You're In The Army...Not Still

Scammers love using photos to sell their scams.

'Tis a pity they don't do a better job at vetting the photos they use.

But I was amused at how this scammer began.

'She' began with this email:

Hy   

That was all.

So I indulged her:

hy?   

That was good for more of a torrent of woids, along with five photos sure to sell this, 'she' was sure:

 Hello Dearest,

Compliments of the season,

My Name is sgt Jessica Alexander , i hope all is well with you? I am a soldier working as United Nations peace keeping troop in Iraq, on war against terrorism. I see you as a matured and responsible person which motivated me to get in contact with you (oh is she ever in for a surprise).

I have in my possession the sum of $3.5 millions dollars Which i made here in Iraq. I deposited this money with a Red Cross agent because of the law. I want you to stand as my beneficiary to receive the fund and keep it safe because I don't trust Red Cross Agent. I want you to help me and keep the money saved in your account so that as soon as I am through with my mission here in Iraq, I will come over to you for us to meet face to face and know each other. I will give you 50% of the total money for your assistance after you have received the money. Please reply back to me if you are willing to work with me so that i can send you more information where the money has been kept by the Red Cross Agent.

Your urgent reply is highly needed.

Best Regard,

Jessica Alexander   

Here's another of the photos she included:

You have to admit, she's sworda cute here (that was good for face palms from both of my pet rocks).

I reply:

Thank you, Jessica.  Nice blade.  I see the Army allows you a helluva shoe allotment.  I definitely like you better than my pet rocks, which consider me twisted, abnormal and at times thoroughly flatulent.

It becomes clear early on that 'Jessica' isn't reading what I reply with:

Hello my dear friend,                                            

May the good God continue to bless you and your family for your very kind and prompt response to my email, indicating your willingness to assist me transfer this fund for investment purposes in your country or any country that you will recommend . Am well impressed by your person and I feel I have found the right person, but time will tell. As you know, the success of this transaction will depend on our total mutual trust. I want everything to be clear to you right now but you have to read carefully. The deal is all about the money I made  here, and I have it kept safely in a box and stored in an abandoned mine in Baghdad.

Due to the United Nation policy on Iraq troops, there is a plan to move some troops out of Iraq so I will be among the people that will be moving out. I cannot take this money to the United States because since they know me as military personnel, they will want to know how I come about it. Due to this, I have made an arrangement for a Red Cross diplomat agent to move this fund. The question is who will be in charge of the money in my absence? This is exactly why I need your help. I want to guarantee you that you will not stand any risk in this as I have mapped out the strategy to have this box moved out of here safely Through Diplomatic means. You have to keep everything confidential till you receive the fund as a consignment.

Finally, I want you to stand as the beneficiary and receive the fund and keep it safe so that as soon as I come to your country, I will give you 50% of the total money for the assistance after you have received the money. I believe I can trust you. Where we are now, we can only communicate through our military communication facilities, which are secured so nobody can monitor our emails, then I can explain in detail to you. I will only reach you through email, because our calls might be monitored, I just have to be sure whom I am dealing with. Please if you can handle it, let me know so that i will furnish you on the way forward.

Please send your information so that i will furnish you on the modality to follow.

Your Name:_______________________

Your Address_________________

Your Phone Number_________________

Your Occupation___________________

Your Age___________________________

Your Nearest Airport______________

Your country_______________

Regards,

Jessica Alexander            

I indulge her further by sending her my information that's as real as she is, as requested.  This is good for this follow up:

So am here to let you know that you will help the diplomat to secure the consignment box by paying for the yellow tag fee there when the diplomat called you in your country Airport and demand for it     

Ah yes, the 'fee'.  Always there's the 'fee'.

What's a yellow tag fee?  It isn't contagious, is it?   

Whatever it is, Jessica won't be deviating from her template:

Darling am here to let you know that am just coming back from the Red Cross jet from Baghdad to know UN Security company jet that will leave on board tonight coming to your country ,i have discourse with the diplomat of the UN Security Company jet which he have let me know how much it will cost me to push the consignment box to your country, which am ready to pay it with the last money that i have here with me to push the consignment box to your country, and diplomat also note to me that there will be Airport yellow tag fee to pay over there in your country Airport for the securities there not to touch the box or search it to know what is inside the box. before heading towards your home Address, So am here to let you know that you will help the diplomat to secure the consignment box by paying for the yellow tag fee there when the diplomat called you in your country Airport and demand for it, i believe that you will not let me down when the diplomat get there with the consignment box, reply urgently because i don't have much access time to the internet for now because my base just receive a distress signal call from the base in Camp Abu Naji where my Unit will be deploying any moment from now. Waiting to read from you for me to give you more details on the diplomat movement to your country Next tomorrow morning Your lovely friend Jessica       

Just gotta love the old "distress call ploy" that even Chief Inspector Clouseau would have admired:

Darling?  You called me darling?

