Anatomy of a Piss-off II

Upon receiving my upped 35% withholding fee, the tone of Kelley Ko's emails took a distinct turn to the chilled:

"I am waiting for the wiring information of the company's balance. You will not withhold additional funds beyond what was agreed. If we do not get the company balance within 24 hours, we will take LEGAL ACTION AGAINST YOU".

I guess he wanted that to stick. So I responded as you might expect: I didn't. On Friday, June 8, comes this from the Ko-ster:

"I want you to realise this is business and no joke. The company is in very URGENT need of our funds which you are holding back. We offered you this job because we were of the impression you will be an honest representative for us. I am insisting that you hold to our original agreement and send the company balance immediately as we will brook no further delay (rather eloquent, ain't he?). I plead with you to be reasonable in your own interest."

So I decide to show him some reason, Oddball (from Kelly's Heroes) style:

Kelley:

Now there you go again...more negative waves. Have a little faith, baby...have a little faith. Now go on, get back down in your hole. Kelley, making threats you can't follow through on is foolish. It really is. You need to 'go widda flow', just like ol' Oddball I quoted there. Since you made an empty threat, I am going to up my withholding to 40%.

That drew a same-day retort:

"Uranus, I really do NOT appreciate the games you play here. I have warned you before. The company will go to ANY LENGTH TO SECURE ITS FUNDS. YOU HAVE 24HRS TO WIRE THE COMPANY'S BALANCE. YOU GOT IT?"

Ooooooooooooooooooh. Da poor puddy tat get mad. So let's make him madder:

Kelley:

Now I'm up to withholding 50%. You keep threatening, I'll keep upping.

On Saturday, June 9, comes this salvo:

URANUS, WHERE IS THE COMPANY BALANCE? YOU SHOULD ACT RESPONSIBLE AND KEEP TO YOUR JOB. THE COMPANY WILL GO TO ANY LENGTH TO SECURE OUR FUNDS. YOU WILL REGRET THIS.

Ooooooooooooooooooooh. Da poor puddy tat's madder. So let's throw somemore Oddball philosophy his way:

Kelley: WHY DON'T YOU KNOCK IT OFF WITH THOSE NEGATIVE WAVES! Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?

So, "the company will go to any length to secure it's funds", eh? Whaddaya mean there, Kelley? Whatcha gonna do, Kelley? Hmmmm? Youse gonna come ta Houston, eh? Youse gonna bring soma da boyz in da hood, an' make widda badda boom badda bing, Kelley? Fuggetaboutdit! Youse don' know da town like I does, youse mug. But youse play ball wid me heah, an' mebbe I cut you in onna piece of th' action heah, y'know wadda mean, phinoke? In da meantime, I'm gonna keep 60% of da poke heah, Kelley. Ah'm gonna learn ya, Kelley, ya don' git nowhere makin' idle threats, putz.

Comes Monday, June 11, and Mr. Ko has gone from threats to something akin to grovelling:

"Dear Uranus: I beg you in the Name of whatever you believe to understand the plight of the company at the moment. This delay you are causing us is terribly affecting the operations. PLEASE wire the company's balance as agreed. We never expected this from you...and there are much more outstanding payments pending for you to take care of *TOING*. All can be forgiven but you must wire the funds immediately."

On Tuesday, June 12, he followed up with this further grovel:

"Uranus: Please keep the percentage you want and wire the company balance for the sake of peace. We are in urgent need of these funds. I never expected this from you. This behaviour of yours is extremely UNFAIR."

*TOING*...I'm being *UNFAIR*? Okay...so I am, in his realm. Therefore, I decide to let him think he hit a resonant chord with me there:

Kelley: a good friend of mine discussed with me this situation, and to my surprise, she sided with you. She says I am being most immature and unfair to you, and if my word is my buns, I should make good to you.

Since her opinion is one I have always respected until now, I have decided to adhere to our original agreement. I will withhold only 10%, and I will send the respective balance to the two designated company recipients you had specified earlier. I will do this on Thursday, June 14.

I do not expect you to retain my services in view of how I behaved; I am rather impulsive sometimes. But I am okay with you firing me. So...I will email you when the transaction is complete.

Next up, Anatomy of a Piss-off III.