"Live LAP AID" -- II

Oh, do I REALLY NEED TO THINK ABOUT GETTING A REAL LIFE!

Okay, I'm over it.









So all "Tony" is after is a piddling $300 for a used laptop out of me?

What a Third World cheeseball.

But wait...there was that absolutely mondo *TOING* that blew what's left of my brain cells into another level of schmuckdom, that made me just hafta go there.

And I break the news to Tony with genuine enthusiasm:

Tony, dude:
Forget your used laptop for a piddling $300, dude. We are sooooooooo beyond that now!

I was discussing your needs with my staff during our afternoon ideas 'n meth meeting, and we were pooling our available bread when one of my staff hit upon a totally rad notion: "Dudes! Let's do a charity concert for Tony and his rag!"

Like, totally cosmic, dude.

If it works for these establishment suits and other stiff-neck bugeyed conformists -- y'know, like FarmAid, LiveAid, EarthAid and KewlAid -- then we are sure as snortin' good quality junk that we can make this a hit that benefits you like no business anyone ever gave us before!

We're gonna call it "Live LapAid", and the venue will be one ouf our well-established top-notch underground coffee houses, right here in the bowels of the Haight-Ashbury district, a venue absolutely filthy in the tradition of counter-culture and free anything-goes!

I'm talking to a couple local promoters I know and they feel we can get a superb cast of some of the skidrow of Berkeley's and Haight-Ashbury's garage bands and acts, or a day of Railing Against The Corporate Machine, to aid our brother Tony and his mag. AND ALL THE PROCEEDS WILL GO TO YOUR MAGAZINE!

Whaddaya say, Tony? Are you in with us on this? I can have this all over the place inside of two days! You just give me the word, and it's ROCK ON, DUDE! And not only will the proceeds go to your giving us the business, but LOOK AT THE PUBLICITY YOUR PROJECT WILL GET OVER THIS, MY MAN! IT'S DA BOMB, TONY, DA BOMB!

With your needs in mind, we gotta move faster than bowels on this, Tony. You good widdit?

Either I'm getting fuller and fuller of genuine sh**, or this lad is, in the words of Bugs Bunny, "a gullibull...a nincowpoop"....or probably both:

Masato!
Thanks! You must be a good man! Quite fascinating you have a good deal ahead concerning the project.I am alright with it in as much as it's for the betterment and development of the project.If this is feature and some more, I think Nigerian people would loive it talkless of the Americans if you could market the Magazine overthere as well.

Please let me know what to do and also when presisely this show shall take place??

As at the Moment we have about five Good Writers.I promise this project is going to be good deal.Bless you!!!
Tony
Editor

Okay....now that I've put my greedy, mean-spirited, conservative foot in it...how am I gonna pull off an underground, counter-culture street concert in the Haight-Ashbury district of San Francisco, faux as it'll be?

Easy: minimal research and maximum BS...

Tony,
After my first meeting with the promoters, I am convinced that you'll get all you deserve and more from the fruits of "Live LapAid"!

I have a very busy weekend ahead of me now, for I must confirm a venue for the performances, and work with the promoters to get a good mix and "draw" of bands and entertainment to bring out the Haight-Ashburyites like they flocked during the Summers of Love back in the 60s and 70s. We want a full deja vu for all those aging hippies who'll recall with fondness and fogginess a real "Summer of Stoned experience, man".

One local band I want for this is one I'm interviewing for an upcoming edition: they play a mix of heavy metal funk and hip-hop spirituality, ladled with a sound touched by angel dust. The group is Hung Daddy Dew Drop and the Wads, and I understand they have a gig on SNL in three or four months, depending on parole. They alone will be a huge draw for "Live LapAid"!

I'll be in touch early next week, Tony. In the meantime....I need your full name, the names of all of your staff, and your photo, for the promo posters I need to get to making. Time is a laptop, dude!

Ask, and sometimes ye shall receive:

Masato,
I really appreciate your great effort and encouragement!!!!! My name in full...

YERIMOH OMOSETOMEH EZEKIEL TONY

The names of my staff are:

Anthony Esquire (Poet from Nigeria)

Kevin Johnson (correspondent from United State of American)

JAER (correspondent from China) (I thought he said there were five...oh well...)

My photo is enclosed.

Thank you!!!
Tony
Editor

So how does a straight-leg conservative bo-ring yahdbird like me, fake being a wild-eyed multi-nik from the most whacked-out place in Califorlornia? Actually, easier than the fradulent prof, Ward Churchill, plagiarizing and fabricating his so-called research: via the Internet.

Next up: "Live LapAid III"