Monday, February 15, 2010

Who Dat?


I'm sure you thought this was gonna be a post about the New Orleans Saints.
*Buzzer*...I said all about that subject in comments on another blog, that I need to. Good game, with one team winning, one team losing, and a butt-cheek-load of pundits spinning their own respective psychoanalyses of the results.
No, what's coming h'yar is more pathetic and ludicrous.
It hasn't always been online scammers that I've had fun with and made light of. And it hasn't always been me, doing the "making light of". After all, I got conned into peeing on an electric fence in my very youth. Wasn't always the sharpest pencil in the box.
And in many ways, never will be ;-)
I have a bit of prankster in me. One rule of thumb I stick to: if I can't handle it being done to me, I don't do thus unto others. Most times, I plan a prank with some aforethought to that principle.
But once in a while, I'm a "spur of the moment" opportunist.
A former acquaintance and coworker of mine at work -- in another department -- was plainly NOT one of the sharpest pencils in the box. While she acted like one of those text-book blondes from the running jokes on same, she was an Italian-tempered brunette. But at times, she made the blondes in the jokes look positively Mensa.
One evening at work, I was doing what I was actually paid to do, when she stopped to chat with me about whatever it was she chatted about (it started out as an inquiry asto what I was doing, and it went downhill from there). During the course of which, she called me by a name not my own. Eh. In casual circumstances, I don't pay much mind to such, and didn't bother correcting her. The next several encounters, she called me by the same name. Again, eh.
But about a month later, she came up to me, clearly peeved:
"Why didn't you TELL ME that I was calling you the WRONG NAME?" For something that I wasn't that concerned about, she seemed genuinely annoyed. Knowing that she was sometimes easily-led down an obfuscational trail, I decided to indulge the little *TOING* flaw in my character:
"I didn't correct you 'cuz it doesn't matter. I answer to anything".
Here's a paraphrased recap of what followed (her in bold, me in italics):
That's ridiculous...your name is (my real name).
No...I don't have a *real* name in that sense. I answer to anything.
Stop it...of course you have a real name. My friends told me.
Your friends told you what THEY call me. That's not my real name.
Well...*somewhat exasperated sigh*...what IS your real name then?
I told you..I answer to anything. I don't have a *real* name.
That's nonsense! Everyone has a REAL NAME!
Not me. My parents were free-spirited, and wanted me to be the same.
I don't get it...
My parents encouraged me to be independent of labels, so I could call myself whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. A name is just a label. I am not stuck to a label.
But how can you work here, without a real name?
Well, for THOSE purposes, I have a *given* name...but day to day, I answer to whatever I want.
Really? I..I've never heard of that before...
Oh sure...like you know how Frank Zappa calls his kids Moonbat and Dweeb..
He does?
Yep...
So...(I am really struggling to keep a straight face at this point)..so what can I call you?
Whatever you want. It's okay with me.
Can I keep calling you (the name she started calling me)?
Sure....
Thankfully, she walked off before I lost my composure. I went on to tell my 'back of the house' cohorts what I'd done, to their utter delight. And this person -- her first name was Pam -- became known in our tight little venue as "Pam-alama-dingdong".
Yeah, I know...but I wasn't the only one feeding her lines of crap that she, and only she, was actually buying. Long as my ticket to Heckydarnpoo was already punched, I reckoned I might as well enjoy the pre-travel preparations and upgrade my seating, too.
Finally, someone got around to convincing her that I had been yanking her chain right along, and she was absolutely furious with me. And when she finally allowed herself to speak to me, she informed me that "I just can't believe what you did...you are NOT a nice person, and I can't believe a word you say!".
Dang me...dang me...I heard that *TOING* again:
"Pam, I understand fully how you feel, and don't blame you at all. You really can't believe anything I say, because I don't believe anything I say. I can't control it. It's an inherent flaw in my character".
Like I said, *TOING*. After a few moments of this kind of back and forth, I got this from a now sympathetic Pam:
You poor man...have you thought about getting help? I mean, you don't really MEAN to lie all the time, do you?
I kept this newly-struck vein going for five minutes, and for yet another day, as a friend of mine would tell me later that Pam felt "really bad for me, and thinks I'm a decent guy, apart from my problem".
When this line of crap finally got explained to her, we were back to "I can't believe you did that to me!". And I was back to "well, I can believe it...I can't help myself!".
It's been about 6 years now, since I last had the chance to get her from "No way" to "Really?".
Can one now see why the online scammers I play with, never had a chance?
Ding dong...ding dong.
Not that there won't be future 'electric fence urinations' equivalents in my own future. As I freely admit, I'm not the sharpest pencil in the box, either.
*phzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzst*

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11 Comments:

Blogger Sueann said...

Poor girl!!! I don't think she will ever be the same again. As if she ever was sane in the first place? But she did walk right into it! Yes!? She is something else. And you had way too much fun!
LOL!
Hugs
SueAnn

15 February, 2010 03:55  
Blogger Jack K. said...

I think you handled the situation quite well. You allowed her to come to whatever conclusions she chose.

As for the switch from "No way" to "Really", I find it amusing when someone replies with "Really" after I have told them something. My usual response is, "No, I just made that up."

snerx.

15 February, 2010 05:47  
Blogger Andy said...

Yeah, what Jack K. said. "Really?"

Skunks, about the best I ever did was when I was about 30 years old, and in the best shape of my life...I convinced the whole adult Sunday School class that I attended that I was 45. I had the whole thing down...the year I graduated high school, my favorite pop groups in high school, etc.

I was the envy of all the other guys that actually were in their 40's for several weeks. "Man...how do you stay in such good shape? How do you keep so fit and youthful?" Blah blah blah...

I know it's not hilariously funny, but it seemed like it at the time. I finally let 'em off the hook, and surprisingly they weren't ticked off at all. Relieved, yes, upset, no.

15 February, 2010 06:20  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

Andy, I have a voice that pains me to use, but it sounds a lot like ET. I would use that voice over the radio at work a few years back, and it drove one of the staff stark raving nuts, because he could not figure out who was doing it. He accused me a couple times, and all I did was give him the "you've GOT to be kidding" look and said in my normal voice, "c'mawn...how does a dude sounding like this, sound like what you're claiming you hear? ET? Me? Get real". He remained annoyed and unable to solve the mystery until a couple years ago, when, as I was leaving our office, I turned and used that ET voice in parting. His jaw hit the ground, followed by..."I KNEW IT!"...and then followed by him calling me names for not fessing up a couple years sooner ;)

My bad.

15 February, 2010 07:39  
Blogger Little Lamb said...

I have a coworker like that, that doesn't give you the answer you expect. I find him entertaining but everybody else finds him annoying.

15 February, 2010 07:56  
Blogger Unknown said...

That is way too funny. I've been known to pull someone's leg on occasion, myself--but you far out-class me! lol

15 February, 2010 08:25  
Blogger Sandee said...

I've known lots of gals like Pam. I've known lots of guys like Pam too. Fun to play with for sure.

Have a terrific day. :)

15 February, 2010 10:21  
Blogger Right Truth said...

I can't believe someone can be that stupid. You could have years of fun with her, ha.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

15 February, 2010 14:00  
Blogger Lawyer Mom said...

She sounds a lot like that professor from Alabama. Oh dear!

15 February, 2010 19:14  
Blogger Unspoken said...

I should have known you would do this in more than the blogosphere :)! Too funny!

16 February, 2010 19:06  
Blogger Serena said...

LOL! Alas, I suspect there's probably a Pam in every box.:)

17 February, 2010 06:10  

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