Saturday, April 4, 2009


If there was a shred of doubt that I'm a technophobe and just not trendy or remotely hip, this'll fix it: I don't Twitter.
Oh sure, I have a computer. And widdit, I email, blog, research and scambait. All perfectly understood technologies of the late 20th Century.
But I don't Twitter widdit.
Oh sure, I have a page on Facebook. One that I visit occasionally and periodically update with Jurassic-era 35mm photos I still take. But in 21st Centuryspeak, I am a technophobe. I don't have a cell phone. I don't have a digital camera. I don't have an ipod. I don't have a blackberry. I don't have an iphone. I no longer have a bluetooth, thanks to my dentist (he got it before it grew out of my ear, unlike some other poor schleps). Therefore, I don't text. Nor do I Twitter, even though with my practically-antique technology -- a desk top PC circa 2005 -- I could.
A local radio talkshow duet on the afternoon commute-time in Denver was all atwitter about Twitter on a recent segment, and was so gassed and ginned up about it, they talked about starting their own Twitter "page" for their show online. And more than a few callers -- most of which called in on i or cell phones -- were enthused by the idea.
I'm sorry...but WTF? That's "why", not "what".
As I understand Twitter, you can 'tweet' text messages of up to 140 characters, and once you've registered on Twitter (making you a Twitter-er, I reckon), you can build you up a 'network' of followers -- like you collect 'friends' on Facebook and My Space -- and they can follow your every tweet, and even comment on each and every tweet. You can Twitter about your whole day, from start to finish, in up to 140 character twitter bursts, leaving no one who's cyber out of your routine if they want to follow your Twitterpations. And simply anyone who wants to read your twitterations, can.
I can remember back in the far distant past -- the 1990s -- when some sports celebrities had achieved enough of a cult status and following, they had 1-900 phone numbers that fans could call, to be updated (via recordings) on things they did during their regular day, like what they ate for breakfast, what they read, who they had lunch with, what steroids they were doing, etc.
Then came cell phones and texting, and pre-teens to grandparents could text back and forth about anything and nothing. Like:
Teen: what doing Gramps
Gramps: soaking my teeth. You?
Teen: playing video games.
Gramps: that's nice. Do your homework.
Teen: whatEVer.
They could do this from anywhere. And now, they can Twitter from anywhere, to anyone who wants to or cares to know what they're doing at any given moment on any given day. For example:
Twttrer: Im on the can, in middle of gnarly power dump, dude
Twt: whoa, does it look like anyone u know
Twt2: yo mamma dude
Twt3: thats messed up dude
Twttr: least u can't smell it 2
Twt4: TMI dude
Yawp. I can see where people would consider this cutting-edge technology and want to be a phart of it.
Granted, I reckon there are some practical applications for Twitter. Probably some useful business applications. Probably some useful journalism/media applications. Probably some useful tech-help and research applications. The radio talkshow duet went on to highlight this idea when talking to a couple of entrepreneurs who used Twitter in conjunction with their online and conventional businesses.
And then they went onto undermine the practicality aspect when they interviewed a college journalism and Ecommunications expert, who noted that politicians are big on Twitter. In fact, he noted that politicians who are quick-witted and funny, can make masterful use of Twitter to impress and communicate with their voters, especially the young and/or technically adept ones.
He was just as quick to note that politicians who aren't funny or quick-witted, are able to stick their thumbs in their mouths within 140 characters, and leave their opponents all kinds of Twitterbytes to use against them in the next election cycle.
So, I could join Twitter and follow my congressional rep, eh?
Why bother? I already knew he was an idiot, before he became a Twidiot. I don't need to join the cyber "in-crowd" to learn a truth that's already abundantly self-evident through old-fashioned means (radio, TV...*gasp*...newsprint, or even on my rapidly-becoming Jurassic desktop).
So for now, I'm content to be a technotsaurus. A middle-aged stick-in-the-mud, who still goes online with dial up, watches DVDs on an antique TV, has a microwave old enough to vote, and listens to audio cassettes on his Sony Walkman.
Besides, I can tell you about a power dump on here, anytime, without being a Twidiot about it. And here, I can truly be 'gross', by using a full 144 characters.
*ducking boos and throwd texting acronyms*


Blogger Little Lamb said...

I too, don't twitter. I also have a facebook account and I can testify to the fact you do use it occasionally.

04 April, 2009 04:56  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Being an individual some might call and old fart, I have done what I can to keep up to date with lots of the techno stuff.

Our oldest daughter says that I know just enough to be dangerous, but I digress.

You sound as though you are quite technologically aware.

As you know I too have a facebook page. After all we have agreed to be facebook friends. I did get a Twitter page. I follow three and am followed by 2. Every other week or so, I visit the page and realize what a waste of tme it is. However, as an old fart, I sometimes need diversion.

With warm weather approaching, I expect I will spend less time at the computer. Thank goodness I do not have a blackberry to keep track of too.

Make it a great day.

04 April, 2009 06:09  
Blogger Debbie said...

I'm with you, sort of. I have a pave on MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, and any number of other sites, but I don't do anything with them. I only opened them so because I got so many invites etc. from other people. If I have something to say I call someone on the phone, write them a note or email, or put up a post at Right Truth. I don't sent out emails when I put up a new post, I don't "pimp" out articles, or anything like that. I figure if people want to know what I'm saying, they know where Right Truth is. I'm sure not going to push the site on them.

I do have a cellphone, laptop, digital camera and video camera, but I don't text or email things from my phone, don't have an iPhone or Blackberry, but I do have an iPod.

There's not enough time to keep up with all these networking sites.

Debbie Hamilton
Right Truth

05 April, 2009 13:41  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh gawd, what a funny post! I about sprayed my monitor with coffee, not once but twice!

05 April, 2009 23:00  
Blogger ANNA-LYS said...

That is a priceless pic :-D

06 April, 2009 01:01  
Blogger Serena said...

I don't Twitter, either. Lord knows, I already have enough stuff to do. I don't need any more "chores." Plus, I heard this woman giving an "interview" the other day about the Binghampton shootings. Come to find out, she didn't actually see anything. Rather, she said she was "Twittering" and got all her information from "Twittering." For a moment, I thought she was talking about she was having a seizure or something. And then I thought how very silly that sounded.

06 April, 2009 17:24  
Blogger jenniferw said...

LOL! I can trump your circa 2005 PC ... mine harks back to 2003, and seriously needs to be replaced. I have never owned a lapop, a blackberry, an iPod, or any other such gadget, and I only own a cell phone because I have to, for work. I hate the thing and sometimes don't know where it is for days. Last summer I dropped it into the pool (where it drowned) and if I could have gotten away with not replacing it, I would have.

I've never had a Facebook or Myspace page, and never will.

But I do blog(as thee knows), and I do tweet on Twitter.

The blogging is satisfying enough, but twittering is a total waste of time.

I should stop, but somehow I can't.

06 April, 2009 19:42  

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