Seymour PetRock, Atturkey Outlawed

Night Court has been off the air a long time now.

It was funny while it lasted.

No doubt it lives on in Syndication Land.

And now it lives on in Scam Land too.

I get some really weird emails.  How they come to my assorted (aka, sordid) email addresses isn't always apparent to me.  Not even an aunt or uncle.

Nonetheless, by accident or design, they find me.

This one found me on an address I don't generally use to attract or bait email scammers.

• 
  
• On Tuesday, March 30, 2021, 09:24:08 AM MDT, Ahmad Alagouz (Student) 

  <ahmad2.alagouz@live.uwe.ac.uk> wrote:

  Hello Attorney,

  
  

  I was referred to you by the Bar Referral Services. Do advise if your firm specializes in Litigation cases.

  
  

  Regards.

  Ahmad Alagouz

    I immediately accused Seymour, my pet rock, of screwing around with the email while I was away.  Which drew a "Who, lil' ol' me?" look.
• Which was followed shortly thereafter by that all-too-familiar look of "let me answer, oh please oh please oh PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!"
• 
  
• Thus I bring you Seymour PetRock, Attorney at Law:
• 
  
• 
  

  Hello Prospective Client,

  
  

  First of all, thank you for communicating to me who referred you to me.  They win a cookie.

  My infirm specializes in many rather varietied and far-fetched things, which in today's world makes about as much sense as wearing a paper mask outside in a hurricane to protect against something that's fatal in a minute fractional percentage of cases.  But I digress.

  My practice is very specialized, and very narrowly-crafted to a rather specific set of parameters so as to maximize our effectiveness within a minute segment of legal jurisimprudence.  If you seek litigation within that narrowly-crafted, specific set of parameters for maximum effectiveness of outcome, we may just be what you're looking for.

  
  

  Or we may not.

  
  

  Tell me about the specificity of your needs.

  
  

  Seymour PetRock

I guess I shouldn't be amazed that his reply was good for the following:

who are you please?  Are you attorney?   

Seymour is so up for this...his even got his atturkey-sprechen on:

Allow me to assure you that I am, undeniably, that which I purport to be.  I am pleased as punch to make your adjudicational acquaintance in this manure.  How may my legal beaglese be of assistance to your obviously troubled and in-need-of-representation self?  I have operators standing around doing nothing for the pittance I pay them, so it's time to put them to work.

You have something litigious in need of being litigationized?  Do tell.

I think I reach you by mistook.  Please not respond more.

Mistook or not, I stand, sit or prone ever ready to be your legal salvation through thick and fatter.  Anything, any time, any place, my infirm will assist you, within the frameworks annotated heretofore in a previous respondence between party of the first and second parts (ie., you and me).  Kapish?

To Seymour's obvious regret, Ahmad Alagouz apparently grasped his error and chose a different course of legal remedy.  

Which is kinda too bad:  Element (my other and more bemused pet rock) kinda wanted to see Seymour on an episode of Law & Order: Special Outhouse Unit.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"