A Lotto Like Kind Of None Other

Maybe it was the smoke from nearby wild fires. Or just my warped mind in the early hours of an off night, reading email scams.

But a rather bland email, announcing that I'd won 1 million Great British Pound sterlings, and requesting I respond with personal informations to "stake my clam", kinda left me a bit nonplussed.

For about one one-hundreth of a second.

A simple email begat a not-so-simple rewritten response to the originator, and 24 of his peers and colleagues:

From: C. ZANBERGEN elsenkees@home.nl
To:
Sent: Friday, March 23, 2012 8:18 PM
Subject: WINTER

It was the best of emails, it was the worst of emails. Thence in harpooth of thine own undivine pursuits of apogee and azimuth, Sir Cumference was ordained a knight of the Third Holy Monty Python Pituitary Glandular Society, and consecrated in cherry Jello with bacon bits and haggis, because they ran out of oyster dorks. Oyster dorks doth not a sodomy make, without extensions and additional implements of the dubious antecedence, but I digresseth.

Did you know that 4 out of 5 dentists do not give a sh** about what 4 out of 5 proctologists suggest when it comes to oral hygiene? Do you care that 4 out of 5 recipients of this response don't have one f**king clue what a proctologist is?

A meteor, traversing at a physics regulated speed of 17,500 mph -- monitored by cosmic forces with unusual appearance and strange bodily emissions -- will promote tooth decay in platypus on impact. Studies at the Outback Steak House tend to obfuscate the results, since platypus don't frequent this venue for detailed examination and menu inclusion.

Your Email Id has won a colon cleansing by a moray eel in the UK Unspeakable Acts LOTTERY for March 2012. Please to send your following informations soonest for the mostest fastest respond from our operators who are standing by, swatting flies and being eaten by army ants, in our fly-infested Nigerian internet cafe near a wildebeest run outside of Lagos:

1. Name 2. Address 3. Nationality 4. Age 5. Occupation 6. Phone/Fax 7. Last Time You Had Sex With A Lemur or Sock Puppet Resembling Something Close 8. If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? 9. If a constipated mathematician could work it out with a pencil, what would sequentially follow with beings from the planet Uranus? And lastly, 10. Ask not what you can do for your country; ask how many government programs you can rip off, and please list them for us of Occupy Outhouses And Nothing Else Useful.

Statistically speaking, Saul Alinsky sodomized sheep.

This has been a peculiar email, yes?

I reckon the recipients found it to be so. As yet, I haven't heard from any of them that they got anything from it. Other than a dead and frying-in-hell Saul Alinsky sodomizesing sheep. And at that, they may try to contact him for advice.