Wednesday, October 7, 2009

A New Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest


October 4, 2009 -- AAP, Washington DC
The Centers for Disease Control confirmed today, through unnamed sources, that yet another strain of influenza has surfaced in the current flu season. This new strain is reportedly exceptionally virulent, and has medical experts and the general public extremely concerned about containing it before it spreads beyond where it has already been identified to have taken hold.
Unnamed sources report that the strain -- dubbed HUA1, and nicknamed the "stupid flu" -- has reached pandumbic proportions in the Washington DC beltway, and is sweeping the halls of Congress and nearby media haunts with a strain renders those infected with symptoms that include delusion, chronic ineptness, laziness, arrogance and simpering incompetence. Worse, exposure to those so infected makes others sick, just seeing what they're doing while in session.
The CDC reports a vaccine is available, but it has been outlawed in the Beltway area -- common sense. Efforts are being made to slip in the serum, but it is being met with resistance from the White House and the leaders of Venezuela, Iran, Libya, NoKo, Berkeley and the Peoples' Repugnant of Massachusetts.
The CDC recommends a strict quarantine by the voters, to cumulate in throwing the lot of them out of Congress in November, 2010, so that the those august halls may be fumigated and purged of all possible re-infections of HUA1.
Unnamed sources also confirm that administration press secretary Baghdad Bob Gibbs is stricken with a particularly virulent case of HUA1, along with most of the operating staffs of CNN and MSNBC.
The CDC advises that the best way to avoid being infected with the HUA1 virus is to follow standard sanitation practices, avoid the DC Beltway during the current pandumbic, and avoid letting your daughters intern for David Letterman, at least until he finds and staples shut his pants.
This has been a public soivice announcement. You may return to your regular blogging.

8 Comments:

Blogger Herb said...

A very important service you have provided for us.

07 October, 2009 06:26  
Blogger The Things We Carried said...

What would we do without you here to let us in on the news as soon as you got it yourself?

Berkley!!

07 October, 2009 10:57  
Anonymous Leeuna said...

Hahaaaaaa. I was wondering what HUA1 meant then I looked at the picture above and figured it out. Yeah. There's a pandemic alright. It's everywhere.

07 October, 2009 22:41  
Blogger ChristinaJade said...

I have heard of this new strain...I believe they are also calling it, "CRANIAL RECTALITIS."

07 October, 2009 22:52  
Blogger Debbie said...

That's priceless. It's an epidemic and we need to act fast to save ourselves!

"The CDC advises that the best way to avoid being infected with the HUA1 virus is to follow standard sanitation practices, avoid the DC Beltway during the current pandumbic, and avoid letting your daughters intern for David Letterman, at least until he finds and staples shut his pants."

Good one. Letterman's numbers are way up, but I'm wondering how long this will last. Also it says something about his viewers, that they would applaud and increase simply because he broke the rules and ha sex with not one, but several, of his subordinates. He's a creep. His wife should have had a pre-nup that if he cheated she could divorce him and take half of everything he has.

Deborah F. Hamilton
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

08 October, 2009 06:17  
Blogger Sniffles and Smiles said...

I am roaring over your remarks and Debbie's as well...pandumbic!!!! That's priceless...and this may all have to make its way into my everyday vocabulary!!! Have I said it before? You NEED to write a political column for some national publication!! Hugs, Janine

08 October, 2009 12:59  
Blogger Mayden' s Voyage said...

"pandumbic"

Brilliant :)
Hugs!

08 October, 2009 17:40  
Blogger Behold a Red Horse said...

LOL city has a new mayor. You!

08 October, 2009 20:54  

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