Punxsutawney Scam

Did you know: some scammers are NOT cognizant of February 2, any year, of being Ground Hog Day?

I didn't know this.

So how did I learn this? Easy: I had Punxsutawney Phil edit and 'respond' to and as an email scammer*.

Oh, it's not such a stretch: with ipads, notepads, droids, the availability of unencrypted wifi and such, did you think that the real Punxsutawney Phil isn't tied into The Weather Channel's long range weathercasting, before making his annual prediction? With all the sophisticated electronics in his burrow, it's a wonder Phil isn't Phriccassee.

But on the assumption that perhaps some of the email scammers who received this epistle ARE cognizant of Ground Hog Day, were they ever in for the prediction of their lives:

Yo
My name is Mohamed Alshaikh Bahrainian, a citizen based in Libya as business associate and personal Assistant to Mr. Saif Al-Islam who was arrested 20th November 2011 with two of his Aids while trying to flee to Niger Republic by the National Transition Government who over throw the late Colonel Gadaffi Government after the 9 months war.

Okay...that's a f**king lie. I am Punxsutawney Phil, that overweight ground hog who, for one pain-in-the-ass day a year, becomes rodent de celeb in a burg of peculiar folks in Pennsylvania. And I am here to tell you that I am pretty sick of this sh**. Every year, it's the same crap: lights, cameras, action, and some top hatted buffoon practically sticks his hand up my ass like he's my f**king proctologist, and tells the world what I just predicted about the next six weeks or so of weather for the season.

But things are different now: with wifi, droid phones and the internet, Mr. Top-Hatted Proctologist can kiss my fat rodent ass.

I have come privy to the existence of the sum of $240 Million Euros through Niger Republic to Nabouring country Benin Republic where it was lodged in Escrow account along 230 Kilos of Gold. Doesn't matter where it came from. I know where it is now. And I want YOU to help ME get it. With that money, I can dispense with this annual proctology exam in public, and live the life of a leisurely online scamming ground hog.

So...can we work together over this project? You must, of course, keep everything to your self secret and highly confidential. After I have your gullible assurances to this end, I will give you the details. Also please note that this must be concluded within reasonable time frame therefore your prompt reply is essential.

THIS MUST BE KEPT HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL AND SECRET. I WILL NEED YOUR DIRECT CONTACT MOBILE AND TELEPHONE WHERE ORAL CONVERSATION CAN BE DONE. I NEED YOUR FULL NAME. I NEED YOUR ADDRESS. I NEED YOUR AGE AND OCCUPATION. AND I WILL NEED SEX WITH JENNIFER ANISTON.

Respond to me if you know you are ready to work with me. And in return, I'll tell you what's REALLY going to happen with the weather in your area, and other choice bits of celebrity dirt, like how Lindsay Lohan is really Charlie Sheen in drag, and how I and that fat slob Michael Moore are twins that resulted from sex between a ground hog and a Sonic cheeseburger.

Refuse to work with me, and I'll condemn you to six years of that ground hog-looking fat ass, Chris Matthews, on PMSNBC.

Depending on how you chose here, Blessings to You or Piss Up A Rope.
Punxsutawney Phil, masquerading as Mohamed Alshaikh Bahrainian

So far, none of the recipients of this email have take steps to avoid six years of Chris Matthews. Poor bastards...

* well okay, so it was Seymour, my pet rock what did the editing and such. And the comment about having sex with Jennifer Aniston was Seymour's idea....("was NOT!!!")