Flu-Be-Doo

H1N1, aka, "swine flu". Actually, a combo of strains of swine flu, avian flu, and Joe Biden HUA* flu.

Theories abound about it. As it began a sudden multiplication in Mexico, and then started appearing elsewhere, it sent the media morons of CNN (and some other outlets) into a "let's panic the public over THIS" mode, without so much as a thought to do any thoughtful, responsible journalism about it before hitting the panic button.

One more reason of among many that CNN is a joke, but I sorta digress.

My pet rock, Seymour, was rather curious about reaction to the flu -- Mexico City shutting down, a hotel lockdown in Hong Kong, Mexicans quarantined and restricted in China, Mexico telling China something indelicate (that ends in tu madre), US schools closing, some sharp-witted entrepreneur making a mint out of designer surgical masks on Amazon.com that are suddenly all the rage (and that the CDC says aren't worth snail spit against the flu), Joe Biden telling people to go to open fields and stay out of confined spaces, increasing the space for his ever-growing feet to fit in an evergrowing mouth -- and so on.

Which led to this brief exchange between me and my ever-curious pet rock:

Seymour: Can I get swine flu?

Me: Nawp. You're a rock.

Seymour: Can you get the swine flu?

Me: I suppose.

Seymour: What happens if you get the flu?

Me: I get sick, and you get to watch whatever you want for a week.

Seymour: Try and catch it real quick then; the NBA playoffs are going on..

A pet rock that's all heart...and knows I don't watch basketball.

Actually, Seymour has come up with a theory about this new flu, and one that I don't entirely dismiss, even though he's a pet rock; after all, some people take Joe Biden seriously, though that number shrinks by each succeeding gaffe.

According to Seymour, certain diseases get named in a manner that suggests animal origins. Mad Cow Disease. Bird "avian" flu. Swine flu. And when one comes out with that name, first the media reacts in a "oh goody, we can start a panic-demic!" mode, and the ripple effect is telling, at least for a time. Countries shut down. People stay home, put fish bowls on their heads, wear useless surgical masks, lounge on the couch and watch Geraldo start chair-throwing fights, while eating copious quantities of vitamin C and Cheez-its, calling 911 if the nuggets at McDonalds run out.

And, of course, the particular animal for which the flu is named or associated is, as a consumable, is backshelved, albeit temporarily.

Envision h'yar a Seymour *TOING*

Seymour suspects that Mad Cow Disease was stoked by militant bovines (which media also-rans like CNN, and political opportunists like Joe Biden, are all too willing to help perpetuate), in an effort to curtail beef consumption even more effectively than any pathetic PETA effort ever has. Same thing with avian "bird" flu, a couple years ago: chickens and turkeys -- showing a unity of purpose, rarely seen, and in a very fowl mood, put that one out, sharply curtailing poultry consumption for a time, while half-witted poltroons got face time as "experts" on CNN and other dumbed-down news outlets.

And now comes H1N1 -- swine flu -- and the turn of "the other white meat" to provide CNN more misreporting opportunities, and Joe Biden to exercise his gift of gaffe, while giving pigs a respite from the slaughter house.

A nice theory, as I pointed out to Seymour. However, if his theory had any credence, it also had one of those pesky "unintended consequences" things associated widdit, and one he was apparently unaware of: in reaction to Mad Cow Disease -- with few, if any, proven cases ever crossing over to people -- cattle herds were decimated in some places. In the case of avian "bird" flu, the human deaths associated with it didn't amount to any more, annually, than the regular flu kills world-wide, while millions of chickens and turkeys were killed as a "preventive measure".

BAHWK (that's a Homer Rooster's version of DOH!)!

And as noted, a similar reaction is now affecting pigs in different regions of the world (like in Egypt).

Meantime, Seymour asked what precautions people are supposed to take while H1N1 is out and about. I told him the same precautions during any cold and flu season: frequent hand washing with soap and water, covering the nose and mouth when coughing or sneezing, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Pondering that, Seymour asked me if I'm following the standard precautions. "Of course", was my response.

Seymour: So, there's little chance you'll catch the swine flu?

Me: Yup. Pretty remote.

Seymour: *pondering this a mo'*....could you maybe catch just a little of it the week of the NBA finals?

Me: Seymour, you're all heart. Perhaps if you're real good this week, I'll walk through some infected person's sneeze spray, just for a touch of it.

Seymour actually *beamed* at that.

* Head Up Ass, for the dumbed-down CNN staff's edification