Are you sure I'm your daddy?    

I reckon that Jessica doesn't know what that means...another *TOING* of many herein:

the agent told me that the clearance fee will not be less than (850 dollar)

Best Regards.     

Of COURSE it won't be less.  

Good for the clearing agent.

I've never seed an 850 dollar bill.   

850 dollar are you ready to pay    

When it's time to pay the piper, be it Rowdy Roddy or even Rowdier Ronda, I am usually ready.

Hello my lovely friend,

May the almighty God continue to bless you and your family for your very kind and prompt response to my email. As I told you in my previous mail that due to the United Nation policy on Iraq, there is a plan to move some troops out of Iraq so I will be among the people that will be moving out. I cannot take this money to the United States because they know me as military personnel. Due to this, I have made an arrangement for a Red Cross diplomat agent to move this fund. The question is who will be in charge of the money in my absence? This is exactly why I need your help. I want to guarantee you that you will not stand any risk in this as I have mapped out the strategy to have this box moved out of here safely Through Diplomatic means and you have to keep everything confidential till you receive the box and do not disclose it to any other person for security reasons. I have made all the arrangements on how to carry out the transaction and I will be in your country in two weeks.

The diplomat will leave ( Tonight 19th April 2021) Arrive ( 21th April 2021 ) for security purposes and with my contact because this country is in crisis as you know. I contacted him now to know his movement,  he replied to me that he has to land in Dakar Senegal Africa. From there he will leave for the United States due to security purposes and the risk of landing directly from here to the United states It will be difficult for him because of the immigration and Air problem. He will land directly to Dakar Senegal in Africa.

According to the diplomat, it will be easy to him to move from Senegal to united state due to this purpose he have decided to land directly in Senegal where he will directly to united states, please I want you to keep everything secret until the box gets to you, and with your sincerely when you receive the fund you will have 50 percent of the money as your percentage.

He will call you to inform you about his movement and possible way to arrive in your country, as soon as you hear from him you let me know.

The Contact of the diplomat is as follows

Name: Chris Williams

Email address............ ( chriswillians2@gmail.com )

Phone number............( +221781504043  )

Please send him your information too now so that he will contact you and know the best way of coming to the United state Immediately. Your phone number is very important please. contact him immediately with your phone and the email address.

Your Name:_______________________

Your Address_________________

Your Phone Number_________________

Your Occupation___________________

Your Age___________________________

Your Nearest Airport______________

Your country_______________

Note: It has to be clear to you that the diplomat is not aware of the content of the box as I will only tell him that it contains your personal belongings. Then you shall take control and reach an agreement with him as regards to the delivery of the box to you. You are going to help the diplomat to secure the diplomatic yellow tag at the Airport and pay a clearance fee before he moves down to your country to convey the consignment to you. Because I was instructed not to open the consignment. The yellow tag is required to avoid the customs and other security agents at the airport not to search the consignment, this is in accordance with the United Nations diplomatic delivery act. Do not be afraid of anything OK, I promise I will surprise you as soon as i come to your country.

You must have to be aware that you are going to assist the diplomat to get the diplomatic yellow tag and pay a clearance fee there at the Airport before he moves down to your destination, the diplomat shall not have any doubt that the box belongs to you because I instructed at no time the box will be open or search.

The diplomat shall make use of his diplomatic immunity to ensure that the box is delivered to you as a diplomatic package which shall be free from any form of check at the airport. The box contains the money, and it will be protected with a pin code which I will make available to only you alone. You shall not in any case disclose the content of the box to the diplomat for security reasons. I told him that is your personal belonging. That is why the diplomatic yellow tag is required from him at the airport. As soon as you receive the box and the pin code, you shall have in mind that your percentage will be 50% of the total sum while you shall ensure that my own percentage of 50% is intact. As soon as i come to your country,  you can help me to invest it in a good profitable venture in your country. I will contact you again as soon as the consignment arrives at International Airport and make sure you follow the instruction of the diplomat to avoid any problem at the airport with the money.

Regards,

Jessica Alexander       

Gee...I'm her lovely friend....all together now, "awwwwwwww".

 Senegal?  SENEGAL?  Where or what is that?  No relation to Steven I trust?  He's both fat and ill-tempered.   

As I say...doesn't matter what I reply with:

i want to know if you have contact the agent    

Now that she's sent me "the rat killing", she can't wait for me to foller through.

I have sent an email to the agent you referenced.  

