Not the 'Mystery' He Had In Mind

Yup. Got me another one of those Mystery Shopper job offers online.

Of course, I know it was directly targeted to me because it came with the typical 'undisclosed recipients' flourish in the "To" heading.

It was typical in every respect. Copied almost word for word from the last several of these I've received.

I tried to play the last two, but perhaps my reputation in Scamland is getting around; I got no response to my applications to be given the business.

So, with this particular opportunity, I decided to revamp the 'Mystery Shopper' into something a bit more of a mystery. At least for the scam originator.

And of course, I shared it with a couple dozen of his peers and colleagues.

In view of the recent flaps about gender, I decided that I couldn't go wrong by offending both males and females in this creative rewrite. It worked, at least in part, with the scammer, as you'll see shortly.

But first, what went back to the scammer and his odious minions:

From: Mystery Vagenis ® <gary@mystery-shopper.com>

To: 'Undisclosed Reptiles'

Sent: Tuesday, March 6, 2012 3:12 AM

Subject: We have a mystery
Dear Sir/Ma,

gary.tom@aol.com or gary@mystery-shopper.com are the ways to get this back to me.

We have a mystery in your area and we would like you to participate. Mystery Vagenis® is accepting applications for qualified investigators for solve this mystery. It's fun. I don't know about rewarding, but what the f**k, it's fun.

There is a charge to become a member of my program, but we'll get into that after I've f**ked you over. haha.

ABOUT ME

Mystery Vagenis® came to be one day when after a drunken binge in a combined karaoke bar/sex change clinic, I woke up to find that I had a vagenis: a vagina with a penis attached.

I have no idea how this happened, but I have to say, I can no longer get a date, and I really don't f**king need to, because I can f**k myself.

But I don't get sucked, because it's so repulsive to see. So I'm wondering: are there others like me?

And that is where you come in. I am recruiting investigators for Mystery Vagenis® to help me to learn (a) how this shit happened (b) how wide spread it is and (c) find others like me that I can establish a sexual rapport with.

My story has been kind of* told on ABC NEWS, NBC NEWS, in the L.A.TIMES, on MSNBC and online at Moron.Org and The Daily Kos. I've even been told that Nancy 'Bela' Pelosi and Barney Frank want in on this deal so they can control it in the new hellthscare law.

I am looking to negotiate with organizations -- see what I just did there? -- such as The Sex Gap, Vagmart, Pizza Slut, and Sex Organs Banks amongst many others who might pay for Mystery Vagenis® to attract their kind of business in their establishments and report their experiences.

I'll promise to pay you in some manure for what you find out. Mystery Vagenis® charges fees to their investigators. Training, tips for improvement, and opportunities are provided for a fee to registered investigators.

Mystery Vagenis investigators start by paying their own expenses, for which they are reimbursed in some manure later. Mystery Vagenis® has available for immediate assignment an inspection of the possible surgical facilities of any barlighting karaoke/sex change facility in your area.

You are to investigate secretly and keep good records of what you spend, for later reimbursement in some manure. During this investigation you will report on the location and make several observations as regards how shit goes down there. You will be required to interact with the operations staff. You may conduct the investigation as a single, or as the braver half of a bisexual couple looking to sodomize animals on the side.

The assignment will pay $230.00 in Saddam Hussein Iraqi dinars. Kindly Fill Out the application form below and we will get back to you shortly:

PERSONAL INFORMATION:

First Name.......................................Middle Name......................................

Last Name........................................Street Address ..................................

City, State, Zip Code ...........................Cell Phone Number ...............................

Home Phone Number ...............................

Alternate Email Address..........................Age..............................................

Last Time You Had Sex With A Manatee..............................................

Last Time You Helped Occupy Outhouses Protest Public Defecation Laws............................... AVAILABILITY:Days/Hours Available

Monday .........................................

Tuesday .........................................

Wednesday .......................................

Thursday .......................................

Friday ..........................................

Saturday ........................................

Sunday ..........................................

Hours Available: from _______ to ______

I can't wait to f**king hear from you.

Insincerely,

Gary Tom

It took a couple of days, but danged if I didn't get a curious response from the scam mail originator:

who the f**k r u?

Simple. Direct. Succinct. I reckoned a like reply would be in order:

Who the f**k do you think?

It's been a couple weeks now, and still no reply, so I gather I stumped him. Several efforts to send him hints have gone unanswered, so I guess the mystery for him lives on.