought that this moon would impress:

OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT        

1600 Pennsylvania Ave.         

NW Washington,DC 20500        

FROM THE DESK OF MR REX G. JENSEN       

OUR REF: FGN/UN/XXVBCH147/2021        

DEAR BENEFICIARY,        

This is to officially inform you that we have verified your contract file presently on my desk, and I found out that you have not received your ATM CARD due to your lack of co-operation and not fulfilling the obligations giving to you in respect to your contract payment.Secondly, you are hereby advised to stop dealing with some non-officials in the bank as this is an illegal act and will have to stop if you so wish to receive your payment immediately. Now your new Payment,United nations Approval No; NG567P, Reference No.-30295, Allocation No: 3426 Password No: 7644, Pin Code No: k875 and your Certificate of Merit Payment No: 875, Released Code No: 059; Immediate Activation confirmation No: -8575; Secret Code No: XXTN554, Having received these vital payment code, therefore You are qualified now to received and confirm Your payment with the Federal Government immediately within the next 72hrs.

A talking desk in the White House, coupled with more codes than NORAD has, was supposed to both impress and convince email recipients of the authenticity here.

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

But it gave my 'editing gone wild' pet rock, Seymour, a chance at a little fun:

OFFICE OF THE ILLICIT PUPPET        

1600 Pennsylvania Ave.         

NW Washington,DC 20500        

FROM THE DESK OF THE DUMBEST SUMMA BITCH AROUND HERE:  MR REX G. JENSEN       

OUR REF: OMG/WTF/SNAFU147/2021        

DEAR BENERFISHERARY,        

This is to unofficially inform you that we have verified documents we received from telemouseketeers operating out of Nigeria that are now part of your file presently on my desk.  My desk is not amused.  I found out that you have not received your ATM CARD due to your lack of co-operation and not fulfilling the obligations expected of you by operatives in Nigeria.  Secondly, you are hereby ordered to stop dealing with anyone that sounds like the Indian lab assistant in the movie Short Circuit; he can't sell you a legitimate auto warranty no matter what he thinks he sounds like.  What's more, this is an illegal act and will have to stop because our FBI are too busy trying to run down who took pictures of maligNANCY Pelosi leaving a Motel 6 in Georgetown at 3am with an inflatable yak sex toy that sounds and looks just like Maxine Waters.  

If you so wish to receive your DNA-altering vaccination that won't protect you from COVID 19 but will allow us to inject in you a microtransmitter so we can track all your bowel movements, you must schedule immediately. Here is a series of numbers and letters that individually don't mean sh*t, but collectively don't mean sh*t either:  New World Order Approval No; NG567P, Reference No.-30295, Allocation No: 3426 Password No: 7644, Pin Code No: k875 and your Certificate of Mindless Sheeple No: 875, Released Code No: 059; Immediate Activation confirmation No: -8575; Secret Code No: XXTN554.  Having received these utterly worthless numbers, codes, et al, you are qualified now to receive occasional admonishments from a snot-nosed teen from Scandanavia, demanding to know how dare you steal her virginity after she was heavy-petted by Joe Bidumb.  Those admonishments and more should start arriving within the next 72hrs.

Below are a list of made-up of tracking numbers and names you can track from USPS website (www.spyvsspy.com) to confirm people are being spied on by the USPS, since they can't deliver mail for sh*t so they'll try anything else.          

Jaun Diss EO 339 080 241 US        

ELIZABETH S. PETTITUNTILWET EO 339 080 238 US        

Ben Dover EO 393 080 215 US        

Racial Deevide EO 933 080 224 US        

Wei Tu Low EO 393 077 905 US        

Mildew Mould EO 399 077 888 US        

U. R. Phulovit EO 939 077 891 US        

Sharon Fallatio EIEIO 333 077 914 US        

Ham Burglar EO 993 080 333 US    

So you best provide us with your informations, because as you can see, we have the wherewithal to figure it out if you aren't cooperative, even if we do use the USPS to spy on you through your Alexa/Siri/flower arrangement/fruitcake-from-Grandma:        

Full Name (your own if you please).........        

Full residential address (not the neighbor you hate).........        

Phone/country code And Fax Number (please not both as the same)....        

Company name (IF ANY)..........        

Age..........        

Marital Status (like this means jackshit)...............        

To delay the release of toxic anal gases you are advised to contact me immediately        

Name:. Mr Rex G. Jensen       

Email: rgjense1@Gmail.com        

Tel: +1 205-456-8243        

We shall be expecting to receive your information, hoping you're as stupid as a actual Bidumb voter, rare as those are.           

BEAST REGARDS,        

Mr  Rex G. Jensen     

Cc: Senate Domestic Outhouse Chairpoison        

Cc: Barker of the Haus maligNANCY Bela Pelosi        

Cc: Dominion fraudulent voting machine software manufacturers       

 

Neither Rex G. Jensen nor his desk had anything further to say.  And since Seymour shut down his own fecesbook account, he couldn't be censored there, either.