General Disorder Of The Milicontrary

Generally speaking, I don't get letters from generals commanding the armed forces of the United States.

Not real ones, anyway.

I do get plenty from those commanding internet cafes in Scamland.

Like this one, that thinks he can impress me with his title and command of the English of language:

Hello Greetings to you

This is James C. McConville Incumbent General Armed Forces United States of America. I’m texting you today due to the scam officials Email and text we have been receiving about you sending Money to Claiming to have funds or what so ever they are telling you about that makes you to send Money them without Confirmation from the president or the Forces here in United States even the worst part of this is that they are yawing FBI to scams As well but. Right now we the United States Army has Decided to put our hands on this to ensure no one sent Money to those frauds anymore and from today you are being Monitored if you ever try to do send anything without asking for Confirmation you will be put to Jail for two years after that you will come back to your right senses.

Apart from that we have Decided to Compensate you with the Sum of $2.5Million United States dollars.
And delivery and IRS document signing is very important will cost $50

And you are to keep this as secret to ensure you get your Money successful to you Ok

Your Faithfully,
Chief of Staff of the United States Army
Mr James C. McConville   

My pet rock, Seymour, sez that this genital couldn't command Alexa to fart.

I reminded Seymour that one need only ask Alexa to do that, and she'd readily comply, but we digress.

My other pet rock, Element, was dying to do another edit of a scammer email, and this one seemed ready-made for an elephant pet rock with an 'editing gone wild' streak embedded in her trunk:

From: Cheef of Staph of the U.S Army <anthonyedward334@yahoo.com>
Sent: Friday, May 7, 2021 12:00 PM
Subject: The Cheef Of Staph Plays With His Staph

 

At Ease

This is James C. McCONville, Incumbent Genital to the Armed Farces United State of Leftist Chaos. 

I’m having my disorderly texting you today due to the scam officials Email and text we have been receiving about you sending Money to Claiming to have funds or what so ever they are telling you about that.  This we is leaded to belief makes you to send Money them without Confirmation from the increasingly senile president or the Farces here in this countree.  Even the worst part of this is that they are yawing the long-discredited FBI to scams increasing their discredit.  That is as well but right this very text event we the US of A Army has Decided to put our boots in the muck and Meier to ensure no one sent Money to those frauds anymores.

I as incumbent Genital Cheef of Staph of the Armed Farces is here to tell youse dat you are being Monitored under new Marshal Dillion declarations and if you ever try to do send anything without asking for Confirmation you will be put to Jail for two years after that you will be drafted to the Transgender Corps until youse come back to your right senses.

Former First Lady Barack Obola sez we can do that.

 That aside, if you are gudt little order taker we may decide to constipate you with some expired Spam we have in a warehouse in the Pentagong.  Naturally you will have to come here to accept delivery, unless you can't come here to accept delivery, in which case you will need to send us $50 for delivery and IRS document signing which is very important according to the dead Idi Amin.

And you are to keep this as secret to ensure we get our $50.  Otherwise you get the two years and all that goes widdit to you Ok

AttennnnnSHUN!  DissssssMISSED!
Cheef of Staph of the US Army
Genital of the Army James C. McCONville   

Naturally, Element was disappointed that the 'general' what writ the original email didn't bother to comment on Element's enhancements.  I didn't bother to suggest to her that he most likely couldn't read it...