Sumerians Return From The Dead...Meh

I have to laugh when I hear from overseas American embassies.

Or at least, emails claiming to be from American overseas embassies...which always promise me money.

 Here is the latest effort to give me the business from an overseas American embassy...in Nigeria:

From The Embassy of United State

Plot 1075 Diplomatic

 Drive Central District Area, Abuja.

Telephone: (234)-818227329.

Dear Sir/Madam.

We had received From Joe Biden Led Administration to Investigate and Remit all the Foreign Pending Transaction of all the United State Citizens and Ally. Forensic Analysis From Online Database reveals that Billion of Dollars are in Nigerian Foreign reserve Account and Most of these Pending are Pending Payment assigned to United State Citizens and Allies.

Further Investigations that Most of the beneficiaries Abandon their Transaction due to illiteracy and Ignorance cause by doubts and Fears. As an Embassy, It should be a general Notification to the general Public that your Security and Success remains our Concern so We wish to know the reasons why You abandon Such amount of money in a Foreign Country.

There three different Types of International Payment.

1 Contract Payment

2 Inheritance Payment

3 Compensation Payment.

INHERITANCE PAYMENT ;Inheritance Payment is a Fund assigned to specific beneficiary, Either through Personal deposit or Savings or Third Parties referral as Next of Kin. The Third Parties in questions May be Friends or well Wisher but It is the duty of the Financial Agency to Pay the next of Kin, When there is evidence of death from the Original depositor. In Most Cases, It is possible for Such deposit to be Made without the knowledge of the next of Kin. e.t.c

Note; The deposited Amount May be in Hundred or Thousands but Accumulated into Million depending on the Years it has been deposited on saved in the Bank. This is Called (Interest)

2 COMPENSATION PAYMENT................... A typical example of this Payment is related to Airline Company, Whenever there is Air crash, It is the Legal duty of the Airline Company to Pay the Families of the Airline Victim, Note that before departure, All Passengers are expected to fill in Manifest their nearest Person to Contact, If there is emergency  which is not even necessary their next of Kin but anyone that he feels, He have the details etc.

Finally, Affected Beneficiaries should respond as soon as possible to us with their fears and worries that has made them to abandon Such Amount of Money.

Finally, Affected beneficiaries are advised to reconfirm the following details.

1 Full Name.........................

2 Full Address.......................

3 Mobile Telephone Number................

4 Reasons For Abandoning Such Amount of Money.

 

God Bless America

Signed by the Management

American Embassy   

All the time and practice these scammers have put in, and yet they still can't craft a believable US Embassy email.

Give them texts and all they did was eat the teachers.

My scambaiting character made this one easy:  he edited their email, and was generous with pictures to lowlight the various and sundried points:

From The Embassy of The Long Dead Sumerian Empire

Plot 1800 BC Diplomatic Drive Central District Area

Abuja, Nigeria.

Telephone: (234)-818227329.

Dear Sir/Madam/assorted mental illnesses if claiming something other,

We had received From Joe Biden-Led Administration to Investigate all photos and videos of him falling up a flight of stairs.  This is pernicious academia cassis clay, a form of pottery associated with burial urns and outhouses.

Further Investigations that most if not all photo-genital memes originating from Newark are the product of abandoned Beanie Baby collections that turned out to have no collector value whatsoever, a scam that led to ignorance cause by doubts and cnn misreporting. As an embassy of a long-dead empire, it should be a genital mortification to the genital pubic that your security and success remains our primary goal to undermine through Dominion voting machine software and pictures of maligNANCY Pelosi leaving a Motel 6 at 3 am with an inflatable sex toy resembling Gerald 'Jabba' Nadler.  

We wish to know the reasons why you resist the dictates of cnn and refuse to believe orange man bad even after us telling you so repeatedly and falsely for more than four years.

But if you help rescue Princess Markle from the evil Duke of Piers Morgan, she's rich* and there are rewards greater than you or Han Solo will imagine, though the latter can imagine quite a bit after using the kind of hallucinogens that dreamt up a yeti-wookie.

* ...well, at least she sorta was...

Three things completely unrelated to this endeavor:

1 Contract Payment

2 Inheritance Payment

3 Constipation Payment.

INHERITANCE PAYMENT:  non sequitur...your facts are uncoordinated.  Unless you are the Creator, at which time you will be spared sterilization of imperfection. When there is evidence of death from the point of origin, a cosmic fart is usually suspect.  Please note that the IRS will sneeze this payment in full every time.

CONSTIPATION PAYMENT................... A typical example of this Payment is related to the ancient stories of the Babylonian constipated mathematician, who worked it out with a pencil.  Whenever there is Air crash, It is the Legal duty of the Airline Company to not use that particular pencil to calculate WTF caused the air crash.  This was particularly relevant prior to 1903 and even sometimes now in Burundi.

We don't delve into Contract Payment, as our Mafia here doesn't do contracts, being thoroughly illiterate.

Finally, infected beneficiaries are advised to reconfirm the following details.

1 Full Name.........................

2 Full Address.......................

3 Mobile Telephone Number................

4 Reasons For Abandoning life-size inflatable yak sex toys outside the home of Maxine 'Flapper Lips' Waters.

 

Signed by the Management

Long-Dead Sumerian Embassy

"E cannibus anus delectus corpse tussle"   

This reply back to the scammer(s) drew no further repartee, but it did get my character on several lists of the DNC...