Loans and Politics Make Weird Edits
Enough to make a monkey blush.
My latest received email offer to lend me money online, was only different in one respect from most of the recent offers to give me the business: it started out badly-writ, and rather stayed that way throughout.
Read it yourself, without any fixin' on my part:
This is Finance Candace, reputation, legal loan firm. we private loan money to individuals and companies who needs financial assistant. we give loan at 3% interest rate. We are use this medium to inform you that I assist beneficiary reliable as we will be happy to give you aloan.
Contact us by e-mail below for further details.
Contact Name: Aaron Smith
E-mail: df_holdings@yahoo.com.hk
You are required to apply with the following important details.
Full Name .....
Contact Email :.......
Country :.......
Phone number :.......
We look forward to allow us to be of service to you.
Sincerely,Dr Aaron Smith
Candace Finance
*TOING*
Okay, I just hadda 'monkey' with it a bit. And since the season of politics is in full farce, I added some frills and dressin' appropriate to the season:
From: Candace Finance <info@candanceloan.org>
To:
Sent: Monday, April 9, 2012 8:35 AM
Subject: We Are Dodos We Hope You Are Too
This is Finance Candace, reputation, legal loan firm.
We start all of our emails out like that: stupid, ill-written, and full of s**t. And we go downhill from here.
We loan primate genitals to individuals and companies who are in desperate need of therapy and/or being sodomized by a deranged ostrich. From the applications we get, we f**king laugh a helluva lot, too.
We give these primate genitilia loans at 39.5% interest rate compounded daily. F**kin' A right we do. We want our f**king money up front, before the dumber among you figure out what the f**k is going on here.
We are using this medium to attempt to f**k you over. It works well enough, thanks to liberal dumbed down education in the West.
With that, I wish to write the following abject nonsense: we will be happy to give you a primate genitilia loan for any and all occasions. We'll even throw in banana scented lubricant, so the genitilia don't get to feeling too out of place, regardless of what a pervert like you is doing with it. Which, of course, is none of our business, once we have your application fee in our hot little crooked hands.
Contact us by e-mail below for further details.
We start all of our emails out like that: stupid, ill-written, and full of s**t. And we go downhill from here.
We loan primate genitals to individuals and companies who are in desperate need of therapy and/or being sodomized by a deranged ostrich. From the applications we get, we f**king laugh a helluva lot, too.
We give these primate genitilia loans at 39.5% interest rate compounded daily. F**kin' A right we do. We want our f**king money up front, before the dumber among you figure out what the f**k is going on here.
We are using this medium to attempt to f**k you over. It works well enough, thanks to liberal dumbed down education in the West.
With that, I wish to write the following abject nonsense: we will be happy to give you a primate genitilia loan for any and all occasions. We'll even throw in banana scented lubricant, so the genitilia don't get to feeling too out of place, regardless of what a pervert like you is doing with it. Which, of course, is none of our business, once we have your application fee in our hot little crooked hands.
Contact us by e-mail below for further details.
Contact Name: Aaron "I Sodomize Sheep" Smith
E-mail: df_holdings@yahoo.com.hk
You are required to apply with the following important details.
Full Name .....
Contact Email :.......
Country :.......
Email :.......
Email :.......
Phone number :.......
Kind Of Genitilia Desired :.......
Length of Loan Of Same :.......
Loan/Purchase Option? :.......
Last Time You Were Sodomized By An Ostrich :.....
Kind Of Genitilia Desired :.......
Length of Loan Of Same :.......
Loan/Purchase Option? :.......
Last Time You Were Sodomized By An Ostrich :.....
PLEASE NOTE: You must be of a liberal philosophy, politically and educationally, for this to work. We get most of our satisfied customers from PETA, the ACLU, NOW, various teachers unions, and are enjoying a surge of Obama2012 Campaign members applying. We look forward to allow us to be of service to you.
Sincerely,
Dr Aaron "I Sodomize Goats, Too" Smith
Cantdance Finance
Feeling especially generous, I sent a copy of this to every email scammer currently in my address book, whilst generously copying each 'resend' to the recommended address of Candace Finance.
You don't suppose I'll be in line for some kind of referral fee, do you?
Me, neither.
Labels: Candace Finance, rewriting email scams for fun and annoyance
posted by Skunkfeathers at 00:39
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7 Comments:
sodomized by a deranged ostrich?>? Oh sheesh!! Now that is low for sure. Loved your rewrite. Ha
Hugs
SueAnn
Heck they aren't going to understand most of what you said. English isn't their first language. Just saying.
Have a terrific day. :)
I so adore the twisted turns your mind takes, and I would just LOVE to see the expression on the face of the guy who receives this.
Keep 'em coming, Skunk.
Ouch! Getting personal on this one for sure, ha.
Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com
NYUK!!!!!!
You are my hero haha Should of put *no animals were harmed in the making of this email *
These kind of post are always inspiring and I prefer to read quality content so I'm happy to find many good point here in the post. Writing is simply great! Thank you for the post.
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