Friday, March 9, 2018

Just When You Thought There Were No More Awards

A few days back -- unwilling to lower myself to such a point -- I made my pet rock, Seymour, watch the false narrative politics and narcissism on parade at the Oscars.

"Yeah...PHFFFFFFFFT!!!"

I knew better than to waste my time.  Seymour should have.

Then again, I should have knowd better than to have a pet rock watch anything as dismal as the 2018 Oscars were.

Cuz I heard that tell-tale *TOING* that Seymour is so well known for, when he gets an idea.

Seymour thinks it's high time for his own award...the Seymours:

"Is NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

I rather thought it was in keeping with the Hollyweird fads.

At any rate, Seymour doesn't really have anything quite so statuesque as an Oscar.  He's thinking of using this for his first awards post:

"Am NOT!!!"

We'll sort out the details on the statue later, hopefully in a manure to keep people from cornfusing the rapidly falling interest in the Oscars with something new and different...like the Seymours. 


Meantime, Seymour has some 2018 awards to present. 

He begins with the bestest hosts that take him in when I get tired of him trying to order pizza and Chinese food when I'm not here ("PHFFFFFFFFT!!!").  After reviewing his list, I tend to agree that there is simply no way that one person can dominate in this category.  There have been a few.  So, for the first ever Seymour Awards for Bestest Host/Hostess of Himself, Seymour awards by geography:

CA:  Sandee
Japan/Ohio:  Amy
Texas:  Monica/Albert
Arkansas:  Cyndy
North Carolina:  Cora/Pixie
Virginia/Washington DC:  Janine Lynn
W. Virginia:  Jennie
Loveland CO:  Judy/Rick/Iz, three horses, two cows, two dogs and a squeeze toy named Barney  


Seymour then continues with his list of fondly recalled (for the most part) exs:

IA/Japan:  Jane



TX:  Windy


CA:  Julia Sandstone

...so it can be said that not all of Seymour's exs live in Texas...

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!"


Seymour has been to many great places, and for some of those venues, he has this series of 2018 Seymours to award:


Shiriashi Island, Japan, home of the Moooo! Bar and it's always gracious and funny moostis, Amy.

Seymour doing DC with Janine Lynn as his hostess, guide and keeping him out of subject material for a future Supreme Court case.

Seymour battening down the hatches whilst yachting off the Califorlornia coast with Sandee..and of course, keeping boating regulations in mind..

Seymour rocking it in style on a porch in Arkansas with Cyndy.

Seymour sidling up to some home made 'hootch' in West Virginia with Jennie.

..and playing doctor while his host was a tad under the weather in the West Virginia hills.

Seymour visiting geologic cousins in North Carolina with Cora and Pixie.

Seymour has a special category for the most unusual non persons he's had the pleasure to meet, and therein is a tie between Renny:


...and Flat Stanley:


Seymour also awards two of the most scenic places he has been.  First, Shiriashi Island, Japan:


And Washington DC, where Seymour saw both the sights:


...and the frights:


"EWWWWWWWW...why'd you have to remind me?"

Seymour also has a special honorary category that I have to admit to being just a tad bit envious of.  The 2018 Seymour Award to the most prestigious person to request to link to Seymour on LinkedIn goes to...Mock, of Chicks on the Right:


..true story.  Mock actually sent Seymour a link request...he almost fainted ("did NOT!!!").  He loves her laugh.  Then again, Seymour's pretty enamored of Daisy, Hannah and Kimber, too.

Finally, in this first ever Seymour Awards, Seymour gives a Seymour to who he says is, by far and above, the bestest editor of email scams, ever....

...himself???

"Danged right!!!"

That's fine..I see here that you have a Best Supporting Editor of Email Scams Award, and that you've given that to....Jack N EWEHOFF???

"Yeah..so?"

Hmmphf.  So your long-time host, right here, who sends you on world travel at no expense to you, didn't rate a 2018 Seymour?

"Well...yeah, you did...Most Likely To Clear An Elevator When He Farts".

"See?  Even Godzilla agrees".

Mebbe we'll nip this Seymour Award thing in the bud for 2019...

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"




 

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

I love you Seymour and this post made me smile. Smile very big too.

Have a fabulous day my perfect rock friend. My best to your dad and Element. ☺

09 March, 2018 09:19  

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