The UN Does Ever'thang

Dawgs will sniff each others butts, but there are some things that a dawg will simply draw the line at.

With email scammers....uhm....not so much.

As y'all know, I've been in the mode recently of rewriting email scam emails -- the sillier and more disgusting, the better -- and shooting them back to the scammer what sent it to me, along with 25 or so of his/her fellow scammers.

Once in a while, it gets me a death threat from an unamused scammer. Or my being told to procreate off, in less eloquent syntax.

But I have to say, I found me a real door knob of a scammer h'yar. And I think we can all agree: a door knob's pretty dumb.

'Cept when compared with Bill Maher. But I digress.

I recently received an email scam that advised I was being awarded a grant by "the UNDP Grant Program", one of those numerous thangs that email scammers love to attribute to the 'tits on a boar' United Nations.

Well...I re-writ it a tad, widda new twist, as follers:

Joshua.Robinson@arbor.edu did(n't) write:

UNDerPants Grant Program

This is to notify all you cretins out there that your email has been granted a free change of clean underpants, since we understand from your pervert proctologist, Dr. Samuel Okoronji (a two-time death threater to me, so I just keep pourin' it on that twatwaffle), that you haven't yet changed your underpants or wiped your f***ing ass after a sh** in more than 10 years.

Clearly, you have anal retention issues, but we digress.

The UN Foundation Program for the Changing of Soiled UnderPants By F***ing Moron Third World Skanks, is funding this program, because they're sick of smelling your foul, unclean asses! To claim your clean underpants, contact our designated (this week) UNderPants secretary, Mrs. Shannon Maris at ( ).

Now, that went out to "Mrs Maris", and 25 of her recent email scamming reprobates, at email addresses that are, for now, still working. Most times, I get nothing back, including from the originator of the scam: they're almost smart enough to read that their ploy didn't work h'yar, and move onto stupider responders.

But one lil' feller -- identified as Kwesi Associate, from email addy kwesiasso1@qatar.io -- did respond. And more than once.

Funny...he didn't respond when I rewrote HIS email scam; or to about a dozen others I've sent him in the past week. But THIS one drew his response.

And we began something of a dialogue. Such as it was.

Here is Kwesi's reply:

My brother pls give me box i what wolk wilt you pls add me wilt this id aaustaino so will can chart thank you so mush.

When I got done laughing my ass off, I finally managed to translate this to mean that he wanted my Yahoo chat ID (via the mail) to "chart about wolking wilt me".

I didn't provide thus right away; instead, I responded in a vernacular it appeared that he could understand:

Willy you wolk wilt me can chart so mush?

30 minutes later, I gets this h'yar ree-ply:

My brother tell me how mush you will cell this your box for me pls i will pay you just tell me, thank you so mush

Okay....it's May, but someone's trying a belated April Fools joke on me, right? My response back, staying in character:

Cell this my box? Nevah been axed that afore. How mush you want pay for this my box?

His response didn't even take 30 minutes this time:

my brother add me for rust to tuk abut it this is my id aaustaino so will can chart thank you so mush

You knowd that I just gotta keep goin' h'yar:

Okey with dokey let me rust to tuk abut it with this my box, i add you id so we can chart thank you so mush.

And before he can respond further, I go ahead and add his Yahoo IM id to my account, and wha la, the icon comes up that sez he's "available". So I start in:

i r ready for chart now. you as mush ready to discuss cell of that my box?

Danged if he didn't respond. I try again:

my chart time for with box is short, yes? Rust up or very mush miss tuk abut it my box.

Dang...still, his icon sez he's there, but he ain't responding. One more try:

Hey, rust tuk abut to go mush mush my box, y'know? Vewy tink siwwy here tuk wilt this accent. U sabe?

And with that, his icon changed to 'offline'.

Y'don' suppose I hut his feewings wilt that tuk of mine? Either that...or maybe, he got around to checking his underpants. And discovered I was right ;-)