Bad Skunk II: Unexpected Update

Bad Skunk. But getting better, badly. Sorta.

It seemed to me that after a couple weeks of ringing my phone and not leaving a message for the International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute -- *snort* -- I'd finally rid myself of Madison's Who's Who. They'd finally figured it all out.

*Buzzer* Wrong.

Wednesday morning, February 21...at about 6:48am, my phone rang; I ignored it. No message left. Again at 7:05am; same refrain. When it happened again at 7:15am, I was where I could see caller ID: NYC calling.

WTF?

Then another call at 7:30am. Having pondered the options here, I chose the worse one and I answered the phone. Bad skunk. Baaaaaaad skunk.

Here's the gist of the call:

MWW: (I didn't catch his name): I'm uh...I'm trying to reach *me*...

Me: Congratulations; you have. Tell me, do you people ever receive training in using the second half of a voice mail system?

MWW: Excuse me?

Me: You're excused, and the question stands. Do you ever leave messages when the option presents itself?

MWW: Uh, Mr. *me*, I'm just trying to follow up on our conversations with you a couple weeks ago...

Me: You might have more success if you complete that other half of the training. However, now we're talking mano a you-o....what can I do for you?

MWW: Well, we never got an answer from you regarding a membership and publication in our upcoming edition...

Me: *easing off on the bad skunk a tad...sorta* You are kidding me, right?

MWW: What do you mean?

Me: Fella...even if my initial response to you wasn't a clear and concise clue, my follow up conversation with the lady who called here should have been. I mean...the International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute? That doesn't set off all kinds of flags and "whoa Nellies" with you?

MWW: *first sign of a tad perturbed*...Sir, just what are you talking about?

Me: Process this with me, fella: the International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute. Training crustaceans. Puh-lease...doesn't that sound hokey enough to make a point?

MWW: *second sign of a tad perturbed*..Sir, now just how are we supposed to know that?

Me: Tell me...in the initial application, you claim to do a lot of research into the candidates you choose. What research went into me, my so-called "professional" credentials and my "executive experience"? And did you folks bother to check out my education? My so-called "masters" in "progressive crustaceanology" from the Harvard Business School? A phone call would have cleared that up quicker than duck diarreha.

MWW: Sir, I am calling to get your commitment to a membership; I don't work on the research end..

Me: That much is obvious, so let me help you with the rest...you're not going to get a commitment. Since you folks don't seem to get the obvious.. *time to quit being the baaaaad skunk*.. I'm not buying a membership.

MWW: Why not?

Me: Duh...because when I received your application, I thought you were just another scam or phishing email. So I was yanking your chain, just like I do the many Nigerian email scammers I hear from. There is no International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute; and if any of you would make a call to "Hah-vahd", you'd find there's no masters degree in progressive crustaceanology.

MWW: Uh, what is it you're telling me...*first sign of realization*...that you're just making all this up?

Me: Bingo, pay the gentleman in the red dress! It's a faux company I use to screw with email scammers. It doesn't exist. In reality, I am a nobody who couldn't get listed in the Nobody's Almanac, let alone in the business or professional world. I have a small time job and write humor on a blog. I am beyond the bottom of the "movers and shakers" food chain.

MWW: *he actually laughs*...well, I'll be....I have to admit, your situation did kind of sound rather odd.

Me: "Rather odd"? You folks shoulda figured it out after the lady interviewed me. Pardon me for being a bit astonished and amused that you're only now getting it.

MWW: Well sir, we do get some rather interesting and unusual listings that aren't faked, but *laughs again* I have to tell you that you are probably the funniest phone call I'll have this week.

Me: Well, it's my pleasure to entertain you so early in the day...but no membership here. I'm as professional as a pull chain on a toilet.

MWW: *laughs again* Okay, I get your point. Thanks for the explanation and the laughs.

*end of call*

Now MAYBE....just MAYBE...I'm finally done with Madison's Who's Who. Having said that....who's next?

That answer comes in a reprise of my ultimate scambait classic from 2007: Live LapAid!