It Escaped One Night

Even after 20 years of this nonsense, I never know just which direction the editing of a scammer email is going to go.

The scammers...they know less.  Many never even notice what I dun to their song, Ma.

And some do.

Here's a kind of not-really new one from a scammer of dubious templatcedence:

Official Notification.

MW

 

Mr.Paul Williams <accrued.interest.payment@acdcfan.com>

Mon 12/31/2018, 6:17 PM

You

 

Attention: Beneficiary,
I am Mr. Paul Williams, Managing Director of the American Clearing House, a subsidiary of International Centre For Settlement of Investment Disputes (ICSID) and Economic Debt Management Reconciliation of World Bank Group.  

I write on behalf of the American Clearing House, to know if you sent Mr. James Durward Gilliard to claim your funds.
Mr. James Durward Gilliard whose copy of International Passport I shall furnish you with, told us that he is your Next of kin and that you are dead, thus he is representing you as your heir. If you are still alive, you are expected to reconfirm to this office to avoid any irregularities as your money is now ready to be transferred to the account he presented to us alongside given irrevocable power of attorney and payment guarantee.

Suffixed it to note that, we shall proceed to issue all payments to the said Mr. James Durward Gilliard if we do not hear from you within the next two working days from today.

Waiting for your immediate response.

 

Yours faithfully,
Mr. Paul Williams (Ph.D)
(ICSID)
American Clearing House forÂ
International Direct Credit  www.acdcfan.com Â
[?&cs=wh&v=b&to=info.american.clearing.house@gmail.com]info.american.clearing.house@gmail.com  

 

 

It probably didn't help that when I received this (a) I was just getting over a bout with the flu and (b) I had just laughed my way through the infamous South Park episode on Scientology (Season 9, E 12).

 

However, in view of the flu, I decided it was best if I let my pet rock, Seymour, channel my normal editing character, and turn his 'editing gone wild' self loose on Mr. Williams here.  The results...are typically Seymour bizarre:

 

 

From: Mr.Paul Williams <accrued.interest.payment@acdcfan.com>
Sent: Monday, December 31, 2018 6:18 PM
To: MesopotamianFarticles101@hotmail.com
Subject: Official And Olfactual Notification

 

Attention:
I am Mr. Paul Williams, the rather badly-managing misdirector of the Americans Clearing Houses With Flatulence, a subsidiary of International Centre For Settlement of Local Environmental Pancake Disputes (ICSEPD) and Economic Miasma Reconciliation of World Methane Bank Group.

 

I write on behalf of the Americans Clearing Houses With Flatulence, to know if you sent Mr. James Durward Gilliard a paint peeler in a hermetically-sealed container.  If you did...it leaked.

Mr. James Durward Gilliard whose copy of International Passport I planned to furnish you with -- until it was irreparably destroyed during the leak -- told us that he is forever scarred by one of the most potent garlic-n-onion flatulents he was overwhelmed by when your packet to him leaked.  Well over half of his currentcedence, all of his house plants, his pet komodo dragon, his Pink Floyd albums and every last one of his rare petrified tree collection are now dead, thus he is seeking representation against you in the World Court of Olfactrionics.  Assuming, that is, he can find an atturkey brave enough to get an environmental deposition from you in an EPA Super Fund site to be built sometime in the next 30 years, if it can clear all the environmental impact studies and L. Ron Hubbard thetan meter reading malfunctions that leads everyone in Sillytology to believe a cartoon character in South Park is going to help them make $3 million dollars from idiots like L. Ron Hubbard's Thetan Street Band. 

If your own miasma has not totally turned you into irredeemable corned beef hash fecal projectiles, launched from alien DC-8s by Xenu, the Evil Mooch of Thetanoscopy, and some biological aspect of you is a bit more alive than the ozone depleters you poot regularly, you are expected to reconfirm to this office to avoid any irregularities like they employ at cnn, a place where irregularities are DSOP (Drunk and Sorry Operating Pinheads).

You must give us an irrevocable power of atturkey guarantee that you will not enclose one of those paint peeling EF-5 rated fartnamies with this email.

Suffixed it to note that, we shall proceed to issue resuscitation equipment available to what's left of said Mr. James Durward Gilliard if we do not hear from you because his trauma was furthered by the tragic catastrophic deflation of his Hellary-in-2016 inflatable sex toy when it caught a whiff of what you dun.

Waiting for your immediate response.

Mr. Paul Williams (pH.d)
(ICSED)
Americans Clearing Houses With Flatulence
International Centre For Settlement of Local Environmental Disputes

www.gofundmygenitalwart.com
[?&cs=wh&v=b&to=info.american.clearing.house@gmail.com]info.american.clearing.house@gmail.com

Mr. Williams apparently feels that there's no positive future in following up contact with my character-channeling pet rock.

After having read it, I tend to agree.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"