A Fitting Post For The Day

If penguins co-habituated with polar bears, I reckon this would be on a penguin's fantasy bucket list.

Unless he knows how to fly.

I know that some readers are not amused when, in my replies to scammers, I employ an overload of colorful metaphors.  My bad.

I just think some scammers are wholly deserving of clarity of opinion.

Like this one, who titled his email Glory God:

Very Urgent Attention: My authorized and willed Beneficiary,

I wish to inform you that a diplomatic agent carrier with the consignment boxes valued the sum of $12.5 Million United States Dollars has misplaced your address and he is currently stranded at your International airport right now. He requires you to re-confirm the following informations bellow urgently so that he can deliver the consignments containing the funds to your door step immediately.
 
NAME:----
ADDRESS:----
MOBILE :-----
A COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION :-----
 
Please do contact the diplomatic carrier at once through the email below with the in formations required above.
Contact Person: Dr James Dosa.
EMAIL:(Djames.dosa@diplomats.com)
 
NOTE: The Carrier does not know the content of the consignments worth of $12.5 Million United States Dollars. No condition or circumstances should you let him know either. The consignments as you can see one of them on the photo attached was moved from here as family treasures to you as the inheritor. So do as I have said right now

Thanks.
Papa Almeida M.  

 

 

How nice.  Nicely full of sh*t.

 

I think that my character's reply may have conveyed a snippet of that opinion:

 

 

What good is the stupid mother**ker if he can't remember a simple address?  fire the f**k and get a drone.  

 

 

Any reply was good enough for a dialogue with this nincompoop:

 

 

Dear Jack,

Thank you very much for your responds. The diplomat Dr James Dosa has a repatriating back and the deposit I have made it secured and safe in the bank in Europe waiting for your reply. Listen I must admit that this relationship will lead us both far in life. I have been busy with office work as a director of Operation with my bank and you must know this is secret between us. So please on a very serious note, keep and seal this deal between me and you. I discovered this abandon funds in my bank knowing fully well the depositor is involved in accident and had no relative or next of Kin. It is only Almighty God, the lord of all know my heart intention is for you to benefit from the blessing. As for the ratio, 35% for you and 65% for me or you forget it and I will look for another partner to handle this deal.

You have everything proof to be assured this is legitimate.Please right now, no time to delay as we have to move straight in getting the 12.5 Million US Dollars funds will be transfering by bank to bank there in the U S while I will qiut office to come over.

 

Please I need your international passport,drivers license or ID scan on attachment,telephone number and address send to me urgently so we can then step forward to the bank in Europe for the due legal transfer process into your account.  All documents are intact with me, take note.

Please call me as you send the request. Private telephone +229 69526965

Yours faithfully.

Mr. Michel A.Sabath

 

 

LOL...he liked my responds.  And I love how his name changes.  And will continue to.  Meantime, more colorfully metaphoric responds:

 

 

You found my email address.  With a little bit of work, you can find the rest.  If you can't, then doing a deal with you isn't f**king worth it.  

 

 

Despite how full of crap he realizes that I know him to be, Mr. Nameshifter keeps trying:

 

 

Jack,Good morning once again and how are you today.Hope fine?.

Thank you very much for your responds in the first place whether good or bad one. Anyway, I appreciate your anger expressed as a sign of high sense of maturity, intelligence, experience and understanding displayed in your message, although you used the language of total doubts and uncertainty. Well you see my dear friend, your approach and your friendly manner gave me the impression to consider writing you again.

I am not annoyed or provoked about comment because you might really have reasons but I am assuring you 100% with all my heart that this is for real business not jokes.. I only want you as a foreigner to come and work with me in rescuing this abandoned inheritance for the benefit of our both families than allowing our government to divert it if discovered. I know considering the high rate of injustice of man to man, Insincerity, victimization ,Indiscipline, Violent Crimes, Political Snugger y, Oppression, Fear, Insecurity, Corruption, fraudulent activities e.t.c going around the whole world now, yes I am aware the bad eggs has made it impossible and very hard to recognize the good ones but remember one thing in mind that the greatest mountain in life is personal ignorance. Small minds are the first to condemn great ideas. I have always known that the kind of people that always fail in life are people that listen to everybody. Your mind set should determines your life setting. Success is a product of idea. As an educated person, you should listen to your conscience, it is the key to real success and stop following public opinion which is capable of running your future.

Winners always see the strength of God Almighty our creator in battles but losers see the stature of men. Do you know that a man or woman’s greatness lies in his power of thought?. Victory will surely go to the one who never quits.. All achievements that you see have their beginning with critism or something else just like this our own now, so do not always listen to hear-say information. Most people wish for riches, but few provide the definite plan and the burning desire which pave their road to wealth.

My dear friend, bear in mind that he or she who looks into this future with the eyes of fear will see nothing but failer. What you hear determines how you think, how you think determines how you behave and how you behave determines what you becomes. Our future is too good to be ignored. Only fools make permanent decisions without knowledge .Now the diplomat has been repatriated and the consignments register under safe keeping in security company in the Netherlands off which i have given you contact for you to reach the officials and verify. I only wanted for you to provide account and work with me to keep the deposit money after transferred into your account while I prepare to come over for sharing and investment in your country.

But if really search your mind and finally decide not to humble yourself and assist, for the last time let me know in return so that I will look for another person. I am happy that the price of freedom is eternal vigilance. God bless you.

Sincerely,

Mr Michel.  

 

 

I like how he tries to flatter my character while belittling him at the same time, and all the while trying to win ol' Jack over to being scam-able with this sleazy missive. 

 

It pleasures my character to let him know that he failed:

 

 

I am gratified to read that despite the alleged anger as you saw it in my reply, you find it highly mature, intelligent and experienced.

F**king "a" right it is.

In factuality, your email does not anger me a bit.  I was most calm and lucid of mind and serene of spirit when I replied to your email.  I just happen to be serenely blunt in expression when confronted with the email equivalent of a jackwagon load of inert compost.

This would be your email I am referring to.

'Glory God' is a hilarious way for you to start out an obvious and 3rd rate email scam.  So God doesn't really mind when I employ some colorful metaphors to tell you how f**king full of sh*t you are.  And f**king full of sh*t you truly are.  God sees it.  I see it.  You and your f**king full of sh*t peers at your fly infested internet cafe know it to be true.

So in the spirit of quality email communication and the clarity of the message, F**k off, Plunger Lips.  But have a nice day doing it.  

 

 

With the glory off his notion of God, Mr. Nameshifter petulantly conceded that he'd met a "swing and a miss" on this one:

 

 

Jack you are apparent a small mind that I have make a great offer to but you don't see the opportunity for what it is.  Your choose of words are making of your small mind.  Good by.

Mr. Almeida M. 

 

 

Yes, when it comes to insignificant online twerps with dubious spell checkers and lousy scam templates, I do have a tendency toward being small-minded.  Saves me lots of money, which isn't in keeping with your scam.  I'm even so small-minded as to suggest to your nincompoop self that if you re-read our complete exchange, you might begin to sense why you fail so abjectly at this third rate scam of yours.  Then again, I doubt you'll sense it, what with your mind being smaller than you suggest mine is.  But go ahead...see if you can see the obvious and repetitive gaffe in your emails.  I'll play the *Jeopardy Theme* while you mull it over.

 

 

It would take more loops in that theme than I have, 'cuz Mr. Nameshifter never bothered to further the engagement.