Seymour & Jane: Update

A few of you have asked; Seymour and Jane have answered.

Just the other day I received this postcard from Seymour and Jane, wishing me a Happy New Year (Year of the Pig/Boar in the Chinese astrological sphere), and letting me know that they can't wait to come home this year, because "it's cold here!".

During the summer spent on the beach at the Moooo! Bar, I heard only from their host.

They're currently on the Japanese island of Hokkaido with their host, Amy Chavez. She's there teaching English, and skiing when she gets the chance between time needed for her other endeavors.

Weather-wise, they don't know what they've missed here, do they?

For those of you who've joined this blog more recently, Seymour is my precocious pet rock, adopted from the property landscaping back in April of 2000. His original purpose on Moving Day was as a door stop; but in the snow and cold of that particular early April day, he weedled his way into staying on as an adopted "pet rock".

And in the time since has become quite the spoiled pet rock: he has managed to learn to use my phone and credit card to order pizza; uses my golf putter to try to fend off the "dangerous" leftovers that morph in my refrigerator (or at least in the first one); tried to get the police to take him along in the wake of the infamous "Iaido-katana" episode; and after watching a marathon of the original The Outer Limits series on the Sci-Fi Channel, converted the VCR remote into a home defense weapon without the benefit of a user's manual. That resulted in me unknowingly insulting some ethnic neighbors with obscene Morse Code in Farsi, and vaporizing a pile of phone books and the first refrigerator (which I remind Seymour I'm still paying for).

Then there's Jane: an authentic earette of corn from Iowa. One I was convinced by Seymour to purloin from a not-yet harvested field and bring back to him as a companion, during my September '05 journey to Iowa (noted in the Sept '05 blog entries). I didn't know Jane was a 'Jane' until Seymour so named her.

I wasn't sure even then, but I got proof positive not long after Seymour and Jane were spending summer days and nights on the beach at the Moooo! Bar on Shiraishi Island: Amy wrote to tell me that Jane was gonna be a momma.

I'd meant to have that talk with Seymour before they headed off to Japan in March of '06, but like most guys, I procrastinated. Besides, whadda we got hyar? A rock and an earette of corn?

Who knew?

At any rate, I don't know how much of a brood is coming back with them; I did remind Seymour that this is a one bedroom apartment. 'Nuff said.

So anyway, there's your update for inquiring minds. I anticipate Seymour and Jane returning sometime around May, perhaps; I believe Amy is planning to visit her family in Ohio around then, and will be more than ready to return her free-loading guests hyar.

And, believe it or not, they'll be welcome back. After all, Ol' Stone Face (the Easter Island-looking Kleenex dispenser) and my plutonium shovel just don't have Seymour's talent for mayhem and mischief.

Thank Gawd.

I expect some transitional problems upon their return: I don't speak Japanese. I don't use or have chopsticks. The closest thing to a beach around here lives two floors down on the backside of the building.

And there's no charming Amy for Seymour and Jane to have fun with. Just ol' fud me.

At least I do have some new DVD movies for Seymour and Jane to entertain themselves with. I've made it a point to not include the modernized movie version of The Outer Limits. I can't afford to have to buy another refrigerator.