David Seville Would Be Proud

Then again...'prolly not.

The reason for his reference will come to some of you, perhaps.

The scam template of the dying widow wanting to will an intended victim some inheritance funds is long and badly overplayed out of internet cafes rife with scammers in the Third World.

And from the DNC.

Here's a typical one:

Apostolic Greetings to you from Mrs.Helen Smith,

Dearest in the Lord,

With due Respect and Humanity I am willing to send you the sum of three million five hundred thousand dollars as a volunteer projects to accomplish my vow. I, Mrs Helen Smith, 63 years old without a child, married to late Mr. Michael Smith who was an ambassador before he died of a Cardiac Arteries Operation, Presently my doctor said that I may not be able to last for a long period of time due to Cancer of the breast and Kidney including Pneumonia. Kindly reply me back as soon as possible together with your personal details to proceed further for the sending of the fund immediately. 

Please always remember me in your daily prayers.

Thanks and waiting your quick response.

God bless us,

Mrs Helen Smith  

 

 

It's meant to draw an "awwwww" followed by misguided gullibility.

 

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

 

Here's what it drew here instead...an edit:

 

 

Infected butt polyp Greetings to you from Mrs.Helen Smith

Dearest in the outhouse pit of a goat head baphomet representing the Nigerian Illuminincompoops,

Without due Respect and Humanity I am willing really REALLY hard an authentic water buffalo turd to send you as a token of my ignorance and Third World folly. I, Mrs Helen Smith, 63 years old without a child -- I was a man until I turned 55 -- married to late Mr. Michael Smith who only recently figured out why I physically resembled a Ken doll.  That's when he died of a Cardiac triggered by his breaking his winkee trying to sex with someone with no female anatomy. Presently my witch doctor said "ooo ee ee, ooo ah ah, bing bam, walla walla bing bang", and suddenly I received in the mail a vagina hat and an invitation to march in the 2018 Genitals March on Washington DC. 

 

I don't know where that is.  But this hat is...peculiar. A tribe of nearby primates keep trying to have sex with it.

 

I may not be able to last for a long period of time due to my trying a Tesla battery-operated dildo that was accidentally set on high, and it went through my took-the-dick-off-me region and exited my anus in a rather vigorous manner.  Wowza.  I guess a pink bunny battery would have been better.

Kindly reply me back as soon as possible and try not to laugh when doing so. 

Please always remember me in your daily horoscope as the person most likely born under the sign of Gorkus (two buzzards colliding in mid-air).

Thanks and waiting your quick response.

Cursed are those who fart in a full elevator and get off first,

Mrs Helen Smith  

 

At least this scammer wasn't so sick that after reading my character's edit, they didn't bother with a reply.

 

Good job, David.  That witch doctor knowd.