REALLY Baaaaad Skunk

Uh huh.

This is another of those one-try, one-reply scam emails. I have no doubt that the originator -- the alleged Rita Adams, from the Solomon Islands (rita_adams555@yahoo.fr) -- didn't intend it thus. And no, that ain't her pictured at the right (that's one of my earlier Russian scambride-wannabes). But the photo fits the post, as will soon become "baaaad skunk" clear.

At any rate, she intended further communicative intercourse with me. But my reply changed her intentions, by hitting her right square in her communicative intercourse, shore 'nuff.

Here's what Rita Adams writ:

greet you in the name of Lord. I am Mrs. RITA ADAMS from Solomon Islands. I am married to Mr. williams Kona who worked with our embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died on 15 of August 2006. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after breif illness that lasted four days.

Ever before his death we were both born again Christians and have sown into many ministries. Since his death I have decided not to remarry (thank God it ain't THAT kinda scam!), but feeling quite lonely if not the Lord who has been my partner and comforted.

While my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $7.2 million usd in a Bank in Cote D Ivoire. Presently this money is still in the custory of the Bank. Recently my doctor told me I would not last the next five months due to problems of the cancer. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church, and I need a good person like you to organize that donate.

I want of this fund to go to church, and to orphans and widows and others needy for money and help. The Bible I came to with my dead husband tells me "Blessed is the hand that giveth", and I wish to be blessed in my closing times.

I not fear death since I know where I'm going to be (take LOTS of fireblocker with ya). So I ask you to uplift me now at this time, with act of kindness to those who need by me.

Response please soonest and I will forever thankful to you.

Mrs. Rita Adams

*Sniff* *sound of blowing nose into whoopee cushion*

Touching. And totally full of sh**. So leave it to the Skunk to lower hisself accordingly:

Dear Rita Non-Rudner,

I am so sorry to hear this pitiful story of yours. What makes it so pitiful is the fact that you were married for 11 years, and you wound up childless.

Did you know that a scientific study proved* that in the first year of an average marriage, if the male/female couple put a bean in a gallon jar for every time they played "Princess Leia Rides The Light Saber", and then from the second year on, took a bean out every time she did the fireman's pole slide, they'd never empty the jar?

So either he wasn't very busy hidin' the weenie that first year, or....you is one frigid wench. The Titanic would have sunk just sailing past you, without physical contact. Of course, this might well have saved your non-spawn from a life of the furtherance of the business you're trying to give me hyar, rude as that is of me to point out.

Now, to the fiscals...your spousal corpse only manage to put together a pithy $7.2 million USD before his mythical demise? What a slack-jawed welfare couch 'tater. Hell, Rita, he wasn't any better at cash stashin' than you were at separating your legs. Which brings me to your asking me to uplift you...uh-uh, no way. You're the kind that sets the thermostat off just by walking through the room. Al Gore would be screaming about global cooling if he ever met you. Granted, he knew Hillary, but I digress.

The Ice Princess would lay down her title and abdicate for you, shore 'nuff. You get the point, me thinks.

At any rate, the both of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Really. Granted, I've never been to the Solomon Islands, as I doubt you have, but sheesh: I'll bet if given the opportunity to watch coconut trees pollinate or find something else to do, I'd think you and hub-dubby could have accomplished more than self-hand jive, in your case with a banana that's pretty gnarly now.

Rita, Rita, Rita...you disappoint me, really.

I suggest you start ALL OVER, and concoct a much more believable story. Really. This one just don' get it done.

Really.

U. R. Phulovit....really.

Yep....baaaaaaaaad Skunk. Really.