Tornado Chasing for Dummies -- 2006

June 2006, proved a disappointing storm chase season for me. So when conditions were projected to be 'potentially unstable' for Denver and points east on Thursday, June 22, I decided to give it a go. After all, being "potentially unstable" myself, I felt a kind of kinship with like company.

Usually I chase alone; this time, I had a passenger, an invisible one I didn't invite: Murphy, and his dadgummed law.

For instance, in late May I had reloaded my 35mm film supply, as well as picked up an extra battery for the camera, in case my two year old battery went phfft, or I ran into particularly good shooting.

I apparently forgot to put them in the car. I blame Murphy (ML # somethin' or other: You'll forget what you forgot you forgot, until you need it, when your 'forget' forgets, and you'll realize you forgot it). So all I had along was the one partially-used roll of film already in the camera: four shots of which remained.

Of course, I could have remembered this in time to rectify it with a stop and purchase of extra film in Bennett, CO, my usual staging area east of Denver on I-70. But it wasn't until after I departed Bennett -- hurriedly -- that I made what proved to be my second discovery. The hurried departure was the result of Murphy's first discovered intrusion into my chase plans (ML # somethin' er other: weather and it's real (vs projected) tracks don't give a damn about your best laid plans). What was supposed to be good conditions evolving along the foothills and moving east was, in fact, doing so: but south of I-70. Not from Denver to the east, but from Colorado Springs to the east/northeast.

I was on the wrong side of the building storms again.

Thanks, Murf.

So I made a quick (but legal...*wink*) redeployment to just west of Limon, CO, where state highway CO 86 heads back west/southwest from I-70. The storm track appeared to be moving toward, or just south of Limon and points immediately south; I reasoned a deployment into the sparsely populated area of eastern Kiowa and/or Elbert County would potentially allow me to overcome Murphy.

It did; and it didn't.

Prodigious in my storm chase deficiencies is my vehicle: a Saturn Ion. It's a great vehicle for what it's meant to be; an all-terrain, all roads/conditions vehicle isn't one of them. As I learned in '05, using the local dirt roads for more precise interceptions in a storm wasn't an option, as the dirt turned to slime, and my tires (new in '05, and now surpassing 25,000 miles of use) were only adequate for non-snow/ice-bearing pavement. So I was stuck with Hwy 86, or any other paved roads I encountered.

In Kiowa and eastern Elbert County, that ain't many. And 86 -- a good road, to be sure -- is only two lanes, with not a lot of places to turn around in a hurry, should conditions require me to make a tactical withdrawal with the alacrity of a striped-ass gazelle.

As I plowed along west, both visual sign and weather radio sign became encouraging: ever-more ominous storm clouds were before me, and a radio report of a possible tornado near Franktown in Douglas County (west of Elbert County) gave me cause to think I might get lucky, even coming in from the wrong direction, again. Then came another weather alert: tornado sighting near the town of Elbert (where it reportedly damaged a couple homes, also to my west). Another head-to-head reckoning was stupidly on the menu.

But and again, from the wrong direction: it's called storm chasing for a reason. Running into the storm from head-on isn't what seasoned storm chasers consider too bright. Fortunately, I've never claimed to be too bright.

Finally, at a point roughly 10 or so miles east of Kiowa, CO, I found IT: a funnel cloud (it wasn't on the ground at this point). I also found rain. Hail. And some pretty gusty winds, what with the bucking and rocking my Saturn was doing. I quickly pulled over and got off one shot before Murphy's Law chose to reveal my third discovery: with a tired phffft, my camera battery died.

(Expletives -- in heart-felt plurality -- deleted)!

On top of that, after my one and only shot of the funnel -- which I wasn't even sure I got at the time -- the skies opened up. Including through my open window.

I hope Murphy got as wet as I did, before I got the window up.

So there I was, stopped along 86, vehicle rocking, cursing Murphy and a dead camera, while my one observed funnel cloud was now lost to view through the deluge. It was obvious to me that there might be more fireworks yet to come; it was also obvious to me I was in a lousy spot, at a lousy point in a getting-lousy storm, with a lousy camera inoperative because of a lousy dead battery, and a lousy invisible passenger I blamed for the whole lousy situ-lousy-ation.

Thus up to my ass in lousy -- not that you would have guessed it -- a rather frustrated decision demanded I do the one smart thing I did that lousy afternoon: I turned the Ion around with heavy heart and blue air, and ran like a lousy wet, striped-ass gazelle back in the direction of I-70.

On the way back to Denver, I encountered quite a photo op on the backside of the storm; hoping beyond hope that perhaps the camera battery had enough umph to take one last photo, I tested Murphy.

It actually took (before it went phffft again). So all in all, the two photos I managed that day tweren't all bad, all things considered (I cropped the funnel photo, but left the backside of the storm photo in it's original form). But I was damned if I'd ever take Murphy along on another storm chase. On this I was adamant.

ML # somethin' er other: Regardless of my or anyone elses' plans, Murphy goes where and when Murphy wants.

*Sigh* Yawp.

Note: no 2007 episode...but there sure as hell was in June, 2008.