Monday, May 12, 2008

Dear Skunky -- XI


Yeah, I know: it's May. But I still have a couple 'April Stupids' left over from one of the absolutely dumbest collections of scammers I've had in a group.
This one is Kabo Uago (kabo_uago1951@yahoo.com) and his bankers at (allegedly) Bank of Africa (www_bank_of_afr@excite.com). After the usual preliminaries, 'Kabowwow' (as I called him) sent me one of those 'applications' to fill out to the bank for to claim to be next of kin to some imagined dead guy with a fortune that doesn't really exist. Of course, the 'bank' is going to carefully examine my application request and information, and "get back to me".
Righhhht.
Anyway, here's the key text of the application I was supposed to send to the BOA yahoos:
ATTN ALAHAJI BELLO A DIAWA
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DIRECTOR
BANK OF AFRICA
BURKINA FASO, WEST AFRICA
Sir,

I_______________________ from _________________________ APPLY TO YOUR BANK AS NEXT OF KIN TO YOUR DECEASED CUSTOMER MR. ANDREAS SCHRANNER FROM GERMANY, HOLDER OF ACCOUNT (BOA4934109) PUTTING CLAIM OVER HIS BALANCE WITH YOUR BANK VALUED AT US$13.5 MILLION US DOLLARS ONLY. with your esteemed bank which belong to my business partner/associate MR ANDREAS SCHRANNER FROM GERMANY who was your customer. Late MR ANDREAS SCHRANNER FROM GERMANY died in a plane crash in 2002 with his entire family but resided in Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso and owned: STE SCHRANNER & BROTHERS SARL IMPORT AND EXPORT COMPANY, Ouagadougou Burkina-faso and I am his next of kin. Could you please transfer these funds directly into my nominated account receiving bank account number __________________ with BANK DETAILS:
(it goes on to ask for my name, age, occupation, account #, and name of my bank).
It then concludes with Please, acept this late application as it was due to logistic problems occasioned as a result of his death , I solemly promise to abide by all your transactional rules and regulations I shall appreciate your prompt attention to this request. Yours faithfully, yada yada yada...
I love these applications. Especially when dealing with particularly STUPID scammers, who are just going through motions that they think impress their intended victims, and really don't read what you send back to them. They only care that you respond at all, which they take as their baited hook is swallowed.
The failure to closely read what I sent back would catch up to them about a week later, but it sure had me laughing my butt off in the meantime:
Sir,

I Mr. Jerome "Curly" Howard from the United States of America, being of warped mind and withering remainder, APPLY TO YOUR BANK AS NEXT OF DECEASED KIN TO YOUR DISINTEGRATED CUSTOMER MR ANDREAS SCHREDDED FROM GERMANY, FAUXHOLDER OF ACCOUNT (BOA4377RENO911) PUTTING CLAMS ALL OVER HIS BALANCE WITH YOUR BANK WHICH WILL START TO SMELL SOON IF IT ISN'T REFRIGERATED, AND WILL UP TO THEN BE VALUED AT $13.5 MILLION US OF AL GORE CARBON CREDIT OFFSETS, WORTH A USED ROLL OF TOILET PAPER FOR THOSE WHO ARE FAMILIAR WITH THE CONCEPT. Your esteemed bank of dubious antecedence doesn't really hold the accounts of my scattered-about-Burkina Fatso deceased partner, but it works for the purposes of this effort to give me the business. The late and getting later by the day MR ANDREAS SCHREDDED FROM LIECHTENSTEIN died in a merekat mosh pit along with the last virgin your country has seen since 1910, while residing in a totally unpronouncible town in Burkina-Fatso, and owned a faux business called STE SCHREDDED & ASSORTED BITS AND PIECES IMPORT AND EXPORT OF USED DILDOS Ltd, same unpronouncible town, and I am his deteriorating next of kin.
Could you please transfer these funds by folding them lengthwise and shoving them up your ass sideways, as an indirect route to my nominated account number (4321-0007007) with BANK DETAILS:
NAME: JEROME "CURLY" HOWARD
AGE: 48 AND MOLDING
YOUR OCCUPATION: CORPSE
YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER: HELLO, STUPID, I JUST GAVE YOU THAT UP YONDER
YOUR BANK NAME: FIRST ASTRAL SAVINGS AND LOADACOMPOST
Please accept this late application, though being late fits into the general overall idiocy of this entire proceeding, and understand the logistical problems of carrying on business when deader than a junkyard commode.
I will appreciate your prompt attention and not-too-careful-perusal of this crapfest.

Yours faithfully,
Curly
One of these days, some of these nose-boners are going to actually READ what is sent back, and maybe even call me on it. But not good ol' Kabowwow, nor his bank:
Dear Brother, I have gone through the application and everything is ok (ROFLMAO).So go ahead and send it by fax or eamil to the bank (he really didn't read crap, 'cuz I sent it to the bank the same time I sent it to him for his "approval"). Plese remeber what we discuss at earlier stage of transaction that you will take care of the little expense that will be in volved which i think will not be up to .01 of the fund (actually, it exceeds the reality of the fund by 12,500 percent, but eh..). Keep me advice soonest of progress.
Two days later, the bank sent me a notice that "the bank approval directors have examined your application and approve your request in full as bona fide next of kind to deceased". That's when they got around to informing me that the fees needed to consummate their giving me the business would be $12,500.
And shortly after that, they received the deer butt door bell Euro as payment for fees. Which neither appreciated, apparently, as I heard nothing more from them. But had they actually read the application, me thinks they might have evolved a clue and spared themselves being mooned by a deer butt with a doorbell in the middle of it, posted on a bogus Euro.
Ya really gotta wonder about the folks that get taken by these critters.
At any rate, that's the Stupids of April Scammers. Ya gotta love 'em. Dear Skunky may really have to consider an end of year awards ceremony for this cadre.

10 Comments:

Blogger Little Lamb said...

I'm sure they find you very amusing.

12 May, 2008 05:53  
Blogger Jack K. said...

You do have a way with words. Too bad they don't take the time to read them.

Thanks for letting the rest of us in on the joke.

When will they ever learn?
NEVER!!

ROTFLMAO

12 May, 2008 07:47  
Blogger ANNA-LYS said...

he he looking forward to serious May ;-))

12 May, 2008 14:25  
Blogger Serena Joy said...

I'm so jealous. You get all the fun spam. All I get are the offers for Viagra and Cialis and enlargement products.:-)

12 May, 2008 20:55  
Blogger Herb said...

I would love to see an end-of-year awards ceremony plus your own personal hall of fame.

14 May, 2008 05:41  
Blogger Jack K. said...

I agree with Herb. That would be a ceremony to pay attention to.

14 May, 2008 07:47  
Blogger Debbie said...

Ever noticed how many of the spammers have Muslim/Arab names??? Just asking. Coincidence?

Debbie Hamilton
Right Truth

14 May, 2008 08:20  
Anonymous Stormwarning said...

I assume (as dangerous as that may be) that you've heard of Nigerian Scams?

17 May, 2008 21:19  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

SW: noooo..really? Nigerians scam?

;)

Check the archives...

18 May, 2008 03:21  
Anonymous P.Orban said...

Burkina Faso is the most fat place for scamers.The pops of Refugiats Camps are working hard near other scamers for collect funds for themself.Also they never want to close this Camps.

04 May, 2014 02:49  

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