Friday, January 19, 2007

Hearing Impaled


What did we listeners do to piss off my local radio station?

For the past couple days, Colorado's Morning News (850 KOA, Denver CO) has been playing snippets from auditions for the next edition of American Idol. The snippets are of auditions from Minneapolis and Seattle.

And have obviously been cherry-picked for their "unique" sound.

A sound that convinced me this morning an alien was attempting to jam an anal probe into my radio's backside.

Steffan/April, MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!!

Granted, just a quick remote search of day time talk TV reveals how many people are more than eager to debase themselves for 15 minutes of (sh)fame before a percentage of a national and studio audience. So it follows that folks who screech in the shower should delude themselves into thinking they've got what it takes to be the next big winner on American Idol.

When you've got something like that, there must be something that can cure it.

From what I heard on KOA the past two mornings -- I thought I was waking up to a Reuters audio fabrication of torture of terrorists at Guantanamo -- there is no way on God's Green Earth that I could be remotely within earshot of this show. Small wonder Simon Cowell is the way he is. Jewel -- apparently a guest judge -- will either start taking a hard line with the audio devastations of Rufus and Queen, or will start thinking that William Hung is the greatest recording artist since William Shatner.

Much as I miss her, I'm glad Karen Carpenter was spared this.

And yes, hypersensitives, I'm not excluding me from the audio talentless. At least unlike some of these frightfully deludeds, I don't bother shaming myself before a national audience. I can't carry a tune in an easy-to-carry bucket and I have no illusions on that score. I adhere to the wisdom of "Dirty Harry" Callaghan (Magnum Force) when he espoused, "a man's GOT to know his limitations".

I do; so should so many of these audio abominations.

'Scuse me now as I go wash my ears out with some Enya.

4 Comments:

Blogger deni said...

Ok, I admit, I harbor a secrest fascination for American Idol, watching it cracks me up, especially the looks on the judges faces, or when they are cracking up because someone sounds like a dead cow in heat.

I have no delusions that I could sing, and I won't even do kareoke, I can't imagine getting up on national tv and humiliating myself.

But it sure is funny watching others do it.

19 January, 2007 05:39  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

I'm glad to see that someone besides me thinks American Idol is must "not" see TV.

I was one told I had a face made for radio and a voice made for silent films - when I took the mike for Karaoke one time. When it comes to stardom, alas, I'm an American Idle.

Great post.

19 January, 2007 21:31  
Blogger Raggedy said...

Glad I don't watch tele. It is a sad day when Tele is taking over the Radio airwaves. I enjoyed your post and laughed at the finish. I had to google Enya. I will have to download one of her songs and give it a listen.

Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

20 January, 2007 05:57  
Blogger Karen said...

Gah! I don't watch American Idol for several reasons, most of all because I don't like watching people make fools out of themselves. Not that I can sing a note without being chased by male cats thinking I'm in heat, but I know I can't sing, so I don't. LOL

I'd have to quit listening to that station. You are so funny... me thinks you should fax this post to the station. I triple-dog dare you.

21 January, 2007 14:14  

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