Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Will It Resonate With Scammers?

I'd almost forgotten about this.  It came up in Season 3, the last episode of South Park, as the four hooligans (Cartman, Stan, Kyle and Kenny) tried to find and insert the infamous 'brown note' into a world-wide recorder concert.

They succeeded.  It almost rivalled the ca-ca generated by the DNC.  But I digress.

In 2008, activist and radical organizations planning to protest at the DNC in Denver (a pathetic effort to "Recreate '68") demanded to know from the Denver Police Department if they had and planned to deploy a 'brown note crowd disperser'.

Yes, the morons really demanded to know that.  Small wonder so many of them can't find jobs.

From what I have read, the 'brown note' is a myth, and a heretofore as well as afterfore discredited theory.  It's referred to as metonymy, and is alleged to be a note played at a infrasonic frequency between 5 and 9 Hz (disambiguation).  If it worked as reputed -- and so far, it hasn't -- to be exposed to it causes one to lose control of their bowels to this particular resonance.

Personally, I thought "The View" was the closest thing to the brown note in existence.  But it's only two of the bowels on that show that lose control, and it's usually because of their own abject idiocy.

Anyway...I received a scam email that suddenly reminded me of 'the brown note'.  You may read of it yourself:


FROM : MR MARCUS JONAS
J. MARCUS AGENCY GHANA LTD.
ADDRESS 55 AIRPORT ROAD ACCRA GHANA AC4A P.O BOX 9049.



Dear Sir/Madam,
I write to inform you that we are interested in bulk purchase of your
products. Please kindly send to us your catalog/Website through email
attachment. And we would like to inquire about the following:


*Packing conditions?
*Your delivery time?
*Payment terms?


Regards,
Have A Great Day.
MR MARCUS JONAS
J. MARCUS AGENCY GHANA LTD.
E-MAIL
:      gov.bid@aol.com


The Christmas holiday is rapidly approaching – assuming the Mayans don’t louse it up – so I decided to combine the generosity of the Christmas spirit of giving, with the aforementioned episode of South Park. The resulting email incorporating ‘the brown note’ was not a thing of beauty, but then it’s from a scammer and back to a host of scammers...in this case, beauty is singularly subjective in the eyes of the editor (aka, me):


FROM : DR MARCUS JONAS
DR. J. MARCUS RESEARCH 'N ASSORTED CRAP AGENCY GHANA LTD.
ADDRESS 55 AIRPORT ROAD ACCRA GHANA AC4A P.O BOX 9049.



Dear Sir/Madam,
I write to inform you that we are interested in finding out if you would be interested in a revolutionary breakthrough that we have recently made here in Ghana, regarding Hz (disambiguation) frequency resonance research.

 
In short...we have perfected audio dissemination of....metonymy. Aka, "the brown note".

 
Through selective audio resonance projection over secretly and strategically placed sound speakers, we recently replicated the up-until-then "brown note" -- at a subaudio level of 6.9 Hz -- that caused an entire public assembly of Ghana wildebeest herders to lose control of their bowels due to the specific subaudio frequencied resonance.

 In short, they sh** themselves at our audio command. It was awesome. And messy.

 Until now, research into effective demonstrations of metonymy had been limited to one episode of South Park
. Not any more.


 We have the answer. The formula. And the power.

 And as the holiday gift-giving season approaches, that answer, formula and power can be yours. And at what we consider to be a reasonable cost.

 Think of the hours of joy your gift recipients can have, replicating the 'brown note' at events and with people who they KNOW to be full of sh**. Now, the fact that they are full of sh** can be concealed no more.


Our operators are standing by their email to take your orders for our "Brown Note Resonating Replicator by Bonco". Email us at  gov.bid@aol.com 
soonest, and get yours in time for Christmas!


Regards,
Have A Great Day; make it sh**ty for someone else.
DR. MARCUS JONAS
DR. J. MARCUS RESEARCH 'N ASSORTED CRAP AGENCY GHANA LTD.E-MAIL:
gov.bid@aol.com


I thought that Mr. Marcus Jonas would not only be thrilled to find himself elevated to the position of "Doctor", but that I had provided him with a notion by which he could make money off of other scammers.

As it turned out, I was more impressed with it than Jonas was:

f**k u and brown noise urself

He didn't like it.

So in answer to my title question, I reckon it won't.  Too bad, too:  never in the world of human events have so many needed to be emptied of sh** as scammers.  Well okay, democrats too.

Perhaps the idea went over poorly because, to paraphrase a famous ad says, "Got Paper?".  And they're still using tree bark over there...

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2 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Are you sure you aren't talking to the same guy all the time? Their responses all see to be the same, or very close. I did chuckle with him changing it from the brown note to the brown noise (nose?). Just saying.

Have a terrific weekend. My best to Seymour. :)

08 December, 2012 06:55  
Blogger Jenny the Pirate said...

Whatever scatological powers that be, however sincere or diabolical, please don't play that note for my baby grandson. Thank you and good night.

27 December, 2012 21:30  

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