Friday, February 24, 2006

The Artful Scamster Part V

As heretofore noted, the artful scamster, Daniel Djuric, had indicated that his first client had sent money order #1 via USPS, and he (so far) believes Jacques Meehoff when Jacques says he's received it; and client #2 had sent the second money order (in five parts) via Fedex, (*sound of screeching tires*) when it absolutely positively has to get there overnight.

Which it didn't, but that's part of the fun: him believing it did.

The next step in the farce is Daniel's updated email on the Fedex shipment:

Just tracked the package containing the payment and found that an attempt at delivery has been made but you weren't home to receive it.Kindly call fedex on this number (1.800.247.4747) to know when the next attempt to deliver will be made today or better still you will have to get to the local fedex office around you to pick up the package yourself.If you intend waiting for the second attempt today, there is a need for you to leave a signed note on your door for the courier deliverman instructing him to drop the package for you.Send me an email as soon as you get the package because i will be on the lookout for your email.Have a good day and hope to read from yoy soon.

"An attempt at delivery has been made but you weren't home to receive it". Hoooooooo. An attempt to deliver. By Fedex. To 69 Yankpud Way in Clodumbia, SC. He even gave me a tracking number for the package (856471124020)!

Y'don suppose that there really is such an address, do you? In Clodumbia, SC?


This guy is fast becoming my favorite scamster. And I thought Mary/Grace Kobe was a dolt.

At any rate, after he recomposed hisself, Jacques replies:

Daniel: I genuinely do hate when this happens; I step out to the outhouse for a few of 'those' moments, and a delivery comes right then, dagnabbit. I will go to Fedex to pick it up; it'll be easier that way.

I also forgot that today was a bankers' holiday (Presidents' Day), so can't cash either money order until Tuesday. I'll be in touch with details.

Ever-efficient Daniel is right back at me:

OK, I will be waiting to hear from you as soon as you pick up the package at local fedex office and I will be expecting also the transfer details of the first transaction tomorrow.Have a great day (bwhahahaha) and hope to read from you soon.

In da woids of Bugs Bunny, "what a gullibull...what a nincowpoop". Can this guy really be worse than I'm supposed to be?

Now it's Tuesday morning, and it's time for the next 'tweak' of my eagerly gullible employer/scamster:

Daniel: And a right fine day to you, too.

You will be happy to know it's Tuesday, and the banks are open! You'll be happier to know that I, first thing, cashed the first money order from client #1!

And in the spirit of our being honourable men and all, I am sure that you'll approve of what follows. My girlfriend -- my soon-to-be 7th ex-wife, Sharon Fallatio -- works at the bank where I help you do your business to me. She's many things, including a cynical bi..wench. But she suggested, and I reluctantly agreed (I know how you are about contractual obligations and such), that I do the following:

1) cash the money order
2) deposit the money order
3) wait for the bank to verify the authenticity of the money order
4) once the bank has done so, deduct my agreed-to 30% fee (TOING) and send you the balance. Or rather send the balance to your designated representative.

I will do the same with the five-part money order when I collect it, later this morning.

It's not that I don't trust you, my good employer; you have proclaimed your honourable status, and I have reason enough to accept this in the manure it's probably intended that I accept it. And in keeping with that between honourable men, it is this that my points out: just how honourable is your purchasing client? Hmmm?

So I'll have the bank hold the money order cash until they are verified, and then I will moneygram your representative the balance, less my fees and flexible expenses. Which, of course, won't be deducted until verification is complete.

I am confident of your approval, as I have been confident of your honourable transparency right along. I know lots of folks who wish they could have a boss like you.

I'll keep you apprised of the progress. the way, Sharon says she wants one of your exquisite and unique artworks for her collection. do you have anything that suggests sexual exploitation of a badger?

With that, I think Daniel's getting confused:

I really dont understand you anymore but I just want to know if you have pick up the package at the local fedex office.I will want you to keep checking your account if the funds are available for withdrawal and I will be waiting to hear from you soon.

One last 'tweak' before Jacques settles down to test Daniel's patience:

Daniel: worry not, all is well among honourable me. I have the Fedex package. All the money orders are cashed and deposited in my soon-to-be 7th ex-wife's bank.

Now we wait. Once the bank verifies the authenticity of the money orders, I will deduct my 40% (TOING) agreed-to fee and send your representative the balance, via Walmart moneygram.

Up next and quite possibly the grand finale: Part VI -- What The Apprentice and Jacques Meehoff Come To Have In Common...


Blogger Monica said...

Hmmm, you gonna share that 40% and take us out to dinner somewhere? Karen and I will even let you fly us in for it and everything. :)

24 February, 2006 12:31  
Blogger Karen said...

40% huh? I've just spoken with Monica and we'll be awaiting our plane tickets LOL

24 February, 2006 15:04  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

Uh oh...wait 'til they read VI and see the percent went... ;)

24 February, 2006 21:17  

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