Monday, October 12, 2009

The 2010 Nobel Winner Is...


My pet rock, Seymour!
WTF???
Yep.
Learning recently how little one need do to be nominated for -- let alone win -- a Nobel, made Seymour all excited and expectant. After all, Seymour has long been a proponent of peace.
Well yes, he's been a proponent of that kind of "piece" as well, now that Jane and he are officially "divorced", but I digress and that's for another time.
With the recent news of the further, uh, "easing" of standards applied to Nobel Peace Prize nominations and awards, it occurred to me that now was an excellent time to step up for 2010, and get as good a nominee before the Nomination Committee as possible. So after visiting their online site and obtaining an email address, I promptly dispatched the following to The Nobel Prize Committee:
Dear Nobels,
I was so moved by the continued easing of the standards in your nomination/winner selection process, that I finally must speak up and submit to you a nominee that, based on the standards of 2009, simply and logically MUST be your choice for the Peace Prize in 2010. A nominee that has made peace the very center of his entire existence. One who dreams of peace locally, regionally, nationally, globally, and even cosmically. And toward this dream, he labors as only he can, to make his dream a stellar reality in perpetuity.
From the days he learned of the true nature (and fate) of his brethren of the Persides Meteor Shower, my pet rock, Seymour, has been all about bringing divergent elements together in harmonious convergence and co-existant tranquillity. While folks flocked to the box office to watch Tea Leoni catch the ultimate wave in Deep Impact, Seymour took a harder, more far-reaching look at the relationship of Man and geology, and concluded that there simply must BE another way. After all, why should asteroids try to eradicate Man? Why should Man try to incinerate asteroids, especially with nuclear missiles? It's all about, in the words of the great philosopher of peace, Rodney King, "just getting along", isn't it?
Seymour actively seeks to protect space geology from being brutally savaged by the unforgiving upper atmosphere of Earth, and is working with the labs and other breeds at Bonco, UnInc., in designing the equivalent of an atmospheric "nerph" shield, one that will gently, harmlessly, allow errant asteroids to avoid the flaming finale of inadvertent contact; at the same time, Seymour seeks to protect a simple-minded cosmic leviathan wayfarer, peacefully meandering forever after in the ultimate nature's space walk, from being a victim of a NASA overkill. One that shatters asteroidal identities and integrity. One that tears geologic families asunder. Imagine the countless parental asteroids, floating by helplessly and witnessing their navigationally-challenged prodigies becoming searing, screaming fireballs in the atmosphere of a most unforgiving planet. Imagine the tears of anguish and the deep sense of loss experienced. All because their young 'roids aren't up to speed on the natural laws of Hawking, Einstein and AlGore.
Seymour will not rest until he has achieved peaceful co-existence here. On this, he is adamant.
Seymour is also working hard on the diplomatic front as well, since this is a particular element that you, the committee, so covets in lieu of actual results. Seymour is working not only to reverse a recent celestial wrong, one that cost a member our solar system their planetary status; but also to have officially redesignated, the planet located between Saturn and Neptune, so as to relieve not only that planet of the embarrassment of being named for an orifice, but also with an eye toward preventing a future cosmic war, and all of the associated failures that this would represent in the evolution of peace, when the planet of concern and it's aggrieved populace get word of what we have thoughtlessly called them all this time.
Granted, Seymour hasn't accomplished any of these ends as yet; but as your latest Nobel winner exemplifies, results aren't as important as lofty pronouncements and wispy sound bytes delivered via teleprompter. And I ask you, Nobel Peace Prize Committee, where can YOU, or ANYONE, find any pronouncements more lofty and noble (see what I just did there?), than those of my highlighted and very high-minded pet rock, Seymour?
I will, of course, welcome and be most gratified to receive your early affirmation to this nomination request. And I can assure you, Seymour will be most humbled and rededicated to the fulfillment of his diplomatic and peace-loving aspirations. It is, after all, clear that you value aspirations over measurable achievement in the 21st Century.
Sincerely
As soon as I receive the Nobel Peace Prize Nomination Committee's affirmative response to the greatest possible candidate for 2010, I will post it here. On this you may rest assured.
*snort*
Yes, I know...there's a chance that Seymour will lose out to Osama bin Laden, or that peace-loving duet of Ahmadinejad and Hugo Chavez. If he does...I hope Norway likes asteroids. Seymour is rumored to have some connections.

13 Comments:

Blogger Little Lamb said...

Hooray for Seymour!

This almost looks like a word. This is from your word verification.

vacquil

Evidently I got it wrong and have to ddo it again.

12 October, 2009 06:15  
Blogger Andy said...

Nyuk! I wonder how many e-mails the Nobel Foundation has received for "nominations."

I'll wager that yours stands out though, Skunks. Not just everybody has a cosmic-conscious-peacenik pet rock like Seymour.

I can't wait for the response. Truth is, there's probably not anyone in their office that will "get it."

12 October, 2009 07:13  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

I expect, if anything, a response that sounds like the Swedish Chef from the Muppets ;)

12 October, 2009 07:46  
Blogger Cheffie-Mom said...

Go Seymour go!! He has my vote!! LOL!!

12 October, 2009 09:11  
Blogger Sandee said...

Well Seymour is just as qualified. Bwahahahahahaha. Okay, I've got to say that I'm embarrassed by the latest peace prize. I thought you actually had to do something first. Just saying.

Have a terrific day. :)

12 October, 2009 09:51  
Blogger The Things We Carried said...

Granted, Seymour hasn't accomplished any of these ends as yet; but as your latest Nobel winner exemplifies, results aren't as important as lofty pronouncements and wispy sound bytes delivered via teleprompter.

You said it well! Fortunately the standards for the Nobel Peace Prize have been lowered significantly enough to make your Seymour a contender. Perhaps Seymour should run for office!

12 October, 2009 10:31  
Blogger Serena said...

Well, of course Seymour will win. How could he not?!:)

12 October, 2009 14:07  
Blogger Monica said...

I knew Seymour was special way back when. He certainly has brought a greater understanding to me about rocks having feelings. I can truly call him a special friend which is not something I can call too many "higher ups" after the way I found out first hand our vets are treated.

12 October, 2009 15:56  
Blogger ChristinaJade said...

Seymour can, and WILL, have his own Nobel Peace Prize! Only if he is a Democrat of Independent - http://www.nobelpeaceprizegenerator.com/

13 October, 2009 00:19  
Blogger ChristinaJade said...

Christina spelling FAIL! That should have been "Democrat OR Independent."

13 October, 2009 00:20  
Blogger Debbie said...

Well the Pet Rock deserves the award more than Obama.

Deborah F. Hamilton
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

13 October, 2009 10:21  
Anonymous Leeuna said...

Wait! Seymour and Jane are divorced?? Were there any little pebbles involved? I so hope he is awarded the Nobel.

13 October, 2009 16:36  
Blogger A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Skunk, under current standards, Seymour totally deserves it. Just going through the divorce -- that in itself . . . I mean, golly gee.

But sadly we have had worthy nominees for this prize. When they were up for it, I would have called it an honor.

Take Irena Sendler who smuggled 2500+ Jewish infants and children out of Poland during the Nazi occupation and got her legs broken in punishment. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2007/mar/15/secondworldwar.poland

Oh, wait. Sorry. She did something. Just wasn't thinking. Leaving now to go have my V8.

13 October, 2009 17:47  

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