Monday, February 13, 2006

The Artful Scamster Part I


Art. Depending on your definition of it, it's either easily recognized, or an acquired taste; an example of the former would likely be something by Picaso, Rembrandt or Ming Dynasty pottery. An example of the latter would clearly be the 'Christ on a crucifix submerged in urine' piece of crap that was passed off by progressives as 'art' in the 1990s. Definitely an acquired taste by those without any (taste). These same folks are demanding understanding at Muslim outrage over some cartoons about their prophet Mohammad.

Typical 'progressive' think-dysfunction, but I digress.

At any rate, one persons' art is another persons' gar(b)age sale item. Van Gogh was an artist; Robert Maplethorpe is more a tabloid trash purveyor, the Larry Flynt of fauxart. One spectacular flop of a 20th Century artist wannabe would be Adolph Hitler. To the end of his miserable life, he fancied himself an artist. History might tend to agree that he was an architect alright, but with a far different legacy than that of a Rembrandt.

But ol' Dolph appreciated the art of scamming, no doubt.

Which brings me to the latest scammer I -- or one of my many guises -- engaged in verbal repartee. This particular scam didn't last long, but it was a new angle I hadn't been approached with up to now. Witness the following introduction from Daniel Djuric, alleged artisan and entremanure:

FROM THE DESK OF DANIEL DJURIC, DIRECTOR OF CREDIT CONTROL UNIT, DDUJURIC ARTS WORK INC., UK

Attention: YOUR ASSISTANCE IS NEEDED IN ACTUALIZING THIS GOAL

Let me start by introducing myself to you, I am (see his intro above). I saw your contact during my private search in the Internet (in the Internet?) and I want to believe that you will be very honest, committed (many argue I should be) and capable of assisting in this business venture.

Let me explain. I am an artist by proffesion,I have been into artwork (the artwork of scamming) since I was 12 years old as a child (I don't want to ask whatelse he'd of been at 12, do you?) I have 28 years experience (proffesional 20 years). I majored in art in high school and took a few college art courses. Most of my work is done in either pencil or airbrush mixed with color pencils.

I have been smelling my artwork (that HAS to be a Freudian typo) for the last 3 years and have had my work featured on trading cards, prints and in magazines.I have sold in galleries and also to private collectors from all around the world (any of you have an original Djuric?).

I am always facing serious difficulties when it comes to selling my art works to Americans (yup...they hate getting taken, dagnabbit). They always offer to pay with US money order, which is difficult for me to cash here in UK because it takes 30 days to clear which invariably fixes the money until it is available for withdrawal. I am looking for a representative in the US who will be working for me part-time (and being taken one time) someone who would help me recieve payments from my American customers.

I will pay 10% for every transaction of payment made, which wouldn't affect your present state of work (only winning Powerball or dying would do that...) I mean someone that is responsible and reliable, because the cost of coming to US and getting payments is expensive.

I need you to be my representative, who will handle payments that will come in your name, so all you need to do is cash the money order, deduct your percent, and wire the rest to me.

The only problem I have is trust but I have my way of getting anyone that gets away with our money, i mean the FBI branch in Washington gets involved ( J. Edgar puts down the feather boa and gits on the trail of them scalliwags alright) It wouldn't cost you any amount, you are to recieve payments whill be sent to you by fedex or usps from my business partners, which would come in form of a money order then you are to cashi it and send the cash to me via Western Union (TOING).

If this proposal satifies you , please reach me immediately for more clarification about how this will be done.

Yours faithfully,

Daniel Djuric

Sounds pretty straightforward, don' it? Save for the fact that I'm a firm believer in the adage, "if it seems too good to be true...".

But what's to be lost in replying? Certainly my guise for this one saw it in that light:

Daniel: I love art! Like you, I am an aspiring artist, though I specialize in con of a photographic type of art. I would be happy to show you mine, if you show me yours (minds out of the gutter). For now, I find your proposal intriguing, in that it is artfully proposed, designed and conceived, no doubt to give me the maximum business possible.

I want to hear more.

When you're ready, send me details of your plan, and I'll share with you our mutual appreciation of the various and sundry arts involved herein.

Jacques Meehoff

In his reply, Djuric sent me the alleged-to-be-his example of his artwork (pictured above). Picturesque, no?

At least it isn't submerged in urine.

He also sent me, believe it or not, an employment application form. No kidding.

Next Up: The Application And The 'Interview'

4 Comments:

Blogger Herb said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

14 February, 2006 04:19  
Blogger Karen said...

Is it scratch 'n sniff artwork, perhaps? LOL

I can't wait to see what you showed him (you know, art-wise)

Happy Valentine's Day :-)

14 February, 2006 07:50  
Blogger Jona said...

Lol, can't wait to hear how much he expects to earn from his art ;o)

14 February, 2006 10:33  
Blogger Monica said...

oh, I love that Seymour did that for Jane...now THAT is TRUE LOVE.

14 February, 2006 12:47  

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