Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Bad Skunk II: Unexpected Update

Bad Skunk. But getting better, badly. Sorta.
It seemed to me that after a couple weeks of ringing my phone and not leaving a message for the International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute -- *snort* -- I'd finally rid myself of Madison's Who's Who. They'd finally figured it all out.
*Buzzer* Wrong.
Wednesday morning, February about 6:48am, my phone rang; I ignored it. No message left. Again at 7:05am; same refrain. When it happened again at 7:15am, I was where I could see caller ID: NYC calling.
Then another call at 7:30am. Having pondered the options here, I chose the worse one and I answered the phone. Bad skunk. Baaaaaaad skunk.
Here's the gist of the call:
MWW: (I didn't catch his name): I'm uh...I'm trying to reach *me*...
Me: Congratulations; you have. Tell me, do you people ever receive training in using the second half of a voice mail system?
MWW: Excuse me?
Me: You're excused, and the question stands. Do you ever leave messages when the option presents itself?
MWW: Uh, Mr. *me*, I'm just trying to follow up on our conversations with you a couple weeks ago...
Me: You might have more success if you complete that other half of the training. However, now we're talking mano a you-o....what can I do for you?
MWW: Well, we never got an answer from you regarding a membership and publication in our upcoming edition...
Me: *easing off on the bad skunk a tad...sorta* You are kidding me, right?
MWW: What do you mean?
Me: Fella...even if my initial response to you wasn't a clear and concise clue, my follow up conversation with the lady who called here should have been. I mean...the International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute? That doesn't set off all kinds of flags and "whoa Nellies" with you?
MWW: *first sign of a tad perturbed*...Sir, just what are you talking about?
Me: Process this with me, fella: the International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute. Training crustaceans. Puh-lease...doesn't that sound hokey enough to make a point?
MWW: *second sign of a tad perturbed*..Sir, now just how are we supposed to know that?
Me: Tell the initial application, you claim to do a lot of research into the candidates you choose. What research went into me, my so-called "professional" credentials and my "executive experience"? And did you folks bother to check out my education? My so-called "masters" in "progressive crustaceanology" from the Harvard Business School? A phone call would have cleared that up quicker than duck diarreha.
MWW: Sir, I am calling to get your commitment to a membership; I don't work on the research end..
Me: That much is obvious, so let me help you with the're not going to get a commitment. Since you folks don't seem to get the obvious.. *time to quit being the baaaaad skunk*.. I'm not buying a membership.
MWW: Why not?
Me: Duh...because when I received your application, I thought you were just another scam or phishing email. So I was yanking your chain, just like I do the many Nigerian email scammers I hear from. There is no International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute; and if any of you would make a call to "Hah-vahd", you'd find there's no masters degree in progressive crustaceanology.
MWW: Uh, what is it you're telling me...*first sign of realization*...that you're just making all this up?
Me: Bingo, pay the gentleman in the red dress! It's a faux company I use to screw with email scammers. It doesn't exist. In reality, I am a nobody who couldn't get listed in the Nobody's Almanac, let alone in the business or professional world. I have a small time job and write humor on a blog. I am beyond the bottom of the "movers and shakers" food chain.
MWW: *he actually laughs*...well, I'll be....I have to admit, your situation did kind of sound rather odd.
Me: "Rather odd"? You folks shoulda figured it out after the lady interviewed me. Pardon me for being a bit astonished and amused that you're only now getting it.
MWW: Well sir, we do get some rather interesting and unusual listings that aren't faked, but *laughs again* I have to tell you that you are probably the funniest phone call I'll have this week.
Me: Well, it's my pleasure to entertain you so early in the day...but no membership here. I'm as professional as a pull chain on a toilet.
MWW: *laughs again* Okay, I get your point. Thanks for the explanation and the laughs.
*end of call*
Now MAYBE....just MAYBE...I'm finally done with Madison's Who's Who. Having said that....who's next?
That answer comes in a reprise of my ultimate scambait classic from 2007: Live LapAid!


Blogger Monica said...

You know...I was all excited about having a friend who was a professional crustaceanologist (is that even a word?)...but NO, you had to tell him the truth.

Well, I can always claim to know the director, right?

Second morning no it APRIL yet? geez.

23 February, 2007 06:02  
Blogger Raggedy said...

OMG I can't stop lauging. You are such a riot! Thank you for sharing your call with us.
You are not the bottom of the movers and shakers in my world babe!
You are awesome!
Have a wonderful day!
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

23 February, 2007 17:59  
Blogger Herb said...

Well, since we all love you here, maybe you're nobody till somebody loves you. I mean that in the most manliest way possible, of couorse.

24 February, 2007 06:13  
Blogger deni said...

Maybe we should come up with a Who's Who of the Blogging World, you would have my vote!!

27 February, 2007 06:56  
Anonymous Bob McCarty said...


11 March, 2009 20:24  
Blogger jenniferw said...

mano a you-o ... LOLOLOLOLOL

You crack me up, skunk. I loves ya. This was one of your funniest.

11 March, 2009 20:41  
Blogger Debbie said...

That is so funny. Makes you wonder just how retarded some of these people are, or how retarded they think you could be. Emailing with these people is one thing, but giving them your phone number is quite another. Too scary for me.

Debbie Hamilton
Right Truth</a

11 March, 2009 20:58  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dang. I was hoping to buy a copy of your "Madison's Who's Who" for my genealogy collection.


12 March, 2009 19:57  

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