Jupiter Gets A Boo-Boo

*Is this a rant, or an off-the-wall aside of thrice-concussed observation? This blogger reports; you decide*

When the news reports surfaced about the planet Jupiter this week -- that it was hit by an "Earth-sized object" that left an "Earth-sized hole" in it's atmosphere -- it was quickly swallowed up in news coverage by a hellth care and cap 'n tax scam unfolding in Congress, and a haughty Harvard professor teaching the world to shriek in stupid hystrionics.

But thank God for Brian Williams of NBC.

While I was secretly listening to that hated mode of information dissemination -- talk radio -- it was reported by one pundit* that Brian Williams actually did report on this episode on or after July 25, 2009. And he allegedly had a line in the report that was classic: "and there's nothing anyone can do about it".

"There's nothing anyone can do about it"?

Did Brian really say this?

My first thought was...."Brian...DOH...what was someone SUPPOSED TO DO about it?" Maybe Earth First and Greenpeace will schedule a "JupAid" concert somewhere, so Bob Geldorf and Bono can sing the praises of helping affected Jupiterians by singing about their plight? It's worked well for Darfur.

Or were Robert Duvall and Tea' Leoni supposed to sacrifice themselves to stop whatever-it-was from hitting Jupiter, in a clandestinely-built rocket ship that Morgan Freeman secretly commissioned with the Russians?

It worked better in the movie.

It's not like it was a slow news week, but Brian, Brian, Brian...fire Dan Rather's former text writer. Can't you see what it got Dan?

Then it (tried to) hit me: somewhere, in some private jet that's creating a carbon footprint the size of a "Earth-sized object", the darling of the enviroids -- AlGore -- is hearing about this, and preparing to increase his stock portfolio of carbon offset scams by going to obscure places to wreck their weather and proclaim from the mountain top, "Jupiter is the victim of human-caused global warming". Meantime, White House (de)press secretary Baghdad Bob Gibbs will tell the media and the jedi mistress muppet Helen Thomas, that the cosmic catastrophy on Jupiter is a problem that the president inherited from James Garfield.

Which Helen Thomas will be able to testify to.

I'm sure the conspiracy theorists will weigh in with their own notions: the "Earth-sized object" is actually a rocket, launched clandestinely from Dick Cheney's secrety Wyoming wilderness hideout, chocked full of all the incriminating evidence of Dubya's, Reagan's, Nixon's, Eisenhower's and Teddy Roosevelt's guilt in staging everything and anything bad over the past century and a half, including the disastrous changing of the Coca Cola formula. That should be good enough to get Moron.org, the HuffPo, Bela Pelosi and Al Sharpton started about appointing an "independent prosecutor" to look into the allegation with claims that "it's the seriousness of the charge" that warrants review.

But, in the end, cooler heads will prevail at an Antarctic outhouse near someone, when they determine that Marvin Martian had his aludium Q36 explosive space modulator returned to him by a waskily wabbit, and even an idiot like Chris Matthews will refrain from reporting that, unless he can blame it on Sarah Palin or Toby Keith.

But NASA and those who operate the Hubble telescope, know what hit Jupiter, leaving an "Earth-sized object" hole in the atmosphere there.

It was a copy of HR 3200, leaked by a Twitterer from the White House. All 1200 gobbledy-gook pages of it.

Marvin would have preferred his lit aludium Q36 explosive space modulator, I reckon.

* The Weekend with Mike McConnell, 7-26-09