Random Amok

I have no idea what's gonna be writ h'yar.

So hang onto your syntax, since mine ain't wearin' a seat belt.

1. Regarding all the current hoopla about the TSA and 'Rape (or) GropeGate', since I haven't flown anywhere since May '01, and have no plans to venture anywhere that my four-wheeled steed can't git me to, I say only this: if I could be assured that my scanner opt-out would result in getting groped by Shania Twain, Sarah Palin, or Jenna Lee of Fox News...hell, I'd book a flight to Newark. Nothing says I have to board the plane...

2. Bad as things have been in Broncoland this season, it could be worse: we could have Brett Favre throwing his junk here, instead of at a Jet's sideliner, or for the Vikings.

3. No matta how bad any of the teams I follow are doing, it's friggin' football: I'd watch the nuns of St. Dipstick play the Girl Scouts of Troop Fuggedaboudit, long as there's hits and trash talk.

4. Despite how bad things are in Califorlornia, too many of the voters there supported digging the hole deeper and deeper. Then, turned around and rejected legalizing marijuana, right when getting high was the only illusional relief they're gonna find. The legals are going to be fleeing to Arizona soon.

5. Seymour's been hit on by a Russian bride scammer, "Olga". She's blonde, cute...and her picture's crossed my scambaiting radar screens before, under different names. Olga wrote to Seymour, but called him "Jerome". Obviously, the Russkies haven't gotten the word out about how Jerome "Curly" Howard was responding to Russian scammers from beyond the grave. Maybe a pet rockski will do better? I doubt it.

6. Painful rectal itch sucks. Glad I don't have it.

7. Seymour's had a good year: came back from Ohio. Went to Texas. Got married. Got mentioned in the acknowledgments of a book sequel. Went to North Carolina. Got in trouble with his spouse. Is going to spend Thanksgiving in Loveland, and then is off to Virginia. Seymour ain't scared of the TSA. He goes UPS Ground. TSA, neener.

8. It's snowing in the mountains. It isn't snowing here. Mountains is that way, yetis.

9. I don't give a damn who hit Annie in the fanny with a flounder. I don't know the flounder.

10. A door knob is smarter than Joy Behar.

11. Thank you, US Military, both active and retired. Never 'nuff said on that.

12. Dear Comcast: I'll be cancelling my cable in February. No cable when there's no football. It's against my religious billing cycle.

12a. Painful nose hair boogers suck. Glad I don't have any.

13. Save the whales: prohibit them from migrating through a forest during logging operations.

14. O'Reilly, when you ask a question, SHUT UP and let 'em answer it, m'kay? When they start being evasive, THEN pin their ears back.

15. Olbermann, just freakin' SHUT UP. You're a moron. Providing more proof is unnecessary redundance.

16. I won a free trip in a raffle, to hunt with Dick Cheney. I'm not using it.

16a. Painful in-grown ear hair sucks. Glad I don't have any.

17. 2011 will be the Year That Followed 2010.

17a. I'm not buying a 2011 calendar; my 2010 one worked just fine.

18. I took a quiz on Facebook that said I would die in 2013. Fine. I won't have to pay taxes that year. Phffffft.

19. My pet rock brags he's got more friends on Facebook than I do. That's true; and in the past two weeks, he's lost more than I have. To quote a reader, *snerx*.

20. I left a bunch of chocolate at work. It's locked up. Mwhahahahahaha.

21. It is said that with age comes wisdom. My wisdom was surgically removed -- all four teeth -- in '83. The rest makes sense since then.

22. My smoke detectors need new batteries; too much speed dialing the Culinary Crisis Center this year. After years of neglecting the core problem, I'll look into fixing it this year, with longer-lasting batteries.

23. To family and friends who've whupped cancer this year: you rock.

24. A coworker walked up to me on 11/20/10 and thanked me for saving his life one year ago. All I did was ask a few questions and make a phone call. Others did the hard and important parts.

25. My 19" color Panasonic TV still works. When converted to human from electronics years, it's celebrating it's 100th birthday. Hope it doesn't fall and break a hip changing channels.

26. I could have a few more, but I started getting lame at #1.