2020 Needs An Edit

 The year 2020 is in the most serious need of an edit.

I'm not holding my breath.

But my pet rock, Seymour, threatened to hold his until I gave him a scammer email to edit.  Haven't done that in a while, I admit.

When I agreed and Seymour exhaled, it blew Element off his perch.

Geologic morning breath is not a thing to be lightly dismissed.

At any rate, Seymour draws an email from yet another US ambassador to Nigeria as his target to edit:

THIS MAIL IS ONLY FOR THE OWNER OF THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS 

Attn; Beneficiary, 

Please i want to inform you that your fund was brought to my desk this

morning because the SECRETARY OF UNITED NATION here in Nigeria said

that they will divert your compensation fund to the Government

Treasury account just because you failed to pay for their fee. 

But i told them to wait until i hear from you today so that i will know the

reason why you rejected such amount of money ( $15,000 000 00 ) which is a

compensation from United Nation and will change your life, I want your

urgent response as soon as you receive this email, however if you are

still interested in this funds then I will advice you to fill your

complete information below and get back to me immediately. 

YOUR COMPLETE CONTACT INFORMATION IS NEEDED CONTACT ME DIRECTLY ONLY ON THIS 

EMAIL BELOW BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONE I CHECK ALWAYS. 

YOUR NAME_______________

YOUR HOME ADDRESS_______

YOUR COUNTRY___________

YOUR AGE/SEX_____________

DIRECT PHONE NUMBER____

YOUR OCCUPATION______

CONTACT ME DIRECTLY ONLY ON THIS E-MAIL: - infor3555@gmail.com

Telephone: 234 8145804687 

I will be waiting to hear from you on this E-MAIL: -

infor3555@gmail.com 

Mr John F. Entwistle.

United States Ambassador to Nigeria

As always, scammers write such convincing email scams.  They probably work at cnn.

Seymour, on the other hand, will never get that chance.  He's got a better chance to write for the Babylon Bee:

From: A wayward door knob licker from Nigeria

Sent: Thursday, September 3, 2020 10:04 AM
Subject: THIS MAIL IS ONLY FOR THE OWNER OF A 1947 BUGATTI ROADSTER WITH CUP HOLDERS 

THIS MAIL IS ONLY FOR THE OWNER OF A 1947 BUGATTI ROADSTER WITH CUP HOLDERS

(though I will make an exception for Yugo owners that have a douche nozzle in the driver seat) 

Please i want to inform you that your name was found etched in an outhouse tree in the nearby woods and was brought to my desk this morning because the TREE FARM SOCIETY OF UNITED NATION here in Nigeria said that you had been expressly forbidden to etch your name in that tree by the Suckretary Genital of the UN.  All because you failed to pay for their fee. 

But i told them to wait until i hear from you today so that i will know the

reason why you rejected maligNANCY’s excuse for running amok and drunk

in a salon in San Crapcisco without a significant improvement in that mug

after leaving the place to Antifa and BLM suckpies.  

Do you realize that if the dnc manages to steal Trump’s erection in 2020,

They’ll be ruining the show nationwide?  It is sure to will change your life

In the worst ways possible (see what’s left of Portland, Minneapolis, Shotcago

And other equally dem-ruined burgs for what to expect).  I want your

urgent response as soon as you receive this email; I need to know just

how much tweaking it’ll need to convince Joe Bidumb that if he debates

a toilet he might have a chance to win if it doesn’t flush during one of his

thought derailments.  Such distractions make him believe he’s sniffing

some pre-teen’s hair. 

YOUR COMPLETE CONTACT INFORMATION IS NEEDED CONTACT ME DIRECTLY ONLY ON THIS

EMAIL BELOW BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONE I CHECK ALWAYS. 

YOUR NAME OR THAT OF SOMEONE YOU LOATHE_______________

YOUR (OR THEIR) HOME ADDRESS_______

YOUR (OR THEIR) COUNTRY___________

YOUR AGE WHEN YOU FIRST DECIDED WHAT SEX RACHEL MADCOW WAS IMITATING_____________

DIRECT PHONE NUMBER____

YOUR OCCUPATION UNLESS YOU HAVE A REAL JOB______

CONTACT ME DIRECTLY ONLY ON THIS E-MAIL: - infor3555@gmail.com

Telephone: 234 8145804687 

I will be waiting to hear from you on this E-MAIL: -

infor3555@gmail.com 

Mr John F. Bentthistle

A wayward door knob licker from Nigeria

Nothing much has changed in ScamLand:  no response from the so-called 'ambassador' to Seymour's editing prowess.  He's probably trying to find out how Seymour knew he licked door knobs.