Friday, September 26, 2008

PETA At Their Breast

If the photo at the right were a simple multiple choice question: Who gets milked in this photo?, the great majority of us would probably select (a) the four legged one on the left, right?
Yep. But PETA ain't in the great majority. They'd opt for (b) the two-legged one on the right.
As Dave Barry is fond of saying, I am not making this up: PETA wants Ben 'n Jerry's -- the northeastern ice cream et al makers -- to stop using cow's milk in their confectionaries, and replace it with breast milk. Human breast milk.
In PETA's eyes, all this milk we humans pirate from cows has an unfair impact on all those calves; besides, it's abusive to cows to milk them for all they're worth, for the benefit of humans.
And besides, they point out: breast milk is best for humans.
My own first thought on this was, what a bunch of boobs....*TOING*
I haven't yet heard how Ben and Jerry have responded to this, though it's doubtful they'll switch their party registration just yet, though PETA might have them thinking about it for the first time. But let's say, for the sake of making PETA feel like they've finally suggested something that people outside of their tiny universe of drug burn-outs will listen to, that Ben and Jerry take this suggestion to heart, or at least physically close thereabouts. How do they replace the millions of gallons of dairy milk that goes into their operation, with millions of gallons of mother's milk?
I'm almost but not quite red-faced, pondering the options.
And if they manage to completely overhaul their operations to make such a substitution, how many new flavor names of product are likely? Ben 'n Jerry's Mother, Jugs and Speed Ice Cream? Ben 'n Jerry's Bountiful Bosum Frozen Yogurt? Ben 'n Jerry's Morgana's Big Suckle Surprise? Ben 'n Jerry's Dolly Parten's Big Pistachio? Ben 'n Jerry's Melts In Your Mouth and Your Mammogram Lemon Meringue? Ben 'n Jerry's Mouth Buster Parfait? Ben 'n Jerry's Twin Purple Mountains of Majestic Rocky Road? Ben 'n Jerry's Madonna's Carmel Cleavage With A Nip of...Somethin' er other? Ben 'n Jerry's Topless Cherry Ripple? Or a special Ben 'n Jerry's "Are They Real?", specially formulated for a new Ben and Jerry's silly-cone?
Personally, were I Ben or Jerry, I'd be telling PETA where they can put their suggestion; then again, the idea of the collection operation does have it's alluring aspects...
*ducking boos and throwd breast pumps*


Blogger Herb said...

Yeah, they are a bunch of boobs, all right. It just shows their stupidity again. It is a joke to milk for all you can, though ... er ... I'll be going now

26 September, 2008 05:00  
Blogger Two Dogs said...

When I first saw this article, I dropped my head and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that humanity has indeed jumped the shark.

I believe that I am going to change my classification to something other than human.

26 September, 2008 07:49  
Blogger Mayden' s Voyage said...

I, I, I...
I'm just shaking my head here.
But the "Silly-cone" idea is brilliant. All the members of PETA need a "Silly-cone" to wear on their heads, lined with tin foil of course.

26 September, 2008 08:26  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope you stay abreast of the story and keep us informed of what those PETA boobs are doing.

26 September, 2008 09:06  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

Anon: UPDATE: A spokesperson for Ben 'n Jerry's -- gender not specified -- has responded to PETA by respectfully declining their request for ingredient substitution.

I guess that means no Ben 'n Jerry's "silly-cones" with breast milk implant scoops...

26 September, 2008 10:35  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

How did I miss this story? PETA (People Eating Tasty Critters) - is one of my favorite whipping and parody targets.)

Great job on those flavors too.

26 September, 2008 18:12  
Blogger Little Lamb said...

I don't know what to say. I'll continue to use cow milk.

27 September, 2008 13:17  
Blogger Jack K. said...

WTF, I am almost speechless.

How.... (see above.)

What are they thinking?

How many of their members are ready to step forward for the cause?

Will they, PETA, require standards to be followed?

I am almost speechless.

sputter, sputter.

27 September, 2008 13:50  
Blogger Mayden' s Voyage said...

jack K. makes a interesting point- how many of PETA's own members would be willing to give up their own liquid gold (that's what my sisters and I called it when we were nursing our kids) to keep up with the supply needed. What's worse is I wouldn't trust a member of PETA not to be loaded with diseases and various STD's from being the monkey lovin'-tree hugging- freaks they are. eeewwww!
sorry Mr. Skunk- I went on a min-rant there :)

27 September, 2008 18:31  
Blogger Serena said...

What a purely disgusting idea! PETA ought to be disbanded on grounds of general stupidity. I did get a chuckle out of your proposed flavor names, though.:)

27 September, 2008 19:04  
Anonymous Leeuna said...

yuk and gag! That's the most disgusting idea I've ever heard of!
Frankly I think they're trying to booby trap the ice cream manufacturers. What a bunch of boobs! Thanks for this titillating bit of information. Not that I'm one of those progress knockers, I just think sometimes we've progressed too far. Oh Well...
Ta Tas for now.

28 September, 2008 22:41  

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