Only Online...

Even these two owls never figured that they'd figure into this post.

Neither did the originating scammer.

His intention was to sucker me into an online loan. His rather skimpy email was short and to the dishonest point:

Do you need a loan?. If yes reply us for more details. 1. Full Name: 2.Sex: 3.Age: 4.Phone: 5.Country: 6.Loan Amount needed: 7.Duration Period: 8.Monthly Income: 9.Occupation

Being the kind that I am -- y'all know what kind that is -- I couldn't just rewrite and send it, without coming up with an angle. And I found my angle, in a not much longer rewrite:

From: InFidelity Spouse Loan Service Pvt <web.office.5.6.9.9@att.net>

To:

Sent: Saturday, April 14, 2012 10:09 AM

Subject: Spousaloscopy

Single? Tired of it? Married? Boring, disinterested spouse? Do you need a spouse loan?.If yes reply us for more details. We arrange loans of spouses. All kinds of spouses. F**k, you want to see what it's like to be married to a manatee? A tree sloth? A wild boar? A badger...wait...if your wife's had PMS, you already know that one.

Any way, send us the following information for more on spouse loans:
1.Full Name:
2. If Married more than a year, Last Time You Had ANY Kind Of Sex:
3.Age:
4.Phone:
5.Country:

6. Type of Loan:
-Human Spouse-Primate
-Marsupial
-Aquatic Mammal
-Non-Aquatic Mammal
-Bovine
-Something Really F**king Exotic
7.Duration Period:
8.Monthly Income:
9.Occupation:

You contact us with your wants and needs, and we'll arrange the loan for your bone, or the weenie for your roast.

I didn't really expect a reply here, but I got one. One that seemed as confused as he/she/it seemed annoyed. One from a person claiming to be Andreas Davillas (a.davillas99@gmail.com):

First all, your email service provides you free email services you do not pay for email account. and you are not sure of what you want by the subject of your message. you must think that you is funny. who send you this email is a man of his own. do not speak evil of anyone you ***hole. if you receive a business proposal you do not like, simply delete and move ahead. Wtf is wong with you? By the way the computer you using is under control by the producer. You are damed. you would be wise to say offline.

I wasn't gonna reply to this. And if you believed that:

I'll take your email point by point. Yes, you're right. Yes, you're not. Yes, you're right. Who knows who sent this message originally; it might have been an alien from Uranus. You have funny way of 'speak no evil'. And I do all the time. Nothing the f**k is wrong with me. What the f**k is 'wong' with you? And I know who control this computer...my pet rock. I am man, not dame. Maybe I would be wise to say offline..."offline". There, I say it. You're right...I do feel wise.

I didn't get a reply, so I guess I answered whatever questions he/she/it had posed h'yar.

Meantime, whaddaya think? Think a spousal loan service that crosses speciological lines has a future?

Me neither.