Acronym Dysfunctional

Okay, I admit it: I am not terribly up on acronyms, especially those used on IM chat and text messaging. But I don't limit my ignorance to those areas; I can be kinda dense* when it comes to high tech computer acronyms, too.

I have an acquaintance who is highly-placed with the Denver Better Business Bureau. She forwards me emails about various scams that cross her PC, often containing her own FYI comments, laced with her own endearing, incisive wit.

For example, a recent forward from her -- titled All BBBs: WiFi and ID Theft -- had this as the basic substance of the email: We have a unique question from a print reporter working on a story for this weekend. He wants to know the risk of identity theft via a WiFi network. Does anyone have anything they can share? he claims he's heard of complaints of ID theft and the victim blames the WiFi network. My first thought was, the theft was likely due to the website visited or the lack of anti virus protection on the pc. Anything you know would be greatly appreciated.

Responded one BBBer: IDT from WiFi is all too real and very often involves a technique called "War Driving" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wardriving Unfortunately the practice is spreading and the knuckleheads who do this stuff are only too happy to share all their techniques. Airports and other WiFi places are hot spots for getting into wireless nets and stealing information. Equipment to do tit is readily available.

Responded another BBBer: I ADORE using the word "knucklehead". Of course, for me, it is a euphemism for asshole (oops. How not very seasoned and sage of me!).

Which drew this response from a prior BBB responder: LOL. You know The Code! An FBI buddy taught it to me. It comes in very handy when addressing groups of schoolchildren or little old ladies. For some reason asshole gets the old gals upset and the kids giggle uncontrollably. Go figure. I'd say anyone who knows The Code is seasoned (OK, salty) and sage.

In sending me this email forward, my BBB friend didn't expect any action on my part regarding the message; it was just an FYI that she so graciously sent to me, in case I'm a user of WiFi (and so should you be, if you make use of WiFi when working, travelling, anythinging).


Then, like a bird house once dun, it 'hit' me: a 'user' of WiFi? *TOING*

Despite my monumental ignorance of many things high-tech, that was one acronym I had a sort-of grasp of. But not one to let a basic understanding get in the way of providing her with a "knucklehead" response sure to having her shaking her head, I fired back this:

I don't use WiFi...it runs against my upbringing to consider using a WiFi. Horsefeathers...I don't have a WiFi, having been a life-long bachelor. If I had a WiFi, I can't conceive of "using" my WiFi. It would seem that using a WiFi would probably get me in trouble with all kinds of rights groups. Now, if I had a WiFi, perhaps it'd be wise to work WITH and not USE her, but this seems a no-brainer to even a thrice-concussed, questionable-brainer like moi. I mean, having to divorce a WiFi is expensive and has all kinds of long-term fiscal and psychological issues attendant. And why should one be scandalized by a loyal WiFi who'd help lowlifes commit against their SpouSi identity theft?

Or am I misreading this, and this is some kind of computer tech acronym for wireless computer systems? If so, please disregard the opening salvo.

In immediate retrospect, I saw the error of my acronyms, and added this postscript with a follow up email:


I are such a bonehaid...in my last response to the WiFi thang, I should have used -- in place of SpouSi -- a more fitting and sequitur acronym, "HuBi".

My bad.

I don't know if my BBB pal then shared my (un)learned response with her cohorts; but I'm sure that if she did, more than a few considered me one of her referenced "knuckleheads".


And not without justification ;-)

* especially when I can use it for laughs