The Sting -- An Abbreviated Version

It would have been kinda fun to transcribe this entire series, from the first to the very last email.

But you'll see why I didn't, in a minute.

It began on Friday, May 25, with one of those emails from George Nyerere (g_nyererer_00_88@yahoo.co.uk); a measly $8,000,000 claim that I -- as the foreign next of kin -- would receive a 25% share of, upon completion of George's effort to give me the business. A business that required me to travel to South Africa to conclude.

*Snort*

Eh. My initial response was, overall, rather unenthusiastic ("Sir: only $8,000,000? You're a slacker, sir. I've had offers for as much as five times this amount. How can you look your fellows in the face at the Internet Cafe?").

But that reply went over the head of ol' George, and dissuaded him not. He proceeded to give me the business with genuine enthusiasm and the belief that he'd found a true fool. So what was I to do -- as the resurrected U. R. Phulovit -- but to give it back with an equal amount of...eh.

For a month -- until June 26 -- the emails went to and fro: 57 generated by George, his first bank, his second bank, and his barrister; 58 in reply by yours truly. The players: George Nyerere; Johan Otto of the ABSA Bank, South Africa (info@absamails.com), Stan Luthlu of the FNB Bank, South Africa (stanluth@hotmail.co.uk), and last but sointenly not least, Bannister Scott James Nicholson, Esq (barr.scott@yahoo.com).

For over half the month, George, ABSA, and later Stan of the FNB Bank, tried very hard to get me to commit to travelling to South Africa; I tried equally hard to convince them that my business demands at the time would brook no international travel, and that they would have to bring the necessary documents and come to the Houston International Airport, where I would rent a conference room for our use.

Couldn't sell it, but I tried.

Finally, they returned to the usual scam script, as they grudgingly retained a barrister -- who they warned me might be pricey -- who would serve as intermediary in giving me the business.

Over the course of the month, I had one scammer begging me not to "forsoke him" (George) when I was adamant that I couldn't travel to South Africa; I managed to get one bank fired (Johan Otto of ABSA Bank), by re-writing his emails to me, and forwarding them to George as "proof" that ABSA Bank was trying to cut him out of the deal. George bought it; I got several emails from ABSA after they were fired, demanding to know what was going on, which I responded to by telling them George had fired them for dishonesty, and that they could blow chunks and get lost. Then I almost got the second banker fired (Stan of FNB), by using the same tactic of email re-writing and forwarding to George; George forgave Stan and explained away the emails I had doctored and forwarded, apparently without Stan challenging their authenticity. And when the bannister retained by George/Stan upped his fee demands from an initial $8,000 to a total of $80,000, I almost got him fired by re-writing another ABSA Bank email (the same one I'd re-written and re-used thrice with George never knowing the difference), in which I implicated the bannister as a representative of ABSA's interests, and forwarding that to George; the bannister saved himself by denouncing ABSA's slander, denying any connection to ABSA, and immediately cutting his demanded fees to a figure I suggested to him I could manage.

Like shooting fish in a gallon bucket. Without water.

Finally came the usual climax: I sent the bannister a Money Gram for $14,500 Euros (100% bogus, of course) on a Saturday, which he acknowledged receipt of and stated he'd deal with and execute the contract on the next business day, which would be Monday, June 25.

Which is when -- after he or his assistant were thoroughly humiliated at the Money Gram location in Johannesburg, South Africa, which he raged at me about in an angry email, before demanding I "leave him alone" -- the scales fell from all eyes on the collective scammer's end. For George, I was now "a lowlife man who not serous about help him and his famly, so dont write them no more".

So I honored their request and writ them some more:

George, Stan, Scott and you ABSA bank wads:

This has been a genuine pleasure. Well, at least for one of us.

Thank you for playing Scam or No Scam, the online game show that seeks only the best of scams from across the Internet. I'm sorry that you didn't win, but here's your consolation prize: a tell (almost) all revelation.

George, I knew you were a lowlife scam from the opening email. Your unimaginative, copied-many-times-over email was ludicrous and far from original. I have been duelling with your fellow email scammers since 2000, and making a whole lot of mugus out of probably 300 of your brethren in that time. But this one was more fun than the average: it was fun turning you against your first-chosen bank, ABSA. And all I had to do there was re-write their emails to me, and forward the re-writes to you, so you thought your scam ally had turned on you. That was a joy to pull off, and underlined how amateur and inept you and your fellows in this scam are. Making mugus of you on that was like shooting fish in a gallon bucket, without the water.

Stan and Scott, you were simply two bit players who came in later and fell in as readily as did George and his ABSA idiots. You guys are individually and collectively, pathetic. You're almost as bad, inept and stupid as Bruno Weka (bruno_weka@yahoo.co.uk), who dimwittedly provided me with the Houston residential and bank information I used on you. Bruno, you remain the dumbest of dumbasses, but as you can see, you have lots of inept company in Scamland.

Lads, it wasn't a good try, but I enjoyed your silly efforts for the time of yours I happily wasted. This series will be exposed on a scambaiting website, so that anyone and everyone online can read about how you fell short in your effort to give me the business, and wound up as bigger fools than you tried to play me for.

No thanks are necessary, boys. The pleasure has been, and will continue to be, all mine.

That email drew no comment from any of the recipients, including Bruno, which would lead you to think it's over. They were done with me. They told me so.

You don' know these scammers vewy well, do you?