They are not responding with the kind of expedience I would expect you would have imbued them with.

What's up with that, Jessie?  Poke 'em with your sword or something.   

After a day or so, it appears that she did give them a poke:

This is Mr Chris Willams the diplomat Agent who assigned by your partner a military lady called Jessica Alexander

to deliver a particular box to your country according to the agreement between you and her to deliver to your international airport  United States  I left on 19 of april  to here in Dakar Senegal where I am presently with the box due to the air problem.

I am making every possible arrangement to travel to your country and deliver the box to your country according to the agreement, I am supposed to go directly from Iraq to your international  United States but because of security reasons and immigration problems and to secure the box , I have to travel directly to Dakar Senegal which is the easiest country and easiest route to come to your country without having problems on the way.

The box is here and it doesn't need any delay to avoid loss, what i need from you now is only ($850 dollar) for diplomatic Yellow Tag and vaccination card to pay to the immigration to allow me to move to your country safely , this is only what i need to come there. once i get this money from you i will pay for the diplomatic Yellow Tag and travel directly to your country and deliver the box to you.

This is only what I need, the flight ticket is here with me and which has to expire in 10 days, so i need this money immediately to enable me to move to your country, once I submit the diplomatic yellow card, I will move immediately.

You have to send the money with this below information through Money Gram Transfer or WESTERN UNION so that I will pay for the card and move to your country immediately. please make sure that you send the money immediately .

This is the information that you are going to use and send the requested money immediately through Money Gram Transfer or WESTERN UNION

Receiver's Name :................... Chris williams

Country:..................................Senegal

City...........................................Dakar

Your immediate action will help us to deliver the box as soon as possible. Send the payment information once you make the payment to help us to collect the money from the local office here and pay to the immigration Yellow Tag and vaccination card to enable them to allow me to move to your country safely and deliver the Box to you.

For more information for clarification please call +221781504043

Regard,

Chris Willams

The Diplomat Agent    

This here he included as his bona fides:

At least he pays a little better attention to what I'm replying with:

What kind of 'air problem'?  'Splain please.   

Mr. Williams exhibits more impatience than Jessica, as he follows up twice:

for diplomatic Yellow Tag and vaccination card to pay to the immigration to allow me to move to your country safely , this is only what i need to come there. once i get this money from you i will pay for the diplomatic Yellow Tag and travel directly to your country and deliver the box to you.   

And he immediately follows up again:

I am still waiting to receive the requested money from you so that i can pay the clearance fee to enable the office to release the box so that i can move down to your destination and deliver the box to you.

However,once you send the money do keep me informed via my email address with the scan copy of the payment receipt or payment information.

Regard,

Chris Willams

The Diplomat Agent   

Time to screw with him some:

Yes, I am sure that you are still waiting.

But you must indulge me:  if you're coming from Iraq, why did you choose to fly to Senegal?  Aren't there more direct air routes and destinations closer to where I am?

I mean, you went further south than necessary.  You could have flown directly to Europe, and from there it's an easy hop to 'Merica, and my airport is so close to me that I can actually spit and land it right on the runway.

Planning, laddie...planning is important.

So get on or in your plane and fly your ass to a location closer to me.  I will hand deliver the 850 dollar to you myself.   

But this is not what he wants to hear from me:

no no no  this is not how things work.  for diplomatic Yellow Tag and vaccination card to pay to the immigration to allow me to move to your country safely , this is only what i need to come there. once i get this money from you i will pay for the diplomatic Yellow Tag and travel directly to your country and deliver the box to you.   

Yes yes yes, this is how things SHOULD and CAN work, if only you knock it off with those negative waves.  Have a little faith, baby....have a little faith.  You fly closer to me and then I can hand deliver you the 850 dollar like a good business deal should.  

Like any good and getting frustrated scammer, Chris tries anything at this point:

waiting for the fees has to pay for the things needed.  you must allow me to finish my assign.

What are the things needed?  Is your sign a thing that is needed? 

After that, the diplomat turns to his employer, Primate Jessica,  for hep:

all this you are saying you agreed to help me secure my fund send the fees to him.  

taught by now my box have reached you   

Well Jessie babe, the box probably would have reached me by now if your directionally-challenged diplomat weren't sitting in Senegal.  I'm not in Senegal.  I'm right where I told him and you that I was.  And still am.  He needs to get his sorry ass OUT of Senegal and to here with dispatch.  His 850 dollar for needful things won't be here forever.  Stick your sword up his ass and hurry him along.  There's a good lass.

The silence that followed from both Jessica and her DIPlomat made it clear that yet another scammer endeavor had gone PHFFFFFFFFFT when leaving Scamland.