Seymour "Writes" Again...

My pet rock, Seymour, is still on extended holiday in Loveland, Colorado. But that hasn't stopped him from making use of my sister's music system to continue his 'career' of hijacking and parodying song lyrics.

"Do NOT!"

You be the judge.

Seymour recently completed lyrics to two songs that he says are "sure fire HITS!". After perusing them, I find that Seymour is right.

And wrong.

"Am NOT!"

Seymour's first "sure fire HIT" is very, VERY reminiscent of the 1970s, and a song by Lynryd Skynyrd, one known the world over as "Free Bird". But not the way Seymour parodied it.

"Did NOT!"

Really, Seymour? You really think a song entitled Free Turd is going to climb the charts?

*Pet rock in petulant pout mode*

But it gets worse.

"Does NOT!!"

Seymour -- in his infinite wisdom -- created a song he says will sweep dance clubs the world over, "especially when they catch my unique lyrics!".

I carefully perused Seymour's "unique lyrics". And it didn't take me long to find where Seymour pirated the idea for this "chart topper": from the 1980s.

"Did NOT!!"

If you've ever heard of a group called the Romantics, recall a song from the 1980s, Talking In Your Sleep. Now that you've recalled it, prepare to have it forever after corrupted, Seymour-style.

"Will NOT!!!"

You be the judge:

From Seymour the Pet Rock Writes Again...

Farting In Your Sleep

When the day is done

and it's time to sleep..eep..eep

And it's down to the sound

of a floor creak

I can guess the things

that you've eaten to-day..ay..ay

When your tummy opens fire

and the gas goes weee-ayyyy...

You pass a chimi-changa

You pass a pas-ta sal-ad

and a bowl of onion so-up

and I know that I'm right

cuz I smell it every ni-ight..

I hear the flatulence you sneak

when you're farting in your sleep

I dread the methane that you seep

when you're farting in your sleep

I have tried to hold you close at ni-ight

It's kinda like sleeping in a...firefight...

And all the fuel that you put inside

You're generating flatus

that you just can't hide...

You pass a large bur-ri-to

and garlic rigo-toni

and don't forget the hot wings..

and I know that I'm right

cuz I'm pummeled every ni-ight...

I fear the flatulence you sneak

when you're farting in your sleep

I hear the methane that you seep

when you're farting in your sleep

I hear the flatulence you sneak

when you're farting in your sleep

I fear the methane that you seep

when you're farting in your sleep

When you close your eyes

and you cock a cheek

the coming night's miasma ain't a...mystery..

You pass a Hostess Twinkie

a double bacon bur-ger

a platter of lingui-ni

it'll be a long night

cuz I'm mired in it's bi-yte...

I fear the flatulence you sneak

when you're farting in your sleep

I hear the paint peelers you seep

when you're farting in your sleep

the dog can't stand the flatulence you sneak

when you're farting in your sleep

the neighbors, from their windows leap

when you're farting in your sleep..

"Pretty catchy, huh?"

Seymour, the EPA will be around to talk to you, after ASCAP and Weird Al...

"Will NOT!!! Uh...who?"