Scamming with Integrity -- V

Besides not believing that Bannister David Jackson -- uncopyrighted sex video trainee of Michael Jackson -- would persist this long, I am really astonished at the apparent level of esteem he holds me at.

Get a load (with emphasis on 'load') of this email, as the Bannister tries to convince me not to abandon him at wits' end:

"My Dear U. R.,

I am realy stressed and fraustrated and mostly confused i don't know what to say anymore i think.

I need you to reason with me, if I can appel to your humanity. i am out of time and possibiltes, my new Korean partner is greedy and demands so much from me i cannot use him like i was certain i could use you (a freudian slip?).

To better cort your help i even offer to sell off my car which apraising lady say will collect $1,500. This leaves you only to provide the last $880 to complete the money we needed for the final document that completes it for us.

Please understand with me as you are the only messiah now".

*TOING* Fancy that: me, a "messiah".

If that's true, then the Second Coming came in '57, and boy is Pat Robertson gonna be plenty disappointed. Fortunately for me, God -- or at least the one I believe in -- has a sense of humor that spares the spot I now sit in a humongous lightning crater; it probably doesn't hurt that I put a label on my chair that says "1 Iron", since any golfer knows that neither they nor God can hit one.

With such esteem being placed upon me by the wayward Bannister, I guess it's time to give back a little of what he offers me...nyuk nyuk:

Bannister:

For His sake, don't call me a "messiah"; the local Hare Krishna sect go nuts when they hear that term, expecting as they are the Second Coming/Breathing Hard any day now.

Bannister, you are to be commended for your persistence and stick-to-itiveness. What's more, I think it's time your persistence be rewarded. Since you sold your car, proving to me how desperate you are to give me the business, I am going to let you succeed in some measure, by going ahead and getting you out of my hair by sending you the last $880.

I believe in a previous email you asked me to send it via Western Union to a Nelson Niyi, Lagos Nigeria; for the test question you wanted me to use "When?", and for the test answer you wanted "Today". So shall it be. I shall Western Union you the money tomorrow (Thursday).

This should square us now.

U. R.

The Bannister's glee is obvious:

"My good U. R. Phulovit,

You are my messiah with your message and my strees is muchly less by your promise. I thank you for you humanity and seeing things to my way i promised you a bonus after the moneys are all transfered, and you shall have it. Blees you, my savior".

Gag me with a front-end loader.

So after sending him another of those text-book faux Western Union receipts, I receive this:

"U. R.,

i receive this late in the day, so i will pick it up at the Westren Unon tomorrow. i thank you again and promise you not to forget you for this".

Yeppers...I'm sure he won't forget me, once he visits the WU with that receipt. Or in this case, his "secretary", as the email headed "What Have You Done?" suggests:

"Phulovit, my secretary has returned from Westren Union most unhappy. he says you didn't send money you send receipt with wrong MTCN (money transmittal control number) and officials there made fun of and insutled my secretary for this.

Why you do this to me? Why?

You must clear this off now".

Still, Bannister David Jackson -- illegitimate felching hamster of Michael Jackson -- doesn't get it.

But I'll try to help him get it with my reply:

Bannister,

Nope. You got what you're gonna git. There's no 'Paris out of jail in three days free card' here (and it didn't work for her, either). That WU receipt is every bit as good as the business you've been trying to give me. Deal with it. No more powers of aturkey. No more seeing reason with an out-and-out scam. You have wasted more than a month of your time trying to play me for a mugu, only to wear the mantle of 'Mugu Emeritus' yourself.

But if you think it'd help, I have a $14,500 Euro bill with a deer butt door bell here I could send you. Print it off on a good quality color copier and cash it at your bank. Bet they'd provide you with free room and board at the local "full of dead flies" jail.

As the Italians say, my good-but-not Bannister....Olivewarts.

And thus came down the curtain...FINALLY...on Scamming with Integrity. No more emails pronouncing me "the messiah".

Which helped to clear the Jehovah Witlesses from my front door area...