Friday, April 10, 2009

They're Baaaaaaack...Kinda Sorta Not

About the last week of March, 2006, I met with Japan Lite writer/blogger Amy Chavez at the Buffalo Bar & Grill in Idaho Springs, CO. We'd corresponded some over a few years, and she happened to be in Colorado to ski, so she arranged a meet.

In arranging this meet, Amy asked that I bring Seymour, my pet rock, and Jane, my purloined (for Seymour) earette of corn along, so she could meet 'em. After we met, Amy sprang an unexpected request upon me: could she take Seymour and Jane back to Japan with her? To spend a summer on the beach at her Moooo! Bar, located on the beach of Shiraishi Island, in the Japanese Inland Sea.

While Seymour and Jane sat there stunned, albeit pleased, at the invite, I pondered it all of a couple seconds before saying "yes". I never saw a pet rock and earette of corn so excited (see photo, which is Seymour and Jane, pre-Japan). Actually, I've never seen them show much emotion about anything, other than when something 'morphed' in my 'fridge, and scared Seymour when he tried to get a midnight snack ... or when Seymour watched a marathon of The Outer Limits (TOS) and then 'fixed' my VCR remote into a 'home defence device' that I discovered the hard way ... and there was the katana/iaido episode ... but I digress.

Anyway, Amy said she'd have 'em back the next spring (2007).

Which became the next spring (2008). And then the next spring (2009). Seymour and Jane had returned to the US by the spring of '08, but they spent the rest of that year adorning a dining room table at Amy's parents farm in Ohio. Not exactly the beach outside of the Moooo! Bar, but finally, Seymour and Jane had returned to the USA. And now, they were to return to my care on April 2, 2009.

Or so I'd been led to believe.

When I met Amy and her friend Paul at the Buffalo Bar and Grill in Idaho Springs, I noticed something immediately: both Amy and Paul arrived empty-handed. Okay, I reckoned, I'd pick up Seymour and Jane when we left the bar.

Wrong.

Amy apologetically let me know that Seymour was still in Ohio. Then, she and Paul broke the 'news': Jane was 'missing'. And Seymour was being questioned by local authorities in Ohio as a person...er...pet rock of interest in Jane's 'disappearance'.

It's a good thing I live an absurd life; otherwise, none of this would make any sense...

So...the saga continues. Seymour, being interrogated by some of Ohio's finest, while Jane is...somewhere, physically changed from whenst I last saw her, with a huge brood all over Shiraishi Island and points elsewhere, and not one kernel of evidence asto where she is right now.

*ducking boos and assorted throwd items*

Amy promises to keep me updated on the case. Meantime, if anyone sees a possibly tribal-looking corncob, largely shorn of corn, with a base plate screwed into her butt, and wearing something akin to what Trailer Trash Barbie or Kimono Barbie wears, wandering aimlessly in your neighborhood, drop me an email. Especially if she's muttering dire threats about kicking a pet rock's ass.

I might overcome common sense -- as I frequently do -- and answer it.

14 Comments:

Blogger Little Lamb said...

Missing corn on the cob - Jane and a pet rock Seymour being questioned. Hmmm, maybe Seymour did have something to do with it, or maybe he's being blamed for Jane's disappearance. The plot thickens.

10 April, 2009 04:39  
Blogger Jenny said...

Skunky, what are you smoking?

But if that corncob really visited Ohio, you'll never see her again. Just too many sweet-talkin' corny dudes there. I married an Ohioan so I should know.

Seymour had better learn the words to There's More Pretty Girls Than One ... and then move on.

10 April, 2009 08:50  
Blogger ANNA-LYS said...

The return of the corn cob?

10 April, 2009 09:21  
Blogger Andy said...

Skunkfeathers, I hate to break it to you, but you did one awful job of raising Seymour. But it ain't all your fault!

He's a good-looking boy and all, but you just can't trust them damn rocks...

10 April, 2009 14:57  
Blogger Right Truth said...

Pet rocks look so cool, calm and trustworthy -- but you've got to remember they are "smooth", slippery, and tricky dudes.

Debbie Hamilton
Right Truth

10 April, 2009 20:34  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

LOL...yeah, it's arguable I did a lousy job raising Seymour. Call me an indulgent parent...as for what I'm smoking? Only smoke here is when I try to use the kitchen, so whatever's burning in or on the stove ;)

11 April, 2009 03:47  
Blogger Jack K. said...

An "earette" named Jane.

A Pet Rock named Seymour.

A trip to a foreign land.

A return trip to an exotic state in the US of A.

The disappearance of said earette named Jane.

Seymour, relegated to the position of Pet Rock of Interest.

Possible sightings of a primitive art form table lamp.

These have all of the earmarks (pun not intended, dammit) sleuth story coming from our favorite sleuthmaster Hale McKay.

I can see the title now, "The Strange story of Mr. Seymour and Ms Jane.

I hope you can sell it to him. I'll keep watching to learn of the results.

LMAO

11 April, 2009 06:30  
Blogger Serena said...

Oh, dear. I have a neighbor matching the description of Trailer Trash Barbie, but I'm pretty sure it's not your Jane. I think an in-depth interrogation of the suspects is in order here. I mean, how can you be sure somebody didn't pop Jane?

11 April, 2009 18:48  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If Jane was ground into meal for cat food, then my bionic kitties have eaten her and the evidence is in the pooper scooper. I will send some food samples for analyze ASAP! ;-)

11 April, 2009 23:10  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...or analysis, whichever the lab wants to do. LOL!!!

11 April, 2009 23:10  
Blogger Right Truth said...

That's so funny, love the one on the beach and the topless one, hee hee

Happy and blessed Easter to you and yours.

Debbie Hamilton
Right Truth

12 April, 2009 08:06  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

Hopefully Jane will show up before the economy produces a paper shortage - one so bad that toilet paper becomes hard to find.

We do know what Ohioans used before toilet paper, don't we?

Jane might become a stinker, uh no offense to present company intended.

LOL @ Jack's comments and the story suggestion.

12 April, 2009 19:21  
Blogger Da Pixie said...

Oh, poor Jane. Skunk, I hate to be the pessimistic one, but I think Jane has probably been eaten by a cow.

Screw and all.

14 April, 2009 06:46  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

Pix...and dang it all, that wuz one of the three fates I reckoned I'd saved her from: being ground into feed, turned into grits, or turned into ethanol.

Dunno ;)

But I don' think the saga's over yet. Ms Amy sent me an email that suggests a 'break in the case' is at hand...

14 April, 2009 20:36  

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