Just Lucky I Guess

On February 20, 2009, the New York Times broke a story about how Citigroup was scammed for $27 million dollars by Nigerian 419 email scammers (at least one of which was taken into custody when he entered this country from Singapore). They were taken in part because (a) the scammers faxed "authentic-looking documents" to Citigroup, along with (b) human contacts and cell phone numbers for Citigroup to contact to verify the *authenticity* of the documents.

We'll forget for a moment that Citigroup is one of them Federal Reserve bailout recipients *DOH*.

How is it, you might ponder, that Citigroup -- a large, multi-billion dollar financial, world-wide operation -- could get suckered by Third World scammers, on the basis of a few "authentic-looking documents" and some cell phone numbers?

You might try asking Citigroup. I doubt you'll get an answer.

When I first heard about this -- from a fellow blogger (Bob McCarty) who suggested to Citigroup that they ought to hire me to monitor their "authentic-looking documents" department -- I shook my head in amusement, forgetting for a moment that some of my tax dollars are bailing these idjits out *DOH*.

Then, I had one of those "don't you hate when this happens" *TOING*s: but for the grace of God and authentic-looking documents, there perhaps might have gone I, if I were as intellectually gifted as a door knob. Which might not be a bad thing if it'd get me a bailout from the government too, but I digress.

I mean, when I hear from the scammers, I receive documents meant to convince me that the scammer is authentic, and not a scammer. Apparently, however, most of the documents I receive aren't up to "authentic-looking" standards. 'Cuz I ain't convinced of their authenticity.

Perhaps I should apologize for coming along before the advent of dumbed-down education, and maybe I'll get around to the apology in 30 years, but I digress some more. Anyway, back to the documents.

Like fer instance, one of the latest ones I got, via Idris Musa and his cohorts from the Bank of Africa, Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, West Africa (with branches from Abu to Zangabungabunga, and a BOA Superstore coming to the Serengeti, I reckon). After the preliminary hooha, his contact with BOA -- Rev (Dr.) Michel Comboro -- sent me what I was expected to treat as an "authentic-looking document", fill out, and send back, in preparation for being told how much the legal fees would be to process the transfer of a large sum of money made up of unpaid taxes by Obama cabinet appointees.

Now, common scambaiting courtesy demands that I fill out the form and send it back, and being the kind of person I am (no explanation needed), how could I not? But, I have to tell you that I am disappointed that I wasn't convinced of the authenticity of the document, as I read through and answered the 15 questions I was required to answer. Which I'll recap for you here, with the document questions in bold, and my answers in italics. All spelling is as it is in the doc:

1. What is the name of the deseased customer? Mr. John Korovo, which you printed in all caps immediately above this question.

2. What is his nationality? Don't you mean, what WAS his nationality?

3. What is his occupation? Corpse. I mean, you did ask what IS, as opposed to what WAS...

4. What kind of account is he operating in this bank? If he's operating any just now, you have proof of life after death, and can make trillions, dude.

5. What is his account number? *I just made one up...in almost all cases, they don't care*

6. How old was he when he dead? As old as he was gonna get, I reckon.

7. What kind of relationship is you have with deseased customer? Ewww...none. Not into necrophilia, you pervert.

8. When exactly did he died? When exactly did his plane land nose-first without wheels?

9. Did the deseased customer own a firm in this country? I'm sure he did, like all deseased-from-air-travel-dysfunction foreign customers of BOA.

10. Ififyes, what is the name of the firm? The International Dung Beetle Construction Company *a tribute to the late blogger Horse Tail Snake, Gene Maudlin*.

11. Was he married before his dead? Dunno, but he sure screwed around a lot, what with a wild 'n frisky reputation that garnered him a nickname like Wang Ho.

12. If yes, what was the name of his wife? See answer to #11.

13. Did the deseased customer have children when he dead? I doubt it, unless his unknown wife was in labor when his plane had unrecoverable aerodynamic boomsedaisy.

14. If yes, mention their names? *oh, what the heck* Muck, Mire, Spike, Putz and Circumphrance.

15. State clearly the residence addres of the deseased customer in Burkina Faso?

If I state it clearly, this document has to have a recording device embedded in the fibers. How's about I write it? 69 Blowdtabits, 18 Avenue Lundun Puddytat, BP 4357, Ouaga 01.

With authenticity like that, I can see how Citigroup was taken in *DOH*.

And with the bank's response a day later to those answers (We is pleased to announced to you we are authentic with your answers and will begin to process you application), I can see how I might just have a reservation or two about the issue of authentication in this h'yar case.

Of course, I fauxsent the requested fees -- $3,500 USD for legal fees and document procurement, since they were so authenticated -- using an oft-used bogus Western Union receipt, resized just enough to make it mildly illegible, which they tried to cash twice before declaring me "a bad person of none honesty", along with a few other frills and dressin'.

Which, of course, with folks like these, I am *DOH* And I can authenticate that.

In the meantime, I have yet to receive an invitation from Citigroup to help them with their document authentication process. If my luck holds, I won't get one.