Monday, November 2, 2009

Scamming with Integrity -- II



Deluded scammer, cave in. Better still receive now, with thanks, that which you so fervently asked me for.

Bannister David Jackson -- perhaps an illegitimate child playmate of Michael Jackson -- begged of me to give him a 'power of attorney' so that he could use the documents placed in the name of U. R. Phulovit, on some other poor, unsuspecting sot.

Since I can't save the world from itself, let alone me from me, what the hell.

So I went to my good friends at a law orifice that I occasionally float product ideas for Bonco by; and for the simple legal fee of taking them to dinner at Hooters, I had me a legal document of dubious value, ready to provide succor to Bannister Jackson:

The Law Orifices of Lipshiz, Hawgwarsh, Gorkus and Hork, PCCL

"Need a hand? Go see a surgeon; we do law stuff!"
POWER OF ATURKEY
REALLOCATION OF PLAUSIBLE DENIABLE INDEMINIFICATION HELD HARMLESS
Be it hereby stated and declaratorized:
Whereas and heretofore it was declared pro sonny bono que statum hittum tree midde ouch that the party of the first part, U. R. Phulovit, of the city of Houston, of the county of Hairless, of the state of Texas, of the country of the United States of America, had been theretofore and thereupon designated by the party of the second part, Bannister David Jacks'em, herewithin and hereafter referenced as party of the second part, as the official and recognized next of kin to party of the third part, referenced herein as Steven Moore, deceased, hereafter and herein referenced throughout as party of the third part.
Whereupon this declaration by respective parties of the first three parts, less active enunciation of agreement by dead-as-a-can-of-corned-beef party of the third part, had been affirmed in documentation of dubious antecedence and provided to party of the first part by party of the second part. Which, thereafter, was intended for furtherance of forwardance by the party of the first part to the party of the fourth part, Mr. Jim-John Ovaries, of the WEMA Bank of Nigeria, with a branch possibly in Newark, for the purposes of officializing the giving of the business by parties of the second and fourth parts, to the party of the first part, all without the express knowledge of the party of the third part, who's still dead and the aforementioned can of corned beef.

Howsomever, like sands through the hourglass, so goes the scams of our lives, and with said passage, change is inevitable except when credit is used. Thus, it has been mutually agreed to by the parties of the first, second and fourth parts, with the party of the third part abstaining in corspeful repose, that a furtherance of the efforts of the parties of the second and fourth parts to give the business to the party of the first part, will be terminated henceforth, and without prejudice or excess flatulence. The party of the third part retains mortal ambivalence heretofore and therehence.

So as to clarify this hyar, it is agreed by party of the first part to declare herein that the party of the first part does intend and initiate, by this document, this declaration of POWER OF ATURKEY to the party of the second and fourth parts, allowing thereby for parties of the second and fourth parts to proceed with seeking the active substitution of the party of the first part, by an as-yet unnamed party of the fifth part, to represent as next of kin the party of the third part, who retains all legal rights to ambivalent deathdom.

Therefore, it is declared that the original documents bearing the name of the party of the first part as legal next of kin to the ambivalently-indifferent-through-death party of the third part, are now rendered NON COITUS ERECTUS DEFLATUS SANS VIAGRA, and have no more legal tender than used toilet paper, in so far as the party of the first part's involvement in this business-giving effort is concerned. This provides for re-use of the documents by the parties of the second and fourth parts, with an as-yet unnamed party of the fifth part, once the respective parties of the second and fourth parts have found someone dumb enough to sign on.

Parties of the second and fourth parts are also free and clear to proceed with alternative usage of the multiply-referenced documents herein, by shoving them up their respective anal orifices, with expedience.
FILED THIS DATE, 21 MAY 2007, WITH DESIGNATED COURT REGISTRAR, COURT PLACE BAR AND GRILLE, MUNICIPALITY OF HOUSTON, COUNTY OF HAIRLESS, STATE OF TEXAS, COUNTRY OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, LESS DEALER PREP AND OPTIONS. YOUR ACTUAL RESULTS AND MILEAGE MAY VARY. NOT AVAILABLE IN ALL PRINCIPALITIES WHERE THE CLAPPER IS SOLD. SEE DISCLAIMER* FOR MORE DETAILS.
* Disclaimer: this document is guaranteed to have been prepared 100% dolphin-free, and has a registered carbon footprint on the global warming scale of .0000000000000000001, as measured by the AlGore Inconvenient Scam Committee; Laurie David, chairbroad.

Believe it or not, Bannister Jackson sent me a quick "thank you" note after I sent him the above.
That lasted about a day, or until he got around to reading it, or having it read. Then I got this from Bannister Jackson:
Email Header: F*** YOU ASSHOLE!
He didn't bother with any follow-up text; I don't get the impression he felt he had to.
I would agree.
Think any more email scammers will ask me for a power of aturkey anytime soon? Nawp...me neither.
Think this is the end of this scammer? *Buzzzzzzzzzzer*...

10 Comments:

Blogger Miss Cellania said...

Heehee! I'm sure it took an entire day for him to translate what you wrote into English!

30 May, 2007 09:12  
Blogger Herb said...

So I'm laughing out loud and trying to explain to my wife what it is you do when I get to the e-mail from Bannister Jackson. He is a very rude and ungrateful boy. And here you were, trying to give him the business just like he asked.

31 May, 2007 05:47  
Blogger Karen said...

I was quietly laughing/giggling to myself until I got to the: NON COITUS ERECTUS DEFLATUS SANS VIAGRA and then I laughed so hard, I may have done injury to some of my internal organs. However, I'm happy to say, I did not pee my pants.

Did anyone ever tell you that you'd make a great lawyer?

31 May, 2007 15:57  
Blogger Monica said...

My comment from yesterday about the puppie dog scammer is gone...but I'm NOT complaining. Instead I will just answer your own comment on mine: if you had ME in your disravelled life, it wouldn't be so disravelled...and Seymour and Jane would be home where they belong. :)

01 June, 2007 09:11  
Blogger Raggedy said...

Hahahahaha!
I really needed that laugh.
Thank you!
You are the BEST!
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

02 June, 2007 22:01  
Blogger The Dental Maven said...

I wonder how many times Bannister has been given power of aturkey by the unsuspecting.

02 November, 2009 05:54  
Blogger Herb said...

There's a song title that fits you, "Still crazy, after all these years." Now I'm wracking my brain trying to remember if there's more to the story.

02 November, 2009 07:58  
Blogger Debbie said...

You should leave your brain to science. Someone needs to understand how you do, what you do. It's a public service to us all....

Bwahahahaha

Deborah F. Hamilton
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

02 November, 2009 11:17  
Blogger Serena said...

LMAO!:-)

02 November, 2009 18:04  
Blogger Mayden' s Voyage said...

You are a good skunk :)

02 November, 2009 22:05  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home