Friday, February 29, 2008

Coyote Stupid

Work email produces some of the weirdest stuff.

A week or so ago, in the morning reading came this email from a highly-placed corporate type:
Something To Think About: if Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that 'ACME' junk, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Not so much a question that makes one go "hmmmm", as it does "and we're told not to screw around with the company email?".

Eh...upper echelon can do what it wants, but I digress.

Anyway and over the years, I've read a few notions on analysis of Wile E. Coyote, and why he did what he did, and endured what he endured, basically to gain something that wouldn't have provided as much nourishment as a bag of Fritos. I've seen a lawyer try to represent him with ACME over repeated product failures; I've seen ACME respond, suggesting that next time, let them pick Wile's brain, so he might get a working one. I've seen a couple of psychoanalysis of him, coming up with a plethora of reasons for Wile's behavior.

At any rate, the wise thing to do with this particular email was to read it, delete it, and go on. That's what people at my level of the corporate food chain refer to as "discretion being the better part of common sense". Well, as those of you who've read this blog for a spell know, common sense and discretion aren't always my forte (aka, The One That Got Away). In keeping with that mind-set, I didn't exercise it here, either.

Thus, what I sent back to Mr. Several Levels Above Me, in answer to his Something To Think About inquiry:

Bottom Ten Reasons Wile E. Coyote spent all that money on ACME junk and not a nice dinner:

10. There was no Chinese delivery in his rather sparse neighborhood

9. In Toontown, easy and logical just don't get it done

8. The Road Runner was slipping him Twinkies and Taco Bell on the side

7. His rather sucky accountant had deluded him with the benefit of tax write-offs

6. His agent did him one of the greatest product endorsement frauds of the 20th Century: Michael Jordan got Nike, Tiger Woods got Buick, and Wile E. got ACME

5. Wile remains beholden to his former stunt double -- Sylvester -- who threatened to quit unless he got a new contract that shortened the distance of his falls, and removed big rocks/little umbrellas from the litany of indignities and pratfalls that Sylvester had to undergo. Just how Wile is indebted to Sylvester hasn't been revealed, but rumor has it that there are sexually suggestive photos with a llama...

4. New Mexico restaurants discriminate against scraggly, animated coyotes

3. Wile has really bad gas, which might tend to explain #4

2. Due to the excessive insurance claims for ACME product mishaps and failures, Wile couldn't save a ton of money by switching to GEICO. It also didn't help that he tried to eat the lizard during the application process

And the Bottom #1 reason that Wile E. Coyote spent all that money on ACME junk instead of a nice dinner is....*drum roll*:

1. He's coyote stupid.

Last I heard, I was still employed and nawp....Dave Letterman's Top Ten writers have little to worry about, strike or no strike...


Blogger Herb said...

It is very annoying to have corporate executives try to be witty, especially when they are breaking their own rules. But #1 back to him should have been, "He wasted too much time reading idiotic e-mails from executives and couldn't get his work done" or "He's a cartoon and not real, now get back to executing." Probably not good choices. I had a boss who got a fax (yes there was a time when faxes were prevalent as e-mail and equally annoying) with the urban legend about the car blinking its lights and killing people and she copied it and distributed it to us.

29 February, 2008 06:02  
Blogger Debbie said...

Does the type email we forward say something about or personality? I see a government study in the works. Can I apply for the millions of dollars to conduct the study???

Debbie Hamilton
Right Truth

29 February, 2008 14:56  
Blogger Little Lamb said...

It seems to me you spend a great deal thinking about these things in your spare time. :-)

29 February, 2008 14:57  
Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

You missed the whole point! The road runner is merely a metaphor for something we can never have no matter how hard we try. The moral of the coyote story is never buy a product without a guarantee. The main question is where Wiley was getting the cash - was he funded by El Queida or Columbian drug lords? We'll never know.

29 February, 2008 16:40  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ACME something stupid and the coyote will answer in a Wile. ;-)

29 February, 2008 21:22  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Herb, as usual, you are on to something. However, I am a little concerned about executing. Who is the target? snerx.

Debbie, I hope you are able to get the study grant.

ll, maybe his spare time has something do to with the importance of his job. lol

phos, perhaps the FBI is already on to this ploy. snerx.

Anon, I wish I had thought of that.

Skunky, there will be no charge for my response to the former comments. I admit to being a cheeky bastard at times. snerx. giggle, etc.

01 March, 2008 08:39  

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