Skunkfeathers: Meeting the Mr. Bean Branch of Online Scammers

Scammers do read the news. Badly, but they do read it.

And at times, adapt their scams readily to it.

Though I suspect at times it's not the 'news' they're adapting from: it's the Onion. Or SNL. Or Monty Python. Or Mr. Bean.

Here is my latest 'face plant' of a scammer to do so:

I am Mrs.Ruth Williams Hermina Sies; I am a dying woman who has
decided to donate what I have to you I am 59 years old and I was
diagnosed for COVID.19 for about 2 Day ago, immediately after the
death of my husband, who has left me everything he worked for and
because the doctors told me I will not live longer than some days
because of my health, I decided to donate the sum of $35,400,000
(Thirty five million four hundred thousand dollars) to you for the
good work of humanity, and also to help the motherless and less
privilege and also for the assistance of the widows.

I wish you all the best and may the good Lord bless you abundantly,and
please use the funds well and always extend the good work to others.
Contact my lawyer(Senator Joseph sanusi) with this pecified
email:(I) and tell him that I have
donated($35,400,000.00) to you and I have also notified him. I know I
don’t know you but I have been directed to do this. my lawyer will
assist you to cliam the money from the world Central bank where it is
being deposited.

Thanks and God bless.

NB: I will appreciate your utmost confidentiality in this matter until the
task is accomplished as I don't want anything that will jeopardize my
last wish.
From Mrs.Ruth Williams.
call senator +19104477617

She included this photo as authentication:

Convincing, eh?

At least it was to my character:

Sounds like it sucks to be you.

Later the same day came this from her alleged atturkey, a 'Senator' from the dysfunctional state of Benin:

I senator Joseph sanusi is sorry to announce to you the death of Mrs Ruth William Yesterday night from covid relate to airplane crash. For swift transaction as not to waste any time you can have our chief accountant information to remit the fee of the .L.A.F so that the transfer can take place immediately without further delay okay. All you have to do is to go to the nearest MONEY GRAM office close to you and make the payment with the detail below through Money gram money transfer.

Details needed information

Your ID CARD..........

YOUR COUNTRY ....................................................

YOUR PHONE NUMBER..............................................

BANK DETAILS.....................................

Below is the information to remit the fee through money gram :
Send $185 USD by money gram his address
Reciever name MARKANTHONY GINIFOROCHUKWU ONWUANUIFE
city ..................cotonou
country .. Benin
Question.......... what for
answers ...............donation
MTCN.........................
Aways keep on your phone to enable you receive alert on i
MTCN# (Money Transfer Control Number) 10 digits:
Amount Sent:$185
call Me Senator +19104477617

*TOING*....she died "from covid relate to airplane crash".

Proofreading *FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL*

Forgetting ever'thang else herein, my character decided to hone in on not the manure of reported death, but yet another reason for the sudden demise of the esteemed and sauteed Mrs Ruth William:

She died rather quickly for a covid-related airplane crash. Did you murder her?

At first the 'Senator' tries to ignore that, though I note he omits her manure of death in this reply:

I senator Joseph sanusi the Attorney for MRs Ruth William from World
central bank i am sorry to announce to you the death of Mrs Ruth
William Yesterday night.
so For swift transaction as not to waste any time you can have our
chief accountant information to remit the fee of the .L.A.F so that
the transfer can take place immediately without further delay okay.
All you have to do is to go to the nearest MONEY GRAM office close to
you and make the payment with the detail below through Money gram
money transfer.
Below is the information to remit the fee through money gram :
Send $185 USD by money gram his address

we needed all your information.*
*1. Your Full Name..................*
Your Full Mailing Address................. 3. Your Contact
Telephone............... 4. Your Age And Occupation Stator.............. 5.
Your nearest Airport.................. ll your Shipment
Details:...................... Shipment Code: AXIB YURXTLV-AZ Package
Registration Certificate No; WL20100027 Package approval Certificate No:
HNP44065-12442 Security Code No: WYH-U01002 Serial No: XGT01/JLMK20107
Package Size: 2m by 4m, Weight of the items: 2.01kg. Reply back to me This
Is all documents needed to delivery it. TRANSFER ACTIVATION CODE TAC564387
C.O.T CODE COT63521 NON RESIDENCE TAX CLEARANCE CODE TC35683 USA APPROVAL
CODE WASHTON252597 call Me Senator +19104477617
Aways keep on your phone to enable you receive alert on i
MTCN# (Money Transfer Control Number) 10 digits:
Amount Sent:$185

Jack wasn't so willing to let it go:

I believe I asked you a question. A question you covid-ducked.

Did you murder her? No verbal tap dancing; just answer the question put to you.

I am beginning to think that I am talking to a DNC 'senator':

All you have to do is to go to the nearest MONEY GRAM office close to you and make the payment with the detail below through Money gram money transfer.

Below is the information to remit the fee through money gram :
Send $185 USD by money gram his address
Reciever name MARKANTHONY GINIFOROCHUKWU ONWUANUIFE
city ..................cotonou
country .. Benin
Question.......... what for
answers ...............donation
MTCN.........................

Aways keep on your phone to enable you receive alert on i
MTCN# (Money Transfer Control Number) 10 digits:
Amount Sent:$185

The print's bigger and it's all writ in 'bold' so as to return to the point the 'senator' wants addressed, without addressing my character's seminal question. Eh:

Jen Psuki isn't circling back for you now. Until you confess to murdering Ruth, this business you're trying to give me cannot proceed.

A level of desperate exasperation appears:

I do not murder Mrs Ruth! Why you say that?

all you have to do is to go to the nearest MONEY GRAM office close to you and make the payment with the detail below through Money gram money transfer.

Below is the information to remit the fee through money gram :
Send $185 USD by money gram his address
Reciever name MARKANTHONY GINIFOROCHUKWU ONWUANUIFE
city ..................cotonou
country .. Benin
Question.......... what for
answers ...............donation
MTCN.........................

Aways keep on your phone to enable you receive alert on i
MTCN# (Money Transfer Control Number) 10 digits:
Amount Sent:$185

Nobody 'dies' from a "covid related to airplane crash" without the induction of artificial stimuli to aid the plane in the crashing of same. If that's how you claim Mrs. Ruth die, then I contend that it was you that rigged it to do so. Here's an example of how that works (and I include the following photo):