Vocabulary Builder V -- Pre-April Fools' Edition

Ah, the rapidly-approaching April First. The sound of remote-controlled fart machines in the air. Saran Wrap on toilets. Whatever other deviltry can be conceived of.

As for me, I just thought I'd put together another one of them so-called vocabulary builders, to further enhance reader lexicology.

That's, I say, that's an April Fools' joke there, son.

Classmate:

- sex education gone way too far

- coffee creamer for the well-to-do

- fellow class member

Copulate:

- lexicological edification of syntax, cruciverbally-speaking

- see previous word, first choice

- criticism of police for arriving after the crime

Depressor:

- instructor who really bums out students

- a nerve that lowers blood pressure

- when she says "not on your life!" at the end of a date

Dildo:

- what pickle bread is made from

- why she says "not on your life!" in previous choice; she gots one and don't need you...

- an extinct bird

Furl:

- to fold up

- to puke a hairball

- Earl's half-wit brother

Haiku:

- Japanese meaning "pound sand-san"

- Japanese meaning "yeah, what Miss Piggy said when she thumped someone"

- Japanese meaning "three line poem of 17 syllables, like....

I think I pass gas

Everybody runs away

it must really stink

Kumquat:

- town in Iraq

- an orange-like fruit

- a well-stimulated quat will, I'm sure...

Misanthrope:

- doesn't have a neck

- person who hates people

- debutante with a 'tude

News flash:

- teleprompter catches fire

- Katy Couric's latest try to boost ratings on the CBS Nightly Nudes...

- single item of important news...to someone...maybe...

Oblique:

- a single guy's chances with a Catholic nun

- declining from the horizontal or vertical

- economic forecast in Ireland

Phantasm:

- something illusionary

- spirit sex

- elephant orgasm

Rebut:

- refute or disprove

- replacement, since the original one didn't fit in them jeans...

- frog meaning...whatever it means to a frog

Satin:

- Redneck meaning "sumpin ah dun satin..."

- a fabric

- Redneck meaning "that Loocifur feller the Rev rags about"

Tetanus:

- Sick video game

- bacterial disease

- Far East New Year celebration of someone's butt

Unitard:

- one piece leotard

- a tard that's good anywhere

- Redneck meaning "we's all tard hyar..."

Wampum:

- to kick the snarf out of

- Indian casino motto

- beads made from shells and strung together

Yahweh:

- Hebrew name for God in the Old Testament

- giving directions...badly

- response when someone says "no way"

Verb sap:

- Latin meaning "sticky substance that oozes from a verb in season"

- Latin meaning "one word's enough"

- Latin meaning "used to beat unruly syntax into line"

Xylocarp:

- hard, woody fruit

- a musical fish

- a foreigner complaining about a hard woody

Zoonosis:

- disease seen in zoo monkeys that causes them to throw their sh..dung

- German meaning "ja, du know mine zister?"

- disease transmitted to humans from animals

Recall:

- something Hillary rarely can

- summon to return

- ruin everything

Pylon:

- one of them robot things in Battlestar Galactica

- structure supporting an aircraft engine

- what the media frequently does without getting facts straight

Difficult:

- hard to do

- what South Park does to Scientology at every opportunity

- a culture of diffidence

Cruet:

- to enforce conscription for a sailing ship

- small container for oil or vinegar

- "screw it" said with a speech impediment

Crowbar:

- place to get raven drunk (ducking boos and throwd items)

- iron bar used as a lever

- aviary musical scale

Defer:

- Redneck meaning "defer taint worth nuthin' hyar"

- postpone

- not to a mink's liking

Claustrophobia:

- a fear of contracts

- a fear of Christmas shopping

- a fear of confining places

Granted, it IS almost April 1st, so I probably didn't mean some of this, did